once upon a time ago. i loved novels. malay novels. i remember that day when i first stepped into the neighbourhood library, smelling of new books and finding my way right at the end of the hall, the malay book section. i found one novel, which for all the world, i can never remember the title of the novel, but in my heart and in my mind, i knew it has always been my favourite novel. no, its not ahadiat akasyah, although i read his too. and from then on, it was like an addiction. one after another and another novel. but somehow i couldnt get the same ‘high’ or the same happy feeling as i was reading that one fave novel. i was writing my own short stories. of pseudo sweet teenage love and heartbreaks. of friendships.

and somewhere in my life, i just stopped reading malay novels. stopped. like a bitter disappointment and a promise that i am never going to read malay novels again. well, malay love stories novels, that is, because i was introduced to malay literature which is worth reading, more thought provoking and creative, not just about cute teenage or young adult monkeylove and of painful heartbreaks and forever crying over spilled milk kind of stories, you get what i mean? and when there was that period where people were rushing and gushing about a novel…what was it…ayat-ayat cinta? everyone was reading it. but not me. i couldnt care less. and then all these malaysian novels coming up and authors became more and more well-known and their stories became picked up by directors and became dramas, i, still couldnt care less. i couldnt understand the hype over malay novels. i think we have yet to find an author worth reading. literature wise. but even then, i admit, i just stop picking up any malay novels whatsoever.

i have a problem with malay novels fullstop.

and then i grow old. i watch malay dramas. and i like one or two drama series. but then i got carried away by Kerana Terpaksa Aku Relakan, a drama adaptation from a novel. and you know how they say when you watch the first episode of any tv series, you got hooked, and that happened to me. i loved the protagonist, i love her character and the personality she portrayed, her love interest and the kind of man he was portrayed. i am head over heels over their characters. i told everyone this is a madness in me. this drama which i couldnt stop thinking about. it was the first time i ever really loved a malay drama series. and then its ending spoilt it all, like a glass broken in front of you, you were stunned and left hanging not knowing what to do next. such cliffhanger. the last time i felt this way was when i was reading One Day. such shock at its ending.

so the hunt for the novel began. i wanted to know what happened next. i ended up buying it from mph online. i screamed happily when it came with the mail.

but my excitement is shortlived.

there is, really, nothing special about the book. there are many things i do not like with this book.

1. The English words and dialogues were just haywire. bad english really. cant malay novels just stick to, well, malay, if the editor dont even bother to correct simple english words.
2. Its disorganized.
3. The tone of novel, its sometimes too much dialogue, its sometime just thoughts of the characters, and sometimes that afterthought of ‘advices’ or ‘philosophical’ thinking mode of the characters. in which, i find there is no sequence to it. like jumped from one mode to another mode.
4. i hate all the male characters in the book. they are all rude disrespectful despicable men who think they can rule over women.(i am so grateful to the director of the drama for making the men more realistic and likeable. in defence of the Abg Zen character, in the drama, it is more consistent. he is a man with principle, he is the man of the family, he was a bit of an angry person, but it was not the abusive kind of angry, he is more an assertive person in the drama, whereas in the novel, he is not worth the love at all!)
5. Indah’s character is inconsistent as well. she is supposed to be a well-mannered and take your hands off me kind of girl, well that was how she was portrayed in the drama. but she’s not that person in the book. so i hated it. it is the very character of women in novels which make me just stop reading them malay novels. its like, a woman with no principle, swayed by ‘love’ and i hated the word ‘gatal/mentel’ the author so often use in the book.
6. i dont really have a soft spot for this Saiful character in the drama, but i hated him more in this novel.
7. and then the answer that i have been waiting for for so long… is just disappointing. its like a thought which came out of nowhere and ‘let’s just put it in so we can finish the book now’ kind of plot. im just so frustrated.

remind me again, why i stopped picking up malay novels. and after reading this book, its going to be another long time for me to eventually pick up one again.

i guess i am just obsessed with the drama series, the book is just disappointing. i cant even think of appreciating the author for coming up with such a novel that eventually materialise into the series. but i do am so grateful to the production team for beautifying the whole story.