Author: livingseri

listopia

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it’s only tuesday, no?  it has been two productive days! i think some new habits im trying to develop is working. hope this stays as long as it is, although today i almost broke my promise about having ME time during lunch. but i stopped, just leave my table as it is. and had lunch and prayed, i definitely work better after that.

anyway just yesterday i was listing out things NOT TO BUY. this morning, i go and make a wishlist. haha.

nothing major, its all those materialistic things of a person who doesnt have much responsibility like having children. just a pair of dr mart boots (i miss wearing boots!!), a turqoise and a maroon coloured watches (i love watches. not too worry though coz i go by ‘the watch chooses you’, so i havent seen any that have that kind of calling) and a fujifilm instax 50s.

i will stop at that. 😉

i am going to spend more on skills and workshops.

that also i have a list:

first up to go is Sewing class, which i’m going to sign up this Friday! woohoo!! cant wait! actually no need to go also can. learn from youtube videos like that boy in the newspaper…i tried…but there are certain things i dont understand, maybe learning live under an expert would be better. well, let’s just have a try anyway.

and then breadmaking..i know it’s like any woman can make breads themselves why bother go to a class…but i dont have that cooking skills you know, so i think im going to just go for it when the opportunity comes. why not cakes? my sis in law bake awesome beautiful heavenly rich like-you-can-taste-it-just-by-describing-it cakes. i dont have that creativity with cakes. bread looks easy with a set of ‘formulas’. i mean how many shapes can a ‘bun’ look?

scrapbooking class for the fun of it! i know husband wont be supportive in that, creativity is enough to him…but anyway there’s no more Made With Love (MWL) shop at Plaza Singapura, and Paper Market dont look so interesting and as friendly as MWL…so it may take a while before i take this up, in the meantime, its all a mix and match and learning from scrapbook websites..

and archery!! i miss archery so much!! i was an archer back in Uni. and i know there is one archery class in the neighbourhood, except its on weekends, and yeah my weekends are burnt..but i hope one day both me and husband will get to do it sometimes.

and then floristry! there’s a diploma for it ok!! i want i want! laugh if you want but flowers make me happy! and i have always been amazed with people who can just do up a bouquet so easily! im going for it ok, that is, if i cant go for any Masters in Education or Diploma in HR and Training courses. haha.

and of course, any forums/workshops which is kinda trending these days locally. if i can afford it, i will take the opportunity. makes life more interesting. otherwise its work work work. bleurgh.

so im building up a utopia mind for myself. whatever that means.

 

shopping list

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hmm no…WHAT NOT TO BUY…list 🙂

for the next six months at least.

  • shoes
  • perfumes/body mists
  • shower gels/soap/etc
  • lipsticks and eyeliners
  • books (i have no confidence in this though)
  • notebooks and pens (for the whole year perhaps)
  • bags (i dont do brands anyway, but the one i just bought today, that should be the last of it)

so should be enough for some savings and my knowledge/skills bank.

the ghost of me

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it is very rare of me to be blogging two times in a day. it has always been in a frequency of once a month. haha. and although i am supposed to do some work, but holding on to the principle of it is my off day, i am alone since my husband is working, i deserve this me time while i can.

i have the sudden inclination of writing down, i mean blog about…the changes i faced, about my self which i have learnt and grown to love more. im not saying i didnt love my self. i realised that i learnt a lot about my self these few years. i am a latebloomer that is for sure. i dont act adult-ish, if you know what i mean. just following through the ages. while i see many of my ‘cohorts’ married and have children, well, im happily and devotedly married just not a mother yet. oh well, maturity is one’s development at own pace. i finally realised i need to dress properly and smartly, a bit more effort in the dressing.

i have definitely learnt a few things in my twenties. for one thing, i have finally embraced that work is not everything. yes i would love to move on and probably earn more than i do now. you can never know but at this moment, i will focus on what i have to do as God has planned it.

home and  crafts

being a Cancer, i know i love home and everything that has got to do with home. i love pretty things, i love sewing, scrapbooking. and these are hobbies i want to improve my skills on and do as much as i can. i want to learn cooking and i have always wanted to learn breadmaking. but one thing at a time yea.

books

i love books and i know i have developed and recognized the genre of books and authors i love reading. memoirs, spiritual, inspirational, drama, and somehow i found myself reading Man Booker prize books, although many i havent read. still loving fantasy but rather choosy of the authors. i tried reading romance, chick lit, but i dont enjoy them as much as i do the rest. although Nora Roberts is one author i would look for if i have that sudden interest to read those genres. and i wanted to try reading other genres such as thriller or investigative novels, but apart from Dan Brown, i dont know of any other authors who i can grow to love.  anyway, knowing what books i love is good so that i wont do impulsive buying when it comes to books.

what woman wants

in a way i have become a conscious buyer. well, a work in a progress still though because i still love shopping but i know what i like and what suits me. i stop impulsive purchases. online shopping…well i had many experience in online shopping. the ugly dresses that came not as promised, the ones which never came, the ones which is nice to look at but not for wear. i have definitely learnt that if i am not sure of wearing them, or i am not sure of the material, do not buy. especially shawls. many times i do not like the material of a shawl, or its as big as a table mat, sigh, enough of all that.

and clothes/dresses too. i love block colours and checkered designs but choosy with prints. definitely love earth colours: purple, turquoise, teal, darker shades of green, brown or bronze, dark blue, and darker shades of orange and red. i know people around me already understands my preference.

no make up. i gave up on that. basic stuff will do for me. i remember one nice lady’s advice, you dont have to wear everything,  but a lipstick is all you need to give colour to your face. i dont know fashion but i took up the lady’s advice. i love m.a.c and revlon and sticking to those for now. i cant catch up with all the brands out there.

travelling has given me the love for handcrafted bags. i dont need many bags and i guess the bags out there are too expensive for me. i cant afford them. i have used and love my billabong tote bag which i bought in Bali many years ago. i still use it. many times i contemplated to buy them bags with some brands, after many thoughts, i ended up not buying. i have about 4 bags i regularly use, a timbuktu sling and denizen haversack for travels, a new look messenger bag, all them bought during sales. and yes the handcrafted bags i bought from my travels, which dont cost much. im grateful and happy with what i have.

sound effects and overdramatics

anything else, well music and movies. i love anything fantasy and tim burton. and i have loved mind boggling movies and anything leonardo dicaprio (sans titanic, i dont get that movie, never, not even for Leo). time travelling and mutants a must and some dramas too but not too romance. apparently i loved a walk to remember but slept through the rest of nicholas sparks’ movies.

indie rocks. verbatim. i have my faves and my hates. those bands i still listen too sometimes. used to remember those teen crazy times of BSB, Britney Spears, what’s that group with a Justin Timberlake? but BSB was IT lah eh. haha. but once after i turn 15 yrs old i made a 360 degrees round and my interest was into rock, alternative, whatever they call it lah those times.  so many of those bands. I was an LPUnderground member ok! but nothing to be proud of. they are just songs i listen to while growing up. nowadays, a bit more mixed but stick to my ‘roots’.

my self

its true they say, experience matures a person. i developed some characters along the way. i like tidiness. although there have been many times the room or the workspace are just a mess, but i love the feeling of cleaning them up and that clear mind of knowing things are in place. i can work properly when all things are in place. i have learnt to show or tell what i feel or think when the need is there. if i dont like something, i will say it. i had been the one to be on the willing party or just let the other person have their way, but when you start working, you really have to say out your mind. people took advantage of my kindness. no more. nowadays, its my way style already. just hope i can manage that style and not be too demanding, but im not that kind of person lah. its a cancerian thing.

i have always been the neutral kind of person. and i guess that evolves into the way that i dont take sides anymore. i still believe on the good side of everyone, but i learnt to be critical and not take things at face value. it’s a skill i acquire because dealing with children and teens, i believe in the best of them, and for them to believe in themselves, i have to pave the way.

one valuable thing i have learnt so far, i think is, to go beyond the difficult people and their attitudes, and learn to accept them as it is, it enables me to see the goodness within them. learn to live with that or else, ignorance is bliss-  still the best policy.

im naive and agreeing all the time, but nowadays, i have been a bit more critical and less agreeing to whatever people say but learnt to give a bit of opinion. i just need to have more facts though.

im rambling much. sorry to bore whoever is reading this. i thought it good to just take note of the changes so i may then move on and improve more.

motivation

despite all these, its going to be a spiritual year for me. i want to spend more time for the spiritual me. otherwise it will be the ghost of me. like a mantra now since the new year. WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING. i do not want to rush through my prayers anymore.  i want to indulge in it. i used to pray as fast i can thinking of work. i am sick of it and ashamed of myself. my brain must learn to segregate itself. when praying, everything else on pause.  please ok seri. Insya Allah.

scream aim fire

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no. please do not be shock by the title of my post. as you might have read somewhere in my older posts, my titles can be random at times. i was just playing Bullet for My Valentine’s album of the same name. i forgot how much i used to love those kinds of genre songs. oh the band wasnt the best of the lot. there were avenged sevenfold, breaking benjamin, atreyu, what else? havent been keeping up anyway. where are all these bands??  i dont know whether i influenced my siblings or they influenced me haha. i cant say i have been a good elder sister influencing them there but im quite surprised and a little weeny bit of pride at the choices of songs they listen to. quite a variety actually but not the mainstream. Anyway, yes, not a good elder sister influence there. i know i have many other goals which i want my siblings to do. well, this year is all about picking up the pieces.

seriously. my heart screams for all these aims i never got to do. but my babies are all grown up now and busy with their own things. i hope my proposal for a different work schedule this year is approved and i get to recover the mess i left. i like my fridays but they are schooling and my saturdays are spent on other people’s children. my sundays? well i returned to work every sunday last year and i do have my chores to complete.

anyway 2013. please be kind. i dont usually have resolutions but i guess the feeling for 2013 is a bit different. it’s like i am determined to be kind to myself. and what i meant is, my job is not everything. the job is difficult and cruel at times. even as of now, i have pending works and my brain is kinda reeling around those list of things to do. but i want to stop, pause, breathe and take comfort that tomorrow is another day, i can finish that task tomorrow AT WORK. and 4 years on the job, i am better prepared and confident to do what is expected. students and parents, bring it on! haha. ok be careful what i wish for. students and parents, please be kind. because this year is not for me to be a plain manager, it’s the year to lead. i had set some foundation. its a work in progress i understand that now. nothing can be perfect. but at the back of my mind, everyone is scrambling for a point of reference, even the parents. i need to take things more seriously, not that i havent, but in the few years we are starting, i was so into getting the teachers, arranging lesson plans, teaching and all them reports and paperworks. these things will be part of the job, but i feel there is more to the job than just this.

i am not perfect. no. i may not be the best person to be here. but while i am here, i should make the best of it. Allah, please guide me.  like a strike of inspiration, i guess You have given me the answer to my prayers. yes. i know that now. You have always guided my decisions. for now, i know You want me to be here. for now.

still, as i have mentioned. work is not everything. i have my husband. my family. my self. they are more important than everything else and me is important. my husband needs my care. and i mean it. i realise he has been doing all the caring and love. i havent do much. apart from the simple chores i did…i simply havent do much. and i want to do more. and my priorities have changed. and work is somewhere down the list. if this work requires me to be fisabilillah. than it will. it will not be forced on me.

it is scream aim fire. in other words, start, aim and do it right.

its like i find myself all over again.

clear mind and space

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it had been a month of headaches, dreadful coughings, runny noses and on-off fevers. this body really knows which month to choose to get sick. and really i havent really recover fully. had the most horrible coughing period after so long. and just when i thought i got better, i am now still nursing a flu and some left over cough.

Allahu yashfiini.

my dear husband is not feeling so well either. but hoping that we can fully recover by new year.

but as if my mind did not want to succumb to the illness, i did some cleaning with my wardrobe, dressing table and my books. feels so good to be able to take out clothes and scarves which i know i am not going to wear anymore out! and those books i keep on buying and left by the bedside is not arranged nicely in my book box or at the shelves. such a clear of eyesight and mind. feels like my mind is able to breathe with a bit more space also.

i love my books. definitely. and after arranging them, it actually made me more eager to start reading again. as it is, too bogged down with work, i dont even spend some time to read anymore. and NO, will not let work dominate my time. reading makes me happy, and i am going to do it. just this week, i start to train myself to stop doing work during lunchtime. for the past three years i dont really take up too much importance during lunch. like i eat when im hungry and still do work continuously sometimes the whole day. but i have one hour. and i am going to use that time wisely and for ME. 10 minutes for meal, 15 minutes for prayers, and there’s a good half and hour more, so i read or take a nap. anything that is NOT work. i realise i work better after that.

back to the cleaning. and on a roll for my workspace too. since i am determined to have some sort of life to that messy place. i bought two small indoor plants, and something nice and memorable to be placed at my table. and yes, i am so going to clear out my space. that space.. just too much stuff!! you know you just want to start the year with a clear mind and space. i am really excited to clear my workspace!

a better year insya Allah. almost like im going to start all over.

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Sesungguhnya da tak tahu mana nak letak buku2 saya! Cant imagine how its going to be like in a new home. And not forgetting the shelves n boxes of books still at my parents’ home!

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Just cant stop myself from buying #monologue #notebooks.

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Some #plants to give life to my #workspace.🌿i love it!!

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I had been contemplating of buying those #wristlets for myself but mostly too expensive. And then the youth came back from their project arc and gave me this!! Just my kind of #bag 🙂 Thanks Bahar!

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My sisters love the bracelets! #windfairy