built.to.last

Every loving memory with love

thanksgiving

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counting the days before it gets to 2018, arent we?

its a quiet grey morning today. christmas public holiday. hubbylove still wakes up at 5 in the morning. i was stirred awake at 5.30am. Subuh then dozes on and off with hubbylove.

holidays are precious to me. read a book. watch an episode from a series or two. watch a movie. catch up on anime. blog. read again. browse pointlessly through facebook. read the papers without rushing through the headlines.

and if i feel a bit more productive. i can do some spring cleaning. i have been aiming to clear the wardrobe for the longest time. complete my photo journal before the year ends.

i was ready to dismiss 2017 as a stressful year for me. with what i presume as so many heartbreaks and tension. i realised that was 2017 The Work. it somehow did not start right. i only remember all the difficulties i faced. it had been shitty, to be blunt.

while browsing through my phone for photos to print and my traveler’s journal for dates to highlight; i then realised, hey Seri, it is not a bad year after all. it had been quite a whirlwind journey of emotions. but of togetherness and what it means to be a family.

we lost two family members from hubbylove’s side. two family members in 48 hours. one of which, a most beloved aunt. i deeply felt the loss. such strong kind motherly lady. we were supposed to have a family gathering for that weekend. indeed it had been. just, without her. but we revel in one another’s comfort, in staying together, in remembering her.

that same weekend, a close girlfriend got married too. how such plans are not within our control. i wanted to be with friends. but i need to be with my family. how can that be a choice to be made?

i got to live in my own house PV for a month or two. pure bliss and happiness in the simple thought of getting to stay in one’s own house. you asked, why? well i mostly stay in another house. my own house is vacant. but due to a major renovation in this current house, we all get to stay in my house. complicated? i guess so.

but i loved it.

the clearing and the packing, no. weeks of saturdays and sundays filled up with packing, driving to and fro to the storehub where we stored our stuffs for close to three months. lugging boxes and bags of stuffs. throwed away many things, kept a lot more. the only comfort: i was just happy to be hubbylove’s shadow during those weeks. everywhere with him.

i injured myself twice this year. fell outside of the toilet, terribly hurt my right side. and within the week, misstepped and hurt my left ankle. i had to pray in the sitting position for weeks. that fall though. for a moment, i knew how it felt when people said a reel of your life and questions playing in your mind in those life and death moments. i am thankful it was a ‘normal’ fall. nothing major.

i had an amazing trip to Switzerland. a test of strength and patience. beautiful, beautiful country. a lovely family there. of train rides, boat rides, furnicators and cable cars. of hiking trails and quiet walks. and that search for beautiful shots of mountains.

my little sister got married. a beautiful marriage and wedding. and pregnant now as i am writing this down. my baby brother got engaged to a sweet kind girl. i had days of fun and love with families and friends.

it was not a bad year, 2017. it had been a good year. and i am at peace.

i have a feeling 2018 will be a change. a change for love. a change for happiness. a change for wellbeing. a change for joy.

6 years

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chilling at PV at the moment. enjoying my home pretty home.

today marks our 6th year of marriage.

our way of celebrating it is to stay home. well, i am entertaining myself doing quite a number of activities since about 5 hours ago, while my poor hubbyLove is stuck with work due to some problem that occurred since last night.

perhaps we might have gone out, but hubbyLove has to be constantly on the phone and connect to his work online so it’s just better to be home.

we had always spent our anniversary travelling but its been two years now we couldnt leave due to work commitments.

the highlight of the weekend is perhaps the dinner we had with my parents last night. it was a nice sumptuous enjoyable dinner at Straitskitchen Hyatt Hotel. I have always wanted to bring my parents to a dinner out at hotels and finally managed to. for one thing, their anniversary falls on a September too, 4th, and they have never had a hotel dinner on an anniversary. i mean, we rarely eat out, and hotel dinners are expensive. but for this year, alhamdulillah, get to bring them. and its nice to see my parents enjoying the food so much. especially my father who have been mentioning of having less appetite. im happy he had few rounds of meals. and mom too. i love the conversations we are having, except half way through, hubby’s distracted by calls from his boss. in a way, i was fortunate i had my parents around, imagine, if it had just been me and him and he had to move out to have a focused discussion on the phone and left me alone there?!

i enjoyed the dinner anyway.

so today, it had been a chill at PV day. i transferred the new stacks of books i bought from central home to here, updated my shelves, so to speak. love love love my books. and after a round of blossom blast game, decided to perhaps let’s just go to the gym, for once. and i did. and so so so glad that i had the gym all to myself! no one’s around! timecheck at about 1.30pm so next time, if i want to have an empty gym, perhaps lunchtime on a weekend is a best time.

and then, since the gym is facing the pool, i was tempted to ‘dive’ in. again, the pool all to myself! totally enjoyed the jacuzzi. and i managed to do a basic amateurish freestyle on my own! i learnt from youtube. ohh that’s another thing, youtube is the best! haha. makes my visit to the pool more meaningful now 😛

ok. enough.

happy anniversary hubbyLove. thank you for loving me and providing me with almost everything. thank you for your silent patience and never failing to send and fetch me from work on the weekends. especially when i have to be at work on both days. so the least i can do is giving back this patience with stolen hugs and kisses when you are engaged online and dealing with your work like this on our anniversary day. we are cool like that.

love you with all my heart.

little one, or two

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do you not think
i yearn
to feel the soft skin
to smell a baby’s breath
to touch his cheeks and
see his smile

do you not think
i yearn
to hold her close to my heart
to hug and feel her warmth
to kiss endless kisses and
see her smile

do you not think
i yearn
to see pure eyes light up
to hear sweet voices calling me
to hold tiny fingers and toes
and see his smile

do you not think
i yearn
to call a baby my own
to give him that name i chose a decade ago
to finally see that dream come true
and that pain is all worth it for her

do you not think
i yearn
for a baby or two
to see the man his father is
to see her mother i will come to be
to finally announce we are no longer two
but a family complete with a him and her

for everyday i yearn
for everyday i pray
for everyday i miss
a gift which has not come to be
for everyday i dream
a life which has not exist

dear little one, or two
please know i yearn for you
that i am missing you
that i am calling a name
without a face
that i am ready for you

dear little one, or two
please hear mama’s call
please come to papa’s arms

dear little one, or two
please know we will always wait for you
please know we will always yearn for you
please be, soon.

staycation at last

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i have to mention that i am truly having a staycation. in the comforts of my own home.

i am grateful for this home and a temporary heaven on earth.

i love the breeze and windy-ness, the leaves and trees brushing along with the wind making hushes and the man made small waterfall by the pool, the sound of water rushing down, gives this pretty home a resort feel. and when i was sitting at the swing in my balcony, reading….it’s almost perfect. alhamdulillah.

and now sitting in my reading room, on my writing desk. i just had a nice hour writing journals and goals overlooking my balcony and looking at the leaves and trees. it’s so inspiring and motivating and feel like my mind is full of ideas just waiting to be flowed in ink and paper.

i feel i could almost understand what rejuvenate oneself really means and i feel rested. except now i feel like i want to go out and enjoy the nice day and feel the sun on my face. just, don’t know where to go where there’s less crowd.

but I’m truly enjoying my vacation 😉
truly, home is where the heart is.

house warmth

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finally felt and understood what it means to have housewarming. love the atmosphere. love the smiles on family members when meeting each other. it had been somewhat a dream to gather both my families and hubby’s family because i think since we got married, we haven’t had a chance to let my uncles and aunts met his. especially when my paternal family and his were from the same kampung. and my maternal family have never met his family. it is a dream come true. alhamdulillah.

love the chatters and laughters, love that children are running around and having their own fun times, love the colours. i feel like, in all my introverts, i don’t mind having more gatherings if it means family bond and happiness.

i am feeling blessed and touched that we could do this. happy to see guests had their meals, and perhaps, let families meet when there were once silence. i mean, every family has their story and none of us are perfect. my family is far from perfect.

and the house truly felt like home. and heart is where the home is, i am missing my home already. ❤

first staycation

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our very first staycation! in Parc Vera hehe. it does have that nice holidaying feel to it, even the room has the coolness of a hotel. it was after all our very first night here at Parc Vera. i love it. i really like it here.

there is a system to it. somehow. the small kitchen, the backyard with the utilities toilet, that’s where the laundry and the cleaning stuffs are.  the main balcony to which, whenever i opened up the glass sliding doors, i could hear the madmade waterfall by the swimming pool and that we are surrounded by lush green plants. the living room to relax and watch tv. the dining area where we actually sit at for a proper meal. (we always have our meals in our room back at Central and I don’t really like that). I love sitting together at the dining table for our meals, I guess we are taught that way since young. i love that.

this pretty pretty room for whatever i feel like doing…reading, blogging, writing, praying. to each its own place. and oh, finally, i could wake up late at night to go to the toilet without having to go alllll the waaaay to the kitchen because we are finally sleeping in a master bedroom like all couples do. haha. jakun. i finally have a proper writing desk, a room i can call my own secret corner…ok.. not so secret but where all my favourite things are kept..my books of course. i guess my husband really do loves me for allowing me wholeheartedly, unconditionally giving me a room just for my books. the only thing i willingly compromised was i didnt want any interior designing renovation taking place in this room. we kept it simple with three whole shelves and this nice wooden writing desk. i am so inspired just sitting in this room. i am slowly bringing in the books, which will take several trips because one large toyogo box filled with books took all our strengths to move them. and soon my craft stuffs and the sewing machine.

Alhamdulillah ‘ala hazihin ni’mah. its almost like a private retreat from everyday life. i think i could probably get back to work next week feeling restored and refreshed. and ready for Ramadan. i love it here. i really do.

made sense

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it was not meant to be. manuscript found in accra. I stopped just after a quarter of the book. its just too straight in your face preachy and I don’t need preachy at this moment. I did made a bookmark to match the bookcover. but between reading manuscript and 7 habits, the latter becomes more exciting and made more sense.

although I got distracted by Angelology, the book, not the ebook. even though its going to get draggy because I have read halfway from the ebook but well, we’ll see how it goes. I will always be distracted by other books. actually, some part of my brain is thirsty for some Islamic reading. as soon as I finish Angelology, which I am going to read super fast. Im going to take one of those Islamic themed non fiction books to fulfil this emptiness intelligence-wise. I think it’s just about time.

hubbyLove is away for the week. it is only the second day and already both of us are feeling this distance. both of us not feeling so well. him probably too tired from the lack of rest from travelling and straight to work. me, similarly, tired from work, and I have been moving around too much this week. and not having him around feels empty and alone.

looking forward to see him again Friday evening. pray for his safety. always.

home sweet home soon

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so I heard the new home is ready!! I am very much excited and we are just awaiting for the keys to the home!

I couldn’t wait to furnish it and my most favourite corner (reading corner) and workspace for both myself and hubby.

and watching these homes and interior designs shows on tv doesn’t help to cease the excitement. so many pretty ideas.

some things I know I would like to have in a home:

1. Light. I love sunlight and sense of space. I want the rooms to be bright during the day. i guess white and light blue concept suits better. i seem to think navy blue is nice for a kitchen, i dont know why, maybe i saw in a pic somewhere. with grey-white marble tabletop.

2. Less clutter so I guess ample storage is important. perhaps less of the nitty gritties but I don’t mind abstract paintings or pictures from our trips. some of the smaller decorative items we bought on shelves or coffee tables.

3. Simplistic and minimalistic. I like simple but cozy. none of those bulky kind of furniture. because I love space more.

4. Carpets. I miss having carpets. because living with cats for so long kind of take away the luxury of having carpets around the house.

5. a reading corner! or room. I think we agreed that I needed that. a room for my books and where I can do my sewing and scrapbooking. and that reading sofa! I seen one and I sure do want one.

6. flowers! or plants or terrariums! modernistic arrangements though in the house.

7. and a khat, please.

sighhhhh…. I cannot wait….

first love

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I was just thinking about changing my blog layout and perhaps change the header picture, to say, the recent travel to santorini. but then i realize, your first love will always stick with you, will always be the best love. and i will always love my trip to NZ. always. its been four years now and i still yearn for it.
so i decided, for now, NZ header picture will stay.

i truly have to count my blessings, because, i think i have had it easy. truly.

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

I have been given the opportunity to travel and see the world, like dreams come true, and safely at that.

May this marriage is blessed, as much as God has blessed us thus far. we are not perfect, but we will strive to be perfect. I love you hubby dearest.

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the pic is taken from FB.