Every loving memory with love
love you more than i could promise
and this heart skips a beat
with every morning message
the week is always bearable
because i get to see you at the end of it
i want to care for you as much as
you have cared for me
and i’m counting to the days
when i get to be in your arms
for the rest of my life
i was clearing up my emails when i found this one i sent to then-fiance-now-husband.
happy 4 years, love. on to 5th.
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
i forgot to say hello to september.
its going to be our fourth year. and we are celebrating it with a honeymoon to….Santorini!
i am so excited about it but i am also feeling a bit nervous about flying. the last time i travelled was last year’s hongkong. and i want, i need to focus on my trip, so i better make sure that my work work is pretty much cleared or delegated to next person in charge. hopefully coming back feeling refreshed and inspired. well considering that the very moment i stepped down, im going to be involved with Korban. i was actually feeling pretty anxious with all the work, but after discussing with my teachers, i realised it is not so bad after all. In Sya Allah.
i pray that everything will be well. me and hubby there and everyone else here. i am really nervous but i have to keep calm and enjoy this trip. because i need this vacation! both of us need this! perhaps if God willing, a baby is created here. amiin.
everything will be alright. tawakkal.
my own lovely laptop is giving me this flow of creative juices in writing. i love it.
at work now, but working on this laptop instead of the pc make work more purposeful. but sorry, i am actually stealing a bit of time because i cannot wait to write this down. it is 8 more minutes to lunch time though. and its monday! i do not function properly on mondays nowadays because i am now working on both weekends. i have missed many weddings due to this ok! pfft! and yes, with only friday as my off day. i definitely can take off in lieus but my working on sunday means i am taking over a class actually teaching two whole sessions. so come monday, which is my actual working day, i have to come back because all my administrative works awaits me. so tell me when can i take off in lieu?
why am i back on sundays, apart from just overseeing just making sure things are ok, i am now taking over two classes, although we have advertised looking for part time teachers, we have yet to receive any applications. its been a month, coming to two already! oh come on, i have been coming back on sundays since school starts in January! its been one thing to another!
back to my point, i am only taking over, but i am also beginning to care for the students a lot. i have not been teaching for quite some time, and coming back to teach takes a bit of adaptation and mindsetting but i am beginning to really love the students. i am concerned on what they will learn and benefit from?
particularly yesterday. i decided the students need a bit of important additional lessons. i planned the lesson happily and purposefully hehe. and this was an enjoyable process actually because i attended lesson design workshop last month and now i am able to apply them, it did make more sense! and the most satisfying part of it all is when i was able to deliver the lessons as i have pre imagined it to be, and the faces of interest and questions the students asked, involved and just willing to learn. i see their faces light up and thinking expressions and reflections. taking down notes and even finding out there and then (through google though but a learning moment happening at that time as well). It truly is fulfilling. and i feel more love towards these students. the thought that they wanted to learn more and we may have been depriving them the right for that knowledge. SubhanAllah. i am truly glad we did those lessons, and thankful to one of my teacher who also developed a lesson plan for another class. and both of us think it had been such a fulfilling and satisfying class!
I have been enjoying a bit of my work lately with lesson designing and classroom observation, and putting together all the other tools and skills i learnt from my courses. being able to talk and discuss with the teachers about lesson and how we can improve them. it really is worth the time and effort. I feel more my self and what the work actually demands from me. not just paperworks and reports. i hope everything will turn out well for me especially.
Alhamdulillah. i guess it is also telling myself to ‘be present’ and able to carry out my responsibility as an employee and importantly as a wife as well. even though i was truly tired and aching, came back home, straight away to the kitchen to cook dinner for me and hubby. being able to balance and put things into perspectives and ‘compartmentalise’ them in its actual place, moment and time. it helps. and husband has been truly accommodating and patient with all my time away from work. we treasured those days when we are able to spend a full whole day just the two of us.
alhamdulillah.
and so, i think i deserve a gift for myself. that, a symbol of hard work. and continue for more hard work. but at least, looking at it might bring a smile.
Happy birthday Abang dearest.
I pray for your health, barakah in the rezeki you worked so hard for a humble life for both of us, rahmah and forgiveness from Allah swt. May we stay strong and together not only in this world, but in heaven Amiin.
We may not be perfect, but in each other, we find completeness. with all the imperfections and weakness, we are right for one another.
I love you.
and happy birthday to my brother haliffi too. you will do great insya Allah. we will always support you and most importantly, take care of your health little brother. we are not getting any younger 😉
finally succumbed to a high fever surprisingly at 39.9 degrees. even the doc was surprised. i guess it had been too much work, no proper rest and especially last week, no proper sleep for taking care of dear hubby.
am on 2 days mc. i dont mind 2 more days because i feel really weak and coughing badly than before. yesterday was worst and i was pretty glad hubby was home on mc too himself coz the roles are reversed. now it was him who sponged and made sure i ate my meds. so cute though. because i dont think i had the energy to even walk up go to the toilet. temperature subsides gradually.
i am feeling a bit better today. i am thankful for the mc though because knowing me, i would have pushed myself go to work and suffer.
i pray that both me and hubby get well very much soon Insya Allah.
very fulfilling exhaustive days since thursday. a lot of emotions going on for me as well.
a productive day at thursday changed right towards the end of the day. when i usually would be waiting for husband to fetch me from work, i had to do a long detour of ‘fetching’ him instead all the way from woodlands and back to home. Edge of Sengkang – North Coast (Senoko) – Hougang Central. and drove home 1/3 of the way at that!
just glad we reached home safely but my night was filled up with sponging him now and then. his body temperature was real high. i was just so worried i dont mind not sleeping. luckily friday was my off day and he was on mc. i think my wife instincts really surfaced. sponging him, went grocery shopping, cooked for him etc etc. and even though i worked saturday whole day, surprise surprise i woke up at 5 am to cook so that he wont have to go out buy food for lunch!
i was exhausted, i was close to tears smsing with my sisters, but come to think of it, i am surprised that i could do it all. really am. i could complain of exhaustion and my body is tired. but my mind is saying good job Seri. this is what you did for your self and for your husband. because i wanted so much to take care of him and i did. my brain has these positive neurons all over.
true, once you set your mind on what you want to achieve, things are a bit more bearable. without compromising us.
i love you.
please know that i have no intent to go back to my rebel teenage days of posting my fave bands on my blog. Warpaint’s Billie Holiday was just a test post. but they are awesome arent they?
in another life, i could have been a guitarist. i played the guitar but then i stopped. between what i enjoyed and what i have become. i actually could play for an audience. well some small audience. between what i would have loved doing and what i think people expect of me. i guess life is always about choices. i do sometimes have all these ‘what ifs’. maybe i should turn those what ifs into short stories. oh gosh, im excited just saying it out loud. but i dont know if i have the time or the talent for that anymore.
anyway, i have left the guitar by the dust. i would love to pick it up again.
oh well Billie Holiday sounds like a nice song to be dedicated to my husband, if i understand the song correctly.
so thankful for this day. i have longed for this day for so long. no no it was nothing special. it was just the restorative niche (a term i learned from Quiet;)) i needed. well, along with the menstrual cramps i am having.
as you might have known, i have missed my sundays for so long. but today, i braved myself to forget about work and let the day go through its course and full belief that everything will be ok. i must learn to let go. and alhamdulillah things to have gone fine except for little messages i received from my teachers.
i got to do laundry, read, watch tv, read again, actually do some writing (a blogpost, a review, proposal), power afternoon nap and finally dinner at our fave place (which is at Lau Pa Sat), only the two of us, me and hubby. i loved it. and i think hubby loved it too because he barely have me for a full day nowadays.
i feel i can do work better now. i can face the week. i can take a deep breath, clear minded and do proper work.
Alhamdulillah.
dad is currently home now. discharged last Tuesday. I made the decision to attend my training half day and was grateful that the chairman and the trainer was very understanding.
my father has always been an independent person, he never relied on any one. and although I think he would willingly go home on his own, I cannot let that happen. Siti and Khidhir managed to see him first on Tuesday and report back to us about his scan that morning and whether dad can really return home. once I got the confirmation, at around lunchtime, I was able to go straight to the hospital. I think my siblings kind of liked the sense of importance and responsibility of taking care of dad. sat through with Dad while the pharmacist explained in detail of all the medicines he has to take. there’s about close to 10 meds he needs to take daily.
and I have to admit, for once, I made regular visits to hougang ave 8 just to check up on him. he definitely is recovering and looking well, and staying true to his promise. I just thought this ordeal is almost a reminder to me to start taking well care of my parents. already my mother is looking frail and sickly, I had to tell her to stop whatever supplementary pills she’s taking and to concentrate on her actual medicine. all these products out there, I don’t know, now I feel like I cannot trust them. because my mother is looking too thin and my dad had this heart attack. maybe they are not to be blamed 100%, but who knows. supposed to be keeping them healthy! and their diabetes is nowhere lessened from taking these supplementary.
I need to take an active role back in that house. I left the house too long that things are getting disorganized. I don’t mind rushing there during lunch, cook something simple but healthy for dad and rush back to work, after work cook for dear hubby also. I really don’t mind doing that. I have to think through my life table again. just few posts ago, I was saying that I need to reschedule my life table due to my night classes, now I have to put in the hougang ave 8 into consideration. May or may not be long term, but I guess, it needs to be done somehow. it’s just me to be taking up and doing everything, taking care of everything and than I drown in exhaustion. balance, Seri, balance.
oh I have to say my siblings have been very helpful around the house too, and they need the encouragement. I guess we are all moving into that adulthood phase. the responsible adult. I have always been proud of them and their achievements. we will do well.
and also giving my full attention to my dear one and only hubby. this is another boy I have to give my heart and care too. but this, I will do with all my heart.
one thing about turning 30 is the ability of knowing your body well. I am more in tuned with my body, I listen to my body and what I need and/or capable of. i know when to stop and when i can push my self further.
you see I was never a sporty person. I didn’t do sports back in school all the way to high school, hey, my school don’t have sports back then, being an all girls’ school. the sports we had was all self initiated. there was that occasional badminton games we play among friends and for a while, a soccer fever in the all girls’ school with kains and all until the teachers couldn’t say anything to us all because we were always playing ball! I knew then I was never going to be interested in soccer. back at home, dad was an avid badminton player. he was our unbeatable badminton hero. 🙂
and then there was ye-ye, an old school game rubber bands tight together to make a rope and two persons will hold each ends going up from the knee to the highest level while the rest will take turns to go over it. i can say i was among the best in the game.
so i was choosy. but what i know now is i love badminton, second only to cycling, and always will be, archery. (Now, archery, I am so going to return practising that, I had so much fun during Uni years and I never regretted taking it up as part of my extra curriculum activity, and its a sunnah plus point).
I have always loved cycling. the funny thing is, i only realised my body relationship with cycling today. it helped that hubby loves cycling too but he has more stamina and he cycles much faster than I can. so it always makes me wonder (I just realised I am an analytical person anyway), what works and what don’t for me. Cycling is almost becoming like an art that I need to learn.
Well, today I realised that this bike hubby bought works best for me (I have tried many other bicyles, they don’t always come out as faves). It was not heavy, light tyres and the gears, thus far, I know I can go gear 5 and mind you, up a hill at that gear ok. I was smiling ear to ear when I could cycled up ok! and your noob here just realised that even the height of the bike seat also determines whether I can cycle fast because otherwise, it just feels terribly hard to pedal comfortably, your leg should stretch out the whole length so the thighs will not be too strained out when you pedal down. your posture as well, how at times you just need to bend forward to preserve a bit of energy. hah, it take me to be 30 to finally realise these! but i still havent mastered the art of breathing though. It was fun nonetheless.
psst, I have been cycling 25 km all this while. Yes, just found out about that too. 😉
Starting out as not a sporty person, I can finally say I am taking care of myself by doing sports, and doing it with the man I love nonetheless.
hmm no, no running please, my knee cannot take running.
there I know my self.
living seri 