here’s the story. i was just thinking about what happened to me yesterday. and how it had actually been a learning process for me.

i received a call from one parent who wished to confide in me about her daughter. we agreed to meet the next day because she said she wanted to show something as well. my mind was already reeling what could possibly be so important that she had to meet me? i almost am defensive of the mysterious and worrying voice which the mother had through that phone call. now this mother, the student’s name was rather familiar but i couldnt quite picture her in my mind and of course i did not remember who her parents are. i refuse to dwell on what the whole matter is going to be.

so its already the day we are supposed to meet. i had been busy the first half of the day with the fieldtrips and settling some letters that only after lunchtime i remembered our meeting. now usually i would already be anxious and nervous about the meeting. i would be thinking what could have gone wrong, is it us, is it the teacher, or the mosque? and most important, is what kind of situation it is going to be? because you see, i have had to deal with two difficult parents already, but alhamdulillah it went somewhat mild without a face-to-face conflict. this time now, it is going to be face to face, and both mother and father is coming to see me. already i am ‘shorthanded’.

but here’s the thing. i learnt in my basic nlp course about anchoring. and i did a confidence anchoring. an hour before the meeting, i did my anchor. when my colleague called to inform both parents have been sent to the conference room, i quickly did my confidence anchor + my happy anchor (just in case, so i dont look stress). met the parents, welcomed them, and surprise2, these are parents i vaguely remembered to have been somewhat patronising few years back. (there was another issue happened) i almost recalled the father to be someone quite the angry type? on normal circumstances, i would have been nervous and have that small kind of feeling.

i was set on trying out as well, mirroring and matching, in the hopes i could create rapport. i was conscious about it, i managed to mirror the mother, the father was still quite distant not making eye contact at all. the mother was doing most of the talking. i tried mirroring her. i think i created trust and rapport with her although i couldnt bring her to follow my lead. but the good thing was, she totally opened up to me. and most importantly, even i feel at ease. when before, i would be feeling nervous, lost focusing on the other people, not listening well, my palms may get sweaty and i wouldnt be able to converse fluently.

what surprised me most about this meeting, was i am totally feeling confident, i spoke fluently when i might have stuttered before. and believe it or not, i even gave advice to the parents like i know better! like ive done this before and dealed with this kind of issues before. but i know it all came from the heart. the mother teared listening to me. i actually gave her steps to approach her daughter. ok, this i learnt from my readings on education thus far.

and when at first i couldnt get the father’s attention, i managed to mirror him a bit, how he hold his hands and at one point, i tried to mirror him comforting his wife with a small nudge on her shoulder, although what i did was just hold her wrist. i know there was a change with the father because he started to speak up as well and shared more openly about his thoughts on the issue.

we ended the meeting both sides feeling almost relieved that a sharing have been established and a working together kind of relationship. the mother is comfortable, and for a person like me, i actually feel comfortable as well. i have always been an awkward freak. but i wasnt one that day. not at all. i felt motivated though. we could do this. i hoped for the first time, i had given the parents hope and a new perspective that they can handle this issue with their daughter.

(me, who doesnt even have a child, talking like i knew how to handle one, i have to say, my experience with my siblings might helped in some way)

SubhanAllah. this skills i learnt, had helped me. my first hand experience of practising it and realising it went well. i almost feel like i want to meet more people so i can create rapport and just for the sake of practise, more mirroring and matching, leading and pacing! just maybe, for once, i can embrace my introvert personality, but still be able to come out of my shell more confidently.