why Quiet affected me… a lot…

i realized there is nothing wrong with me. why would i say that? because i used to question myself. why can’t i be more friendly? why wasn’t i confident enough to just strike up a conversation? why am i too quiet? why do i retreat to my own shell all the time?

i came across the word introvert when i was much younger and loved using it to describe myself without really understanding what it implies to. i understand it now. i am an introvert. with full knowledge of who i am.

i have known there are people like me but i never get to connect with them and reading Quiet makes me feel like i am connected to all the 1 to every 2 of human beings out there who are introverts. well, except my husband, who is the only other person outside of my own family who is your very male version of an introvert. no wonder i connected to him, despite the age gap and felt that he accepted me wholly. during the get to know each other days, i never felt pressured to be someone i am not. i never felt pressured to always do the talking. we were comfortable with each other’s silences.

i have many things to reflect on the things i found out while reading Quiet.
i thought i was not confident enough when really it is just being me. i was too quiet and not a conversational kind of person, i am not weird in that sense, its just me, because i have always thought of myself as a very boring person. i have been underestimating and degrading myself for being too quiet, too shy, too boring, when if i could just embrace this self as it is, i would have soared more. and if i really embrace this me, i think i can be confident enough to face anything.

gosh, i really thought i was not good enough, i bought books on how to have small talk, for God’s sake! books on being confident, how to make friends because really, i do not know how to be an outgoing person, not friendly enough i guess, because i thought there is something wrong with me. it is not.

as the book mentioned, the world is made for the extroverts. but surprisingly, introverts have made equal success in their own special way. but many introverts had to be pseudo-extroverts because no one tells us otherwise. throughout reading Quiet, many things strike close to heart and i find myself diving into memories of childhood and school, teenage years and even uni years. well, my past was not so bad. it became better with the realization that my actions are true testaments of being an introvert. not because there is something wrong with me.

i am glad i picked up that book and head on read it. already my perspectives on life is more positive, i am more myself without feeling awkward and there is some power in being me. i am close to knowing myself better and better.