it’s.far.better.to.learn

On the journey of knowledge

this too, shall pass

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A Story from Attar

“This, Too, Will Pass”

A powerful king, ruler of many domains, was in a position of such magnificence that wise men were his mere employees. And yet one day he felt himself confused and called the sages to him.
He said:
‘I do not know the cause, but something impels me to seek a certain ring, one that will enable me to stablize my state.

‘I must have such a ring. And this ring must be one which, when I am unhappy, will make me joyful. At the same time, if I am happy and look upon it, I must be made sad.’

The wise men consulted one another, and threw themselves into deep contemplation, and finally they came to a decision as to the character of this ring which would suit their king.
The ring which they devised was one upon which was inscribed the legend:

THIS, TOO, WILL PASS

back to school

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I have finally braved my self and sign up for a specialist diploma course. with the support and consent from my husband. it is a specialist diploma course on counselling for children and youth.

I am still digesting this idea of becoming a part time student and honestly pretty nervous of how my body and brain going to react on having to study extra 6 hours per week to study. I am just glad that this course will be dependant on assignments rather than exams, but who says assignments are easy, hmm..

but I guess I need to have some form of learning in my system before I go stagnant, so to speak. I think the course will be helpful in some ways to understanding the students and most importantly, be able to help them. I mean I know my line is in education, but at this point of time, I am not able to commit to long periods of learning. So let’s try out 6 months first and see how I can take it. Anyway, it will only start in March, I hope this month I will be able to do some rescheduling of my life timetable and body system as well.

It’s going to be exciting, I hope.

😉

survived january

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Came out of January alive.

Thank goodness. all the rush heh. and January really goes very very fast. its February already and I finally am able to breathe for a while.

It is just getting interesting though. I have set my mind on studying this year and I have a few courses in mind to go already. excited much! already I am now going through this mosque officers development course for three months till March.

I had the opportunity to meet the two local leaders, for whom I have great respect towards to, in a sharing session and I find the courage to ask for their advice to face these challenges. and I was glad I did. their message was quite simple but at that point of time, it really touched the mind and heart. Every hard work that we do has its sole purpose of gaining the redha from Allah swt. Matlamat kita hanya kerana Allah. And after every hard work, we must remember and believe, tawakkal ‘alAllah, that at the end of the day, it is truly Allah alone who can give hidayah. Believe in Him and He will guide us. (Al-Baqarah: 282)

We always forget. We take our work and responsibilities, no doubt, with much dedication…and that, in my line, we felt we are not doing enough, we are not teaching enough, and we are not educating the parents enough. maybe we did our best, already gave our best, but at the end of it all, truly, it is Allah who will put in Nur and Hidayah to the people that we are trying to teach. I have wronged myself, and I have wronged Him. I always felt I was a failure for not doing enough, well, I still feel that way, but more enlightened and relieved in a sense that I can still continue do so much more. But I must tawakkal and leave it to Allah swt to do what He wills. Truly guidance and Hidayah comes from Him and Him only. Subhanallah. You know its the simplest things that needs reminding.

We are so bogged down with paperwork we forget the very basic things of our purpose of life. It is all because of Him. This job is not easy. But I pray and pray that Allah forgives me for my weaknesses and wrongs. Forgive me if I am unable to do my best. because I will be accountable for what I did today. I can still move on, I will. until a day comes that I think I had enough. that Allah has destined me to do only so much, I will back down. because I really do not want to be, when at the judgement day, be the person they dragged along to meet His Wrath, I cannot be, Ya Allah. I seek Your forgiveness and Your guidance.

Looking at the two leaders, I am brought down to reality. we are not doing this because we want to, because we have to. all the money does not mean anything, barely a comfort in this world. but there is that end of the road we have yet to go. the real end. no one can barely save one self. except Him.

Forgive me Lord.

I strive to do all I can. Allah will guide me through.

aspire.inspire

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That which befits us, embosomed in beauty and wonder as we are, is cheerfulness, and courage, and the endeavour to realize our aspirations. Shall not the heart which has received so much, trust the power by which it lives? May it not quit other leadings, and listen to the soul that has guided it so gently, and taught it so much, secure that the future will be worthy of the past?

–Ralph Waldo Emerson

seri the seamstress

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and so i did it! i signed up for the sewing class!! burnt a hole in my pocket a bit but i guess its worth it. i am so excited to start class next friday.  and my goal is to finish class by May perhaps and who knows i might just make my own raya dress!! weee i am so so excited!

and life seems a bit more…well, life! and heh, the name kinda rhymes, seri the seamstress..

january had been fun so far and already its february, it really is going fast nowadays. i was just discussing with my teachers yesterday that out of sudden we have so many things to achieve and do already. no more dilly dallying. and so have decided to have a meeting with teachers every thursday so we can be updated every week on our pending items. time is really precious.

i am glad i do no teaching this year…which i really hope this will stay as it is for the rest of the year!

by right i have many things to say. but to keep it short: productive muslim series in singapore was great. the guy was really awesome and inspiring. what do i know, the website i had been following, useful posters i had been using for classes, and the person behind it was here!! and having a real discussion with him and his wife. and i was even more humbled when during one of his talks with the youth, he asked for my opinion of how he as the speaker was doing. my goodness. brother, you were doing just great. its our students who are not responding. but really, im touched that he thinks my opinion matters. alhamdulillah. hope productive muslim will continue to be successful and be a great  speaker and motivator for the muslim youth.  awesome and humble guy. he should come down again and give more talks.

and i settled all my pme (performance management evaluation) with the teachers and the youth officer. and this time around i had been better in delivering it and more confident. i was a bit soft previous years and doesnt really know how to conduct an evaluation, but i think i improved a bit and it was so much better to actually be discussing it. things are more clearer and the teachers are also clearer with the expectations and they understand better why a rating was given as such.

i was invited to an fgd one of the days with the colleagues from ace centres and that was another discussion which all of us were really honest and really let out our opinion and grievances of the system. our stand was especially the recognition for our teachers in terms of salary and training. enough of paying them degree holders pittance. they must be recognised as all those recognition that even maids and cleaners are getting.  me being where i am, i really dont care how much they are paying me because really it doesnt help at all, but i care for the teachers and what they are getting is just ridiculous. its not ten years ago when you can live with that kind of pay.

sorry, this is supposed to be a light happy post. haha. but really it has been all discussions for me this week.

must be this three 0 thing.

on the playlist.. Mojo. this band might just revive my interest to msian bands again.

listopia

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it’s only tuesday, no?  it has been two productive days! i think some new habits im trying to develop is working. hope this stays as long as it is, although today i almost broke my promise about having ME time during lunch. but i stopped, just leave my table as it is. and had lunch and prayed, i definitely work better after that.

anyway just yesterday i was listing out things NOT TO BUY. this morning, i go and make a wishlist. haha.

nothing major, its all those materialistic things of a person who doesnt have much responsibility like having children. just a pair of dr mart boots (i miss wearing boots!!), a turqoise and a maroon coloured watches (i love watches. not too worry though coz i go by ‘the watch chooses you’, so i havent seen any that have that kind of calling) and a fujifilm instax 50s.

i will stop at that. 😉

i am going to spend more on skills and workshops.

that also i have a list:

first up to go is Sewing class, which i’m going to sign up this Friday! woohoo!! cant wait! actually no need to go also can. learn from youtube videos like that boy in the newspaper…i tried…but there are certain things i dont understand, maybe learning live under an expert would be better. well, let’s just have a try anyway.

and then breadmaking..i know it’s like any woman can make breads themselves why bother go to a class…but i dont have that cooking skills you know, so i think im going to just go for it when the opportunity comes. why not cakes? my sis in law bake awesome beautiful heavenly rich like-you-can-taste-it-just-by-describing-it cakes. i dont have that creativity with cakes. bread looks easy with a set of ‘formulas’. i mean how many shapes can a ‘bun’ look?

scrapbooking class for the fun of it! i know husband wont be supportive in that, creativity is enough to him…but anyway there’s no more Made With Love (MWL) shop at Plaza Singapura, and Paper Market dont look so interesting and as friendly as MWL…so it may take a while before i take this up, in the meantime, its all a mix and match and learning from scrapbook websites..

and archery!! i miss archery so much!! i was an archer back in Uni. and i know there is one archery class in the neighbourhood, except its on weekends, and yeah my weekends are burnt..but i hope one day both me and husband will get to do it sometimes.

and then floristry! there’s a diploma for it ok!! i want i want! laugh if you want but flowers make me happy! and i have always been amazed with people who can just do up a bouquet so easily! im going for it ok, that is, if i cant go for any Masters in Education or Diploma in HR and Training courses. haha.

and of course, any forums/workshops which is kinda trending these days locally. if i can afford it, i will take the opportunity. makes life more interesting. otherwise its work work work. bleurgh.

so im building up a utopia mind for myself. whatever that means.

 

embrace sunday

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Its a sunday i preferred. Not so lazy sunday coz i got to cook and did some laundry which includes folding them all.

While folding them clothes, i thought to myself and realised that i like doing these housechores. That it gives me pleasure feeling the warm bedsheets after a few hours hanging under the sun, ironing them, yes i iron my bedsheets. My husband thought it absurd, i mean he doesnt mind it unironed but ironing them makes me feel happy like all the germs dead and creases gone looking so smart. I think its just in the mind. But whatever.

Oh yes, like a child happily achieving something, i would squeal happily everytime my cooking tastes nice! Haha. But being a latebloomer, i never really thought about taste when it comes to food, but after watching all them foodshows, and the opportunity to go nice eating places, my tastebuds are awakened. And i can judge and criticise my own cooking. And learn what works and what isnt.

And now just lazing with husband, watching tv. I get to blog a bit and i get to read. Pure bliss.

A few more days to 2013. I dont do new year resolutions, although moneywise, i have learnt to spend only when needed sans books, that i cannot resist. And i know its always good to shop during sales. But what i want to do now is to do a monthly saving for knowledge or learning. i have a bit of saving this year, so next year i want to start keeping a sum aside just in case there are classes or workshops i want to go to. I know i have a list of workshops i want to go to, latest is floristry. But one thing at a time. Next year, i dont care, if i have the opportunity to attend some classes, i will.

Before i get pregnant and have a child, i think this is my time to learn as much knowledge and skills as possible. And i do not want to make work a reason for having no time to do things that i love. NO.NO MORE. I refuse to be dictated by my job.

So i look forward to a fulfilling year. Nervewrecking it may be, but i promise myself to be happy and enjoy life while i can. I do not want my mind to be bogged down by my work. I think i have had enough of that.

Well, its also going to be an interesting year because the big 3 oh is claiming its time soon. I do not wish to be a boring plain all work and no play person. God forbid!

Hello 2013 then. Bring it on.

gratitude

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So i have been reading. it made me reminisce those days when i have to do research. reading upon reading and trying to make sense of everything in a short time possible. only this time, im reading to plan a lesson. a lesson that i hope will make an impact to the people out there. i took up this with the thought that it gives me a chance to challenge myself and the knowledge i thought i had. i didnt think it was going to be difficult.

but this has been an opportunity to really crack my brain and recall all those lessons ive learnt back in school and uni. i will say it again, this is really difficult! Allahu mustaan, allahu yassir wa laa tu’assir. i need this to benefit the ummah. Allah please help me.

so the term gratitude. i have mentioned in my previous post how exhaustive life has been for me. so i come upon a website (pickthebrain) while looking for some inspirational articles to bring myself up up and up again. one of the tips is to focus on gratitude and the positive things that have happened, and in my case, my career thus far.

since i have graduated, i have been in this circle and i have met some very good people along the way who trusted and believed in me. given me chances and opportunities. but i guess i dont always give my best. sometimes i say i dont know how to do and dont think. ok that is me belittling myself. back to the gratitude part.

– i have a simple but close knit family
– i went to a good madrasah and passed through effortlessly all the way to A Levels nurturing and educating me
– i got admitted to one of the best Islamic universities and received knowledge from great lecturers who shaped my values and prepared me to face the world
– i got a job, albeit as a mere project officer, immediately after graduating
– i had the first hand experience to see the development of mosque madrasah’s curriculum and the challenges it faced…all that critics, mindblowing questions, the publicity it had to go through to convince people, the curriculum changes and the numerous edits done. i see this curriculum grow. i was part of it having helped developed some of them.
– i have always been able to work under pressure, in fact, i work well under pressure although at times i like to be well prepared ahead

– heck i started the madrasah, from scratch, from zero knowledge. from zero student to…now..about 800 students? it was really an opportunity of a lifetime. and it has to be one of my best achievement.

– and now i am married to a most loving caring most patient man that is always there to give me a hug and a kiss when things go wrong.

– rezeki is all in the hands of the Lord. will get what is sufficient. insya Allah.

im in gratitude of what i have and had achieved as of now. i just need to move on and improve. make interesting what seems not and make ezciting what seems to lack of it.

i can do this.