oh well.. blogger has a new look. and i’m trying this dynamic view templates. i like the fact that it has different styles of columns and arrangements of the blogposts but i cant seem to change the background colour. let’s stick to this until i figured it out.

i am at home on time off since my sunday was burnt out with work back at the mosque. but coming back home, i wanted to settle some research work whose dateline is really, deadline. and i think i need to focus on this once and for all because otherwise it will be like this cloud behind my mind screaming at me to complete it. so at home, had lunch, on the tv but i couldnt concentrate on it, and my mind already reeling with this research work.

but taking a break from all this thinking and blogger has taken my interest for the past hour. haha.

so what else can i tell you besides work? on which i have a battle within myself in trying to figure out the purpose of why i do the things i do and whether i am being fair to my family, myself, to the community even? but as always, i need to be the strong entity? when things felt like falling apart and going wrong at work? there is really too many things needed to be done.

i tried scheduling my cluster of work in a day, like an hour lesson planning, another hour on becoming a loanshark, another hour as a librarian, another hour as a planner, another hour as a newsletter editor another hour as sports project event, sometimes as a youth worker but thank LORD the new youth officer is much much more reliable with the help of a young project officer. tell me what else can i do within the span of 8 hours?! i tried that and well, it did help in compartmentalising my mind, but it doesnt help me finish my work well. Lord, just help me with all the energy it need to do my work.

my workspace…i got it arranged and cleared up one day, it goes up piling the very next day.

ok ok. enough.

on to MY LIFE…

Ella concert was great, Cranberries was awesome. Hunger games left me crying for most part and in fear, praying that the real world does not end up like the world in the story.  Battleship was engaging until they had to get a museum ship which was 70 years old to save the world after the high tech modern battleships was destroyed by humanlike aliens. haha.

but this is not just what is happening in my life.

and would you believe me if i tell you i am trying to diet? yes, believe it. it is about my weight and about my health hehe. but im loving it. was going to try something called BioSlim, but it takes so much work with all kinds of drinks i have to drink. i ended up not following it. so how is my diet routine? hehe, actually its the Xbox Kinect exercise and dance central game!! that’s the only thing that makes me sweat apart from the housework i do on fridays! but it means i really have to find time to do it. some Mila seeds every morning, vitamin C and supplementary tablets and plenty of clear pure water everyday.

so it comes to this, i realise, it really is about time and just do whatever i want to do (nothing related to work) with whatever time i have. it actually gives me the satisfaction and oh yea, some sense of sanity or otherwise i will become insane because of work. really, i cannot let work rule me, right. it gives me a mental block to everything else i enjoy doing.  i am grateful of this opportunity to serve and make myself useful. but i believe i am useful somewhere else too, like at home and being a wife.

although right now, i am feeling sad, because some sundays i am away at work, heck weekends away at work but my heart is screaming to be with my husband. i know he is being very patient and supportive in a sense that he insisted to send me everytime i go to work weekends, bought/made me breakfast, i know ultimately me at home is what he loves most.

so why is it hard to make a decision?