lost.symphonies

Of favourite songs and bands

never say die

/ livingseri / Leave a comment

survived the month.

went into a new job with diarrhoea the first week i was there. but i persevered. amidst the emotional and mental struggle of having to be where i have to be.

survived headaches and finally succumbed to flu and fever. amidst the rush to finish my first ever masters’ programme essays.

mad rush really. i survived. alhamdulillah. getting used to a new job and and new student role. sometimes you can really surprised your own self by the things you thought you could never do.

today marks a new month. and i hope i can continue to persevere and work hard as i can be. i pretty much getting the hang of this.

and all these changes can be pretty exciting too.

Wasn’t it gonna be fun and wasn’t it gonna be new?
Wasn’t it gonna be different and wasn’t it gonna be true?
Didn’t you say that?

Never, never, never, ever
Never, ever, ever say die

-Chvrches


luluh

/ livingseri / Leave a comment

hi. i am surprised at myself sometimes, for always coming back here. like an exboyfriend you don’t really got over with. if it feels like that, i wouldnt know actually. the only real boyfriend i had is my husband now. *hearts*

it’s 8 years now. sometimes i still feel we’re like just 2-3 years into the marriage. time just passed by. age is catching up. we recreated our wedding songlist on spotify (also because we happened to volunteer to find songs for my sister’s wedding and let her choose her faves). and chanced upon some malaysian indie bands, some of which had been some forgotten faves, and then realised we love these same bands! see what 8 years made us into?! a makcik and pakcik couple into rock indie bands! i guess there are things you never knew about your partner and found out along the way.

i told him if i had met him some 10 years ago and knew he was into these bands, i would have fallen in love with him head over heels, as they put it. no turning back. haha. it’s a few weeks since our 8th year anniversary already but we still have these playlists on replay.

no matter. we are still in love very much this year (and for many many years to come), what’s with the three weddings we had back to back in the Kayat family.

anyway, i have this habit of song love spurts that makes me want to hear the song on repeat at a time, depending on the mood and whatever it is i’m facing at the moment, sometimes it’s just the music, the rhythm. but somehow this one particular grabbed my attention for the moment. maybe some euphoric unconscious familiarity that touched the mind and heart. this song makes my heart sank, really.

for my listening pleasure.

Ku telah hilang segala arah dan tujuan hidup ku.
Ku tak punya apa.
Ku mahu kau hadir berikan ku petunjuk.
Jangan biar ku hanyut
Luluh tanpa dikesan
Jangan biar ku terus
Hilang dalam sesalan

dying in the sun

/ livingseri / Leave a comment

Do you remember
The things we used to say?
I feel so nervous
When I think of yesterday

How could I let things
Get to me so bad?
How did I let things get to me?

Like dying in the sun

Will you hold on to me
I am feeling frail
Will you hold on to me
We will never fail

I wanted to be so perfect you see
I wanted to be so perfect

the thought there will be no more The Cranberries concert ever again. there is no more Dolores O’Riordan. when your fave famous persons start to die one by one. surreal.

her words though.
has always been a reflection of some teenage angst or even midlife crisis im starting to feel nowadays.

not sorry

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Keep on looking through the window again,

But I’m not sorry if I do insult you.
I’m sad, not sorry, ’bout the way that things went,
And you’ll be happy and I’ll be forsakin’ thee.

I swore I’d never feel like this again,
But you’re so selfish, you don’t see
What you’re doing to me,
I keep on looking through the window again.
No I’m not sorry if I do insult you.
No, I’m not sorry if I do insult you.

You told me lies, and I sighed, and I sighed, and I sighed.
‘Cause you lied, lied, and I cried, yes I cried, yes, I cry, I cry, I try again.

I realize, as he sighed, and he sighed and he sighed.
‘Cause you lied, lied, and I cried, yes I cried, yes, I cry, I cry, I try again.

Keep on looking through the window again,
But I’m not sorry if I do insult you.
I’m sad, not sorry, ’bout the way that things went,
And you’ll be happy and I’ll be forsakin’ thee.

I swore I’d never feel like this again,
But you’re so selfish,
You don’t see what you’re doing to me,
I keep on looking through the window again.
No I’m not sorry if I do detest you.
No, I’m not sorry if I do detest you.

You told me lies, and I sighed, and I sighed, and I sighed.
‘Cause you lied, lied, and I cried, yes I cried, yes, I cry, I cry, I try again.

I realize, as he sighed, and he sighed and he sighed.
‘Cause you lied, lied, and I cried, yes I cried, yes, I cry, I cry, I try again.

Keep on looking through the window again.
Keep on looking through the window again…

love song to me

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there’s a part of me you’ll never know
the only thing i’ll never show

hopelessly i’ll love you endlessly
hopelessly i’ll give you everything
but i won’t give you up
i won’t let you down
and i won’t leave you falling
if the moment ever comes

it’s plain to see it’s trying to speak
cherished dreams forever asleep

hopelessly i’ll love you endlessly
hopelessly i’ll give you everything
but i won’t give you up
i won’t let you down
and i won’t leave you falling
if the moment ever comes

goodbye 2017.

letting the cables sleep

/ livingseri / Leave a comment

i know why i am feeling this melancholic feeling. it could be due to the overwhelming things i have to complete and the many other things that are bugging my brain. so i go back to that time in the past where i was fighting with my finding who i really am. and then i start listening to songs from the past feeding the emo, so to speak. because i feel like that is where i need to be. because that was a time i believed i knew who i am. it had never changed since then. it was a matter of adjusting, adapting and finding a balance to what i really am now. i was not perfect. it was a difficult balance. and if i want to find that balance, then just maybe this job is not the right job for me because it requires me to be perfect. and i am not. never will be.

this could also be due to this biological mess of irregularities and hormonal reflexes keeps making me teary eyed at every single thing and single thought. i am back to either having that rebellious streak or that of bringing myself down. arrgghhh this constant fight. how do i tear myself away from all these? i feel like im only putting on a mask. you know i am not functioning well rationally from what i am writing now. p.e.n.a.t.

so maybe this song will help. speaking of which, where are all these bands??!

the hipster’s learning

/ livingseri / Leave a comment

i am finally done with my mosque officers course. well, it had been a good learning experience, this one. and like a true sacrifice-during-studies drama, my parents were warded one after another, to and fro the hospitals, rush to and fro work. SubhanAllah. today was a final assessment and presentation. our group did way better than expected. great.

such a turnaround of expectations on this course, it truly had been useful and engaging, trainers were great too. despite taking away two working days every week for the past 6 weeks, i felt that it was put to good us, and hey, a good escape too at times. the dread is the amount of work left pending and truly i have pending tasks which would have been completed much earlier. so now it’s back to normal working routine. i probably would miss the monday-tuesday learning escapades.

my learning journey does not end here though. i may have mentioned it somewhere around here, i will taking up a specialist diploma on children and youth counselling. it was a decision of do or die, or in my case, its either do or be intellectually stagnant. i wanted this and alhamdulillah had my husband’s support. and the course will start this friday night! i am nervous-excited as people normally do when they start their first class. i hope they dont have too much group work because i dont think i can handle anymore groupworks at the moment. was pretty lucky i had a good group for mods course, although there were some personality clash but it worked out great at the end.

and this weekend, i will be attending an NLP course, something i had always wanted to attend as well and another just do it decision. so it’s going to be an enriching week!

now what’s left to do is to sign up for as much Islamic courses or workshops available out there. i dont care even if the speakers are my acquaintances or people i used to work with. for learning sake. we are never perfect and we will always need reminders. and hopefully, going to these courses will spark interest from my siblings and hubby as well…

on a sidetrack. i am listening to warpaint and chvrches while typing out this post and i am beginning to regret not going to laneway last month (there were chvrches and daughter among the lineup). so say perhaps warpaint reach this tiny island, i may just go for it. i am a closet hipster after all, so they say.

ataris

/ livingseri / Leave a comment

ohh there you go…my teenage years bands suddenly coming up relived… i found out from a small column in the straits times’ life section that there was The Ataris gig right here in singapore!! zaman biler seh the ataris!! but i had loved them.

here’s to ataris, you’ve been missed

note: wanted to put up their Beautiful Mistake, but i cant find a decent video of them from youtube. (and you thought you can get everything from the tube)

notenote: and following Finch in facebook, their page is recently alive with updates..could it be?? will they ever come to this red dot?