About myself, my characters, my attitudes, my likings and what i discover about myself.
my quarter year resolution:
1. cook better meals for husband (let’s bring out the nigella in me haha)
2. exercise/train as though i am preparing for a kinabalu hike (Everest next time, let’s start ‘small’)
3. follow through the habits
in addition to my:
1. borrow more instead of buying books
2. be less serious
see, i do remember my resolutions.
time is going too fast this year. already we are one week away from the third month! the third month of the year already I tell you. I somehow felt we should still be in January now.
I have put my whole heart mind and energy into my job and have some sense of work life balance as well. certain things I need to learn for now after two months of fast going routine.
1) I need to learn to let go. let go and let other people take the lead. because otherwise I am always anxious. learn to have full faith and tawakkal that whenever I am not around, things will go as it should be. it will be OK. I have to believe in it. it is all in the mind really. If I don’t learn to let go and let others lead, I am going to be stressed out and probably get high blood pressure, because that is how I am feeling these weeks.
2) Learn to be less serious. this has a lot to do with controlling how I react to situations. its either I take it positively and take it less personal or I start blaming myself and feel all negative about it. I used to be able to only see the positive sides of things, but being where I am now, I do have to be critical about things sometimes because otherwise we cannot learn. it is all about feedback. but it is also a balance of circle of control and circle of influence. there you go, some nlp and 7 habits practised together.
3) the planner works like….heaven!! I love my weekly planner and it has been my bff ever since. after trying out so many apps on productivity, I knew I am still a paper and pen person. it puts things more in perspective of what I am expected to do, help me to compartmentalise my work, family and personal life. made it more obvious and the magic of writing it down – it is a commitment. thank you Kikki K for just the right kind of journal I needed. it is just the simplicity and its functionality. ‘decorating’ it is not my priority, it’s more of impromptu-ness. some coloured pens and highlighters is all it needs. although i do have the life stickers that come with the journal, some small cute stamps i bought and i finally found a habit tracker that is not an app! its just an added on small piece of paper that i was able to paste at the corner of each week. i love it. everything i need in a journal.
4) i learnt that there’s only so much we can do in a day. the first few weeks of the year, i would be writing down a whole list of tasks i need to do for the DAY, but i realised, at the speed rate of work i am doing, i only managed to cross out a few items and have to bring forward the rest to the next day, to which, i had initially list other tasks. so apart from organizing my workload into days, like Mondays for research like and Tuesdays for paperworks, i decided that i can only achieve to complete three tasks only in a day. 1 major tasks and two additional somewhat minor tasks. because otherwise, i got stuck doing one thing and i cannot move on doing other pending tasks. already my job sometimes take a lot of time such as fee chasing and data records, which requires me to be meticulous. and then i don’t do other stuffs like lesson overviews and lesson planning. so yea, learn to let go (item 1) and accept that i can only do three tasks in a day. not more than that. so far, there has not been an idle day in my weeks now.
5) time is of major important factor in all this planning. and the power of foreseeing how much time you need to do a task or a meeting or whatever it is, is indeed very powerful. i have always trusted my time-thinking instinct and i am going to continue to do that. like when i know i have to chair a meeting, i projected my mind that this meeting is going to take only an hour. an hour it will indeed take. perhaps an extra 15 minutes allowance, but somehow i manage to stick to the time. if i have to attend a meeting, than usually that will take two hours max, so i will plan out my day to work around that two hours meeting and list out tasks which are manageable and doesn’t require much brainstorming or decision making. because after a meeting, depending on its subject at hand, i can get very brain drained. plan your time. it works wonders.
6) it has become a bit more easier to switch from my conscious mind to the unconscious. especially when i have a goal to achieve or something i really need to complete or accomplish. writing it down is the visual aspect of motivation. but the unconscious mind has a bigger role in making it happen. the belief that i can make it happen. it takes a while and some practice but i believe it is better for me now. it gives me that mind-nudge to just do it and follow through. same thing with the teachers when i do my contact time with them. key word. follow through.
7) and that brings me to one last thing. communicate. communicate. communicate. make time to communicate. with the teachers, full time or part time, i need to make that effort to ask how’s it going. because then that is one way to follow through. and i am teaching myself to take any setback or feedback or challenge as a positive thing that makes our worklife more exciting.
if i am down, there is no reason for my teachers to get that vibe and having that heavy hearted and down feeling as well. even if it is a mask, i will try to make myself feel better and see all these as the colours and spices of the worklife.
and my unconscious mind is set on becoming a good wife too this 2015! planning planning planning. and follow through.
a proper blog this time. after a few simple book reviews and a poem at that. who would have thought. in the middle of the night, i was disturbed by a comment and i came up with a whole poem.
you know how you think you know yourself and anything that is related to your likes and dislikes and perhaps learnt of or heard of something but it sort of takes a while, a long while sometimes, to finally ‘digest’ that information or a word becomes more meaningful in a eureka moment?
well i have been having some these days. realisations and a sudden embrace of an idea, a surprisingly wholesome feeling in my heart and my mind. perhaps, my unconscious mind is awaken more these days. whats with that ‘powerful’ swings of my pendulum, when it used to be only politely telling a yes or a no. i guess it is. practice do makes perfect.
anyway.
bibliophile. i know. its a word i should have read and heard of before. and i did. but only now i feel like i can actually relate to this word. that it suddenly brings a new meaning to me. to describing me. an amateur but you have to start somewhere. my only regret. my twins at st clare’s hardback collection, which my parents bought for me during my enid blyton days, which somehow was either given away or thrown away, well, i found out it costs more than USD100 for the whole set and it can go more if bought as a whole. i suddenly realise books are valuable and their value do increase. i could have been an owner of a ‘priceless’ sets of books. not that i would ever sell them away.
i bought a new paperback sets of my beloved storybooks, and it doesnt feel the same. it doesnt. and i will continue to search for a publication suitable to the beautiful memories i had from reading them and that childhood simple satisfaction from reading. beautiful.
librarian. have i said it before i loved being a librarian once and it will forever be my favourite job? i think i have said them many times before. i guess i have not grew out of it. that idea still lingers. and i will not be surprised if one day i would just take off and find a librarian job. retirement plan at least, for now. i think libraries will stay strong despite the digital world overcoming the printed world. it will last for as long as it could. because there are still millions of booklovers out there.
comparative religion. my first love and always will. 7 years on after reading it in my alma mater, i still find joy reading about religions, finding out new information or relieving them. but also meaning that it is not about learning other religions, it is also deepening my knowledge about my own religion. i mean i knew about this, but its just a hovering in my mind, but now, it means: action. it means there are so many things about my religion that i want to share with others. late bloomer, as always, Seri.
maybe being 30 means finding something deeper within oneself. understanding and awakening who we really are.
i am ready to embrace, me.
An ode to my alter ego
A character of my fantasy
When fantasy was the only reality
When i was hurt and searching for me
When i was alone and in love
When i was weak and faithful
When i was strong and humble
An ode to this alter ego
A representative when no me was portrayed
An art is someone’s dream
A yearning in my eyes and imagination
An image of near modest beauty and strength
An archer in black beauty
An archer in firm softness
For that was what i was in search for
An ode to my alter ego
For forever being in my image
For forever a picture of me
For being a part of me without a second thought
So ingrained you have become a me
An ode to my alter ego
For it is hard to say goodbye
For somewhere you will be a twin of me
For sometime people do not understand
For the reason of not knowing me at all
But you is me
Just…a picture for me
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Disclaimer: for a long time i tried to search again the graphic artist of this picture. I remembered finding it in deviantart and instantly fell in love with it but the website has since grown and have so much artists and pictures it became impossible. It must have been more than ten years already i had this picture with me. I wanted to thank the graphic artist for this beautiful image and hope he or she continues to dream and create.
i am not a person who do resolutions for a new year. but 2015 calls for one, ok , just two.
1. borrow more instead of buying books.
which is pretty obvious. i spent big on books and i have close to 300 books without realising it. it could have been more if i had not been giving away books to students, and two charities. yes, it could have been more. well, it doesnt hurt to save up a bit more for the time being. after paying my way for a diploma, i need to replenish the savings.
2. be less serious.
i need to be less angry and less serious. i want to be able to see the humorous side of things. not to frown so much and not worry so much.
nlp tools have been very helpful. i did two last night, collapsing anchor and hynotise the unconscious mind.
i wanted to be able to pick up the phone and not feel annoyed everytime it rings. because i dont know why, i hated phonecalls and it always annoys me. so i did collapsing anchor on that one. i guess it worked today.
and the hypnotic tool to train my self to be less serious and be more positive.
i have so many things to achieve this year. i need to be strong and positive. and maybe finally let go?
no. i am not going to blog about how my 2014 had been. not yet anyway. how is spend my new year’s eve? well at home. timecheck now is 9.00pm and i am practically ready to sleep because the week had been such crazy and rush. a break tomorrow only means i do not have to go out to work but i will be working from home. ok ok i know boring.
despite this festive seasons and sales going on everywhere, i am surprised at myself for not actually shopping. say this: no desire to shop. you know for like bags or shoes or clothes. i went crazy for books though, as always. i think i have had three purchases from book depository and a package from amazon. i did splurge, if you can put it that way, on three jubahs online, only because i have waited so long for those dresses and was fortunate that it was on a discounted price.
call me nerd or geek but my ‘priced’ item for the month has go to be the Kikki K minimalist organizer folder. although it is going to be my travel journal, which i have been trying to find one that suits me and what i have in mind. finally found it! finally can start doing my travel journal notes.
and my 2015 is going to be a purple year, looking from my notebooks. three at that. i foresee a hectic year. when is there ever a ‘less’ hectic year. but if it starts on the right ‘footing’ i hope it will turn out to be a good year. In Sya Allah but i am crazy over planning and lists right now. can never have enough monologue notebooks though. and still a paper and pen person. i tried few apps on my iPad/iPhone, but i just cannot bring myself to always check my iPad/iPhone for my plans. still cant. list out certain things, yes sometimes but not major stuffs you know.
i just want to be present every day next year. another day for that.
good night.
good night 2014.
i have never realised listening to Mishary using headphones can be so encompassing, surrounding my space and leaving no space in my brain to think of anything else but listen to the verses.
and the heart beats. the heart beats. the heart beats in awe. and the tears flutter. and the soul is alive.
dont get me wrong. you know earphones have always been the lesser effect than headphones. its just today that i put on the headphones instead of normal earphones to listen to Mishary’s recitation of Taha.
dear headphones. you certainly have found a role more important than the songs we listen to.
it took me approximately 15 hours, spread out between two days, to type out two assignments.
and this is considered i am really giving my full attention to the assignment at hand. of course with the occasional facebooking and instagramming and even online shopping!
i am in the midst of my very last assignment from my counseling special diploma course and then i can truly say i have completed my studies for this year. the thing is i dont seem to have the urge to be the number one in this course. being an adult, so to speak, old, my concern is to, really, just breeze through the classes, learnt the concepts and theories and skills and no exams so much the better. there is definitely no sense of competition, everyone just wants to learn from one another. they don’t even mind if i happen to be an extreme introvert on certain days. i dont like to be forced to speak up or forced to present or being put in the position where i have to be the one doing the presentation, as it always happen back in degree days.
i have to say taking up this course is one of the better choices i made. albeit i am paying the fees purely from my own salary and depleting my savings terribly but i guess, the skills i learnt are very useful in my line of work. although, learning is always easy, putting them into practice is another whole different story. but i guess i like the challenge. and being the pseudo advisor to so many people is not an easy feat to uphold. i put such high expectations on myself i guess. i have to stop that.
anyway, i have many challenges coming up soon. much soon. i pray for health, strength and wisdom in these hard times.
today is the last day of 1435 hijrah year. i would like to have a bit of reflection on that. next post soon. got to get back to my few hundred words left on this last assignment. but i am on a writing mode i guess. i even have a blank word doc ready with a title for a short story. another time.
it is a combination of what i learnt from nlp and the knowledge i gained from reading this book. i have to say, they are probably things i have learnt or heard from before, but hopefully from reading them, i am more than eager to try out all the spiritual tips shared with goal setting nlp style.
so here are what i chose to do.
1. Take care of my prayers. really take care now. more than ever. with age catching up fast and all.
2. Tahajjud and my favourite solat sunnah – solat tasbih. i admit, for the past few years, i made effort of doing them during Ramadan. difficult yes. but no more. time to make a routine of it. small steps surely.
3. Sadaqah, the power of sadaqah must not be taken lightly. i did my part but i want to do more. because truly the rezeki we received or gained is not ours and it is our responsibility to give it to those rightful over it. until then, can it be called our rezeki.
4. be grateful.
Rejabku penuh sibuk
Rejabku pantas berlalu
Rejabku hanya tugas bertalu
Rejabku jangan hilang begitu
Rejabku penuh pilu
Rejabku terusik qalbu
Rejabku khabar sayu
Rejabku jangan marahkan aku
Rejabku lihat dakwah sana
Rejabku disini dakwahku
Rejabku menanda tanya
Rejabku, apa yang dikejarkan?
Rejabku, luaskan dakwah ku
Rejabku, ikhlaskan ibadah ku
Rejabku, laksanakan amanahku
Rejabku jangan hilang begitu
Allahumma baariklanaa fii Rajab wa Sya’aban, wa ballighnaa fi Ramadhan
living seri 