it is very rare of me to be blogging two times in a day. it has always been in a frequency of once a month. haha. and although i am supposed to do some work, but holding on to the principle of it is my off day, i am alone since my husband is working, i deserve this me time while i can.

i have the sudden inclination of writing down, i mean blog about…the changes i faced, about my self which i have learnt and grown to love more. im not saying i didnt love my self. i realised that i learnt a lot about my self these few years. i am a latebloomer that is for sure. i dont act adult-ish, if you know what i mean. just following through the ages. while i see many of my ‘cohorts’ married and have children, well, im happily and devotedly married just not a mother yet. oh well, maturity is one’s development at own pace. i finally realised i need to dress properly and smartly, a bit more effort in the dressing.

i have definitely learnt a few things in my twenties. for one thing, i have finally embraced that work is not everything. yes i would love to move on and probably earn more than i do now. you can never know but at this moment, i will focus on what i have to do as God has planned it.

home and  crafts

being a Cancer, i know i love home and everything that has got to do with home. i love pretty things, i love sewing, scrapbooking. and these are hobbies i want to improve my skills on and do as much as i can. i want to learn cooking and i have always wanted to learn breadmaking. but one thing at a time yea.

books

i love books and i know i have developed and recognized the genre of books and authors i love reading. memoirs, spiritual, inspirational, drama, and somehow i found myself reading Man Booker prize books, although many i havent read. still loving fantasy but rather choosy of the authors. i tried reading romance, chick lit, but i dont enjoy them as much as i do the rest. although Nora Roberts is one author i would look for if i have that sudden interest to read those genres. and i wanted to try reading other genres such as thriller or investigative novels, but apart from Dan Brown, i dont know of any other authors who i can grow to love.  anyway, knowing what books i love is good so that i wont do impulsive buying when it comes to books.

what woman wants

in a way i have become a conscious buyer. well, a work in a progress still though because i still love shopping but i know what i like and what suits me. i stop impulsive purchases. online shopping…well i had many experience in online shopping. the ugly dresses that came not as promised, the ones which never came, the ones which is nice to look at but not for wear. i have definitely learnt that if i am not sure of wearing them, or i am not sure of the material, do not buy. especially shawls. many times i do not like the material of a shawl, or its as big as a table mat, sigh, enough of all that.

and clothes/dresses too. i love block colours and checkered designs but choosy with prints. definitely love earth colours: purple, turquoise, teal, darker shades of green, brown or bronze, dark blue, and darker shades of orange and red. i know people around me already understands my preference.

no make up. i gave up on that. basic stuff will do for me. i remember one nice lady’s advice, you dont have to wear everything,  but a lipstick is all you need to give colour to your face. i dont know fashion but i took up the lady’s advice. i love m.a.c and revlon and sticking to those for now. i cant catch up with all the brands out there.

travelling has given me the love for handcrafted bags. i dont need many bags and i guess the bags out there are too expensive for me. i cant afford them. i have used and love my billabong tote bag which i bought in Bali many years ago. i still use it. many times i contemplated to buy them bags with some brands, after many thoughts, i ended up not buying. i have about 4 bags i regularly use, a timbuktu sling and denizen haversack for travels, a new look messenger bag, all them bought during sales. and yes the handcrafted bags i bought from my travels, which dont cost much. im grateful and happy with what i have.

sound effects and overdramatics

anything else, well music and movies. i love anything fantasy and tim burton. and i have loved mind boggling movies and anything leonardo dicaprio (sans titanic, i dont get that movie, never, not even for Leo). time travelling and mutants a must and some dramas too but not too romance. apparently i loved a walk to remember but slept through the rest of nicholas sparks’ movies.

indie rocks. verbatim. i have my faves and my hates. those bands i still listen too sometimes. used to remember those teen crazy times of BSB, Britney Spears, what’s that group with a Justin Timberlake? but BSB was IT lah eh. haha. but once after i turn 15 yrs old i made a 360 degrees round and my interest was into rock, alternative, whatever they call it lah those times.  so many of those bands. I was an LPUnderground member ok! but nothing to be proud of. they are just songs i listen to while growing up. nowadays, a bit more mixed but stick to my ‘roots’.

my self

its true they say, experience matures a person. i developed some characters along the way. i like tidiness. although there have been many times the room or the workspace are just a mess, but i love the feeling of cleaning them up and that clear mind of knowing things are in place. i can work properly when all things are in place. i have learnt to show or tell what i feel or think when the need is there. if i dont like something, i will say it. i had been the one to be on the willing party or just let the other person have their way, but when you start working, you really have to say out your mind. people took advantage of my kindness. no more. nowadays, its my way style already. just hope i can manage that style and not be too demanding, but im not that kind of person lah. its a cancerian thing.

i have always been the neutral kind of person. and i guess that evolves into the way that i dont take sides anymore. i still believe on the good side of everyone, but i learnt to be critical and not take things at face value. it’s a skill i acquire because dealing with children and teens, i believe in the best of them, and for them to believe in themselves, i have to pave the way.

one valuable thing i have learnt so far, i think is, to go beyond the difficult people and their attitudes, and learn to accept them as it is, it enables me to see the goodness within them. learn to live with that or else, ignorance is bliss-  still the best policy.

im naive and agreeing all the time, but nowadays, i have been a bit more critical and less agreeing to whatever people say but learnt to give a bit of opinion. i just need to have more facts though.

im rambling much. sorry to bore whoever is reading this. i thought it good to just take note of the changes so i may then move on and improve more.

motivation

despite all these, its going to be a spiritual year for me. i want to spend more time for the spiritual me. otherwise it will be the ghost of me. like a mantra now since the new year. WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING. i do not want to rush through my prayers anymore.  i want to indulge in it. i used to pray as fast i can thinking of work. i am sick of it and ashamed of myself. my brain must learn to segregate itself. when praying, everything else on pause.  please ok seri. Insya Allah.