maybe.memories

Good memories worth remembering with family and friends

ready to be me

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appreciating this one week holiday even though me and hubby are not going anywhere. seriously, everyone are going somewhere globetrotting. we’ll just be a tourist in our own country and staycationing at our ‘resort’ home. hehe.

the past weekend had been fulfilling with time wellspent with both sides of the family. we watched star wars movie with my brother and father. and then a trip to the super crowded gardens by the bay in the evening. pretty with lights and a carnival going around, enjoyed the satay and i just love the walking. i had been thinking of doing more walking as part of this healthy routine i am doing and finally had it. according to sil who tracked steps with her phone, we pretty much walked about 10k steps. not bad huh.

sunday was a day spent with my sister and mother. my little sister siti is no longer little and believe it or not, she is getting engaged this January! so we went to find her a nice outfit for the event. she is such a simple and practical girl, i am proud of her. will be going to jb tomorrow to check out some things she had in mind.

i finally managed to come up with a personal mission statement. it took very long alright. i had been reading the 7 habits book and i practically stopped reading at the personal mission statement part. i know i have to write down something before i could move on. i have to say it took almost a year to perfect it i started reading 7 habits somewhere last year, mind you. and now i have the personal mission statement written everywhere. in all of my planner diaries and journals. and writing them down makes conviction and a commitment. i hope i can persevere.

 

i am ready to be me. to be. me.

 

 

the giving pouch

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i have this sudden idea and urge to materialise and work on something. i got this sudden idea when i was trying to donate to a mosque donation tin, and i was scrambling and searching for some coins in my bag. at that moment i thought why dont i have a coinbag or pouch for these loose changes so it will be easy for me the next time i want to donate something.

i know it can be any other bag or pouch or purse right? but its the concept of always having a pouch with you, separate from your everyday cash that you bring to work or for your groceries, a special bag to remind yourself to always fill it up and always have spare change to be able to donate to the next person who is selling tissues or the next blind uncle singing a great song. i personally have always liked having that chance to donate to whoever i see, but sometimes i dont always have enough cash. and i believe we should always be prepared because there is someone out there who probably need that dollar more. i always put aside some coins (i have a separate piggy bank that i put in any coins leftover for the purpose of one day, i could give it away)

this could also promote charity, i hope, probably a good way to teach children the value of money. or even for us adults to be reminded the significance of donating or the word we always love to use nowadays, infaq or simply ‘derma’ in the malay.

oh gosh, in my mind, i could see those pouches and coin bags, with nice designs such as Charity, sharing is caring, or simply giving and then a nice tag to it to reiterate the concept and purpose of the pouch or bag. i could sew it first maybe? get some nice fabrics and patterns, sew it and sell it? it.could grow into a social enterprise? i could probably commit a portion of the sales for a charity project.

ooh im beginning to love the idea. now. how to materialise it? how do i go about it?

colorless tsukuru tazaki

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Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of PilgrimageColorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage by Haruki Murakami
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

very haruki to leave us in the dark of whether sara accepted tazaki or otherwise. i am devastated by that fact that i have no answer to the ending when i was looking forward to it so much.

it was about tsukuru tazaki, colourless only because his name does not have ‘colours’ in him, whereby, in high school he was part of a close knit group of five friends. however, he was struck off from this group with just one phonecall and with no explanation whatsoever. hurt and depressed, tsukuru thought of death at the same time, living his life monotonously, albeit successfully achieving his dream of working at train stations. Years of pilgrimage probably refers to his 16 years of enduring this hurt. When he met Sara, on the verge of going deeper into the relationship, she suggested on finding his friends and requested tsukuru to find out what really happened between him and his friends.

he took up her suggestion and returned back to his hometown, meeting with two of his guy friends, taking a ‘virgin’ trip to finland to meet with one of the girl friends. unfortunately the fourth member of the group passed away many years ago and the story now diverge to revolve around the fourth member. tsukuru probably understood only half the reason of why they ditched him because eventually, the dead holds the answer. the good thing about his meetings then was to finally understand it is not entirely his fault that he was left out. perhaps that brings to him a new positive realisation to face his own demons.

however, somehow i am able to relate to tazaki a lot more. i understood perfectly how he felt of being ‘rejected’ by a group of close friends. of the pain he went through to kind of understand what really happened and how he felt he is the victim. and then toughened up to be independent of friends and relationships.

i could never imagined that the book is actually about friendships, lost and found, of finding questions unanswered, of loneliness, of forgiveness when not given and in search of an understanding when wronged.

View all my reviews

of course i was able to relate to tsukuru. i understood very well about being left out without any particular reason just like that. i so understood that. i also understood the journey of emotions he had just to digest what actually happened and finally became immune to it and learn to live with it but perhaps became a deep-rooted feeling he had to finally face up straight in order to come clean.

i also understood the ‘need’ to reconnect with friends when in your thirties. because now that i am in my thirties, i felt i should find back some of my friends i’ve lost and what do i know, i managed to, this year especially. i was able to reconcile with two friends i missed so much. and i am so happy and actually surprised that i did. i am never going to let them go. although the story also told of no matter how close you were once, there exist a spot of awkwardness when you meet your friends again for the first time after years of disconnect.

i also understood the feeling of loss and loneliness. of being alone in a crowd.

and i finally realise haruki’s style of writing. he will always have philosophy thrown in and some cool classics piece that his characters are obsessed with (and in turn makes me want to listen to these pieces) and there is a tendency of his characters having to deal with emotions and intuition and some spiritual, in the midst of straightforward human nature and responses.

i guess that’s what makes me enjoy reading his books, regardless of poor ratings.

too much company

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i didn’t realise that september will be such a socialitas month for me.

5-8 Sept
KL trip with colleagues

9 Sept
Armoured Petals as special guests at PV. not yet fully rested from the KL trip but somehow i was energised by the thought of them finally coming down. i actually cooked lunch, although may not be the most sumptuous spread, but it felt nice to cook for guests. perhaps more practice will turn me into a domestic goddess, haha.
never had a passion for cooking but can start some time.

(having your own kitchen, kind of bring the womanly instinct to cook in me)

11 Sept
and yes, just two days after that, i receive the Babes for dinner. what is more special, to me, is the presence of one friend though. Amallia. whom i have not met for, maybe, 10 years? i am so so glad that she finally wants to join us.

(i am lucky this year, that two schoolmates i have missed so much and i remember perfectly i tweeted about them that i hoped to meet them one day, and what do i know, i am finally reunited with them.)

12 Sept
a teachers’ day gathering at the function room. a small meaningful lunch with the grace of both the chairman and vice chairman. already slept so late because the dinner with the Babes was till about 11pm coz we were also excited about the general elections going on. by the time i cleaned up it was about 1am.
woke up for Subuh and stayed all the way coz i still had some more gifts to wrap. and setting up the function room. i am forever grateful that husband was always willing to help me.

by Sunday, i just want to coop up and spend some quiet time with my husband.

well. it takes a lot for an introvert like me to really be all out to receive guests and serve. a lot. nevertheless, i have to say i pretty enjoyed it and i like having people around. it really is a housewarming. just need a bit more practice in entertaining people.
dread the cleaning up though, but it still brings satisfaction to know that this is my home and i am doing all this in the comfort of my own home.

❤

the taste of ink

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IMG_8473 i love blogging. no doubt about it. nowadays though, i find writing makes more impact. and i mean, physically manually writing with pen and paper.

i am back to writing journals. i feel its a legacy almost. i also just realised, without me consciously doing it, i have journals for different specific purpose. travel journal, cooking/recipes notebook, and just recently, the desire to write about my life my family. even though if my life is not even half as exciting as other people could be, every family has their own story and i feel someone should write it down.

and what do i know, my father requested that i checked the store and eventually found a whole big box of stuffs from my past, and yes, including some diaries from my teenage years. i thought i threw away those books already?! took one out and laughed my heart out reading what i wrote back in 1997.

and then i picked up Ruth Ozeki’s A Tale for The Time Being for this long weekend read. coincidentally, it also revolves about writing and diaries and journals. on a side note, i am loving this book to the core. maybe i have a thing about japanese authors.

i think writing thoughts and words down may make me more creative. i used to love writing stories and poems back them in my school exercise books. i have no idea where those ideas come from but i did. and i enjoyed writing them.

yes, i am excited to write again.

house warmth

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finally felt and understood what it means to have housewarming. love the atmosphere. love the smiles on family members when meeting each other. it had been somewhat a dream to gather both my families and hubby’s family because i think since we got married, we haven’t had a chance to let my uncles and aunts met his. especially when my paternal family and his were from the same kampung. and my maternal family have never met his family. it is a dream come true. alhamdulillah.

love the chatters and laughters, love that children are running around and having their own fun times, love the colours. i feel like, in all my introverts, i don’t mind having more gatherings if it means family bond and happiness.

i am feeling blessed and touched that we could do this. happy to see guests had their meals, and perhaps, let families meet when there were once silence. i mean, every family has their story and none of us are perfect. my family is far from perfect.

and the house truly felt like home. and heart is where the home is, i am missing my home already. ❤

first staycation

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our very first staycation! in Parc Vera hehe. it does have that nice holidaying feel to it, even the room has the coolness of a hotel. it was after all our very first night here at Parc Vera. i love it. i really like it here.

there is a system to it. somehow. the small kitchen, the backyard with the utilities toilet, that’s where the laundry and the cleaning stuffs are.  the main balcony to which, whenever i opened up the glass sliding doors, i could hear the madmade waterfall by the swimming pool and that we are surrounded by lush green plants. the living room to relax and watch tv. the dining area where we actually sit at for a proper meal. (we always have our meals in our room back at Central and I don’t really like that). I love sitting together at the dining table for our meals, I guess we are taught that way since young. i love that.

this pretty pretty room for whatever i feel like doing…reading, blogging, writing, praying. to each its own place. and oh, finally, i could wake up late at night to go to the toilet without having to go alllll the waaaay to the kitchen because we are finally sleeping in a master bedroom like all couples do. haha. jakun. i finally have a proper writing desk, a room i can call my own secret corner…ok.. not so secret but where all my favourite things are kept..my books of course. i guess my husband really do loves me for allowing me wholeheartedly, unconditionally giving me a room just for my books. the only thing i willingly compromised was i didnt want any interior designing renovation taking place in this room. we kept it simple with three whole shelves and this nice wooden writing desk. i am so inspired just sitting in this room. i am slowly bringing in the books, which will take several trips because one large toyogo box filled with books took all our strengths to move them. and soon my craft stuffs and the sewing machine.

Alhamdulillah ‘ala hazihin ni’mah. its almost like a private retreat from everyday life. i think i could probably get back to work next week feeling restored and refreshed. and ready for Ramadan. i love it here. i really do.

embrace, me

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a proper blog this time. after a few simple book reviews and a poem at that. who would have thought. in the middle of the night, i was disturbed by a comment and i came up with a whole poem.

you know how you think you know yourself and anything that is related to your likes and dislikes and perhaps learnt of or heard of something but it sort of takes a while, a long while sometimes, to finally ‘digest’ that information or a word becomes more meaningful in a eureka moment?

well i have been having some these days. realisations and a sudden embrace of an idea, a surprisingly wholesome feeling in my heart and my mind. perhaps, my unconscious mind is awaken more these days. whats with that ‘powerful’ swings of my pendulum, when it used to be only politely telling a yes or a no. i guess it is. practice do makes perfect.

anyway.

bibliophile. i know. its a word i should have read and heard of before. and i did. but only now i feel like i can actually relate to this word. that it suddenly brings a new meaning to me. to describing me. an amateur but you have to start somewhere. my only regret. my twins at st clare’s hardback collection, which my parents bought for me during my enid blyton days, which somehow was either given away or thrown away, well, i found out it costs more than USD100 for the whole set and it can go more if bought as a whole. i suddenly realise books are valuable and their value do increase. i could have been an owner of a ‘priceless’ sets of books. not that i would ever sell them away.

i bought a new paperback sets of my beloved storybooks, and it doesnt feel the same. it doesnt. and i will continue to search for a publication suitable to the beautiful memories i had from reading them and that childhood simple satisfaction from reading. beautiful.

librarian. have i said it before i loved being a librarian once and it will forever be my favourite job? i think i have said them many times before. i guess i have not grew out of it. that idea still lingers. and i will not be surprised if one day i would just take off and find a librarian job. retirement plan at least, for now. i think libraries will stay strong despite the digital world overcoming the printed world. it will last for as long as it could. because there are still millions of booklovers out there.

comparative religion. my first love and always will. 7 years on after reading it in my alma mater, i still find joy reading about religions, finding out new information or relieving them. but also meaning that it is not about learning other religions, it is also deepening my knowledge about my own religion. i mean i knew about this, but its just a hovering in my mind, but now, it means: action. it means there are so many things about my religion that i want to share with others. late bloomer, as always, Seri.

maybe being 30 means finding something deeper within oneself. understanding and awakening who we really are.

i am ready to embrace, me.

first love

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I was just thinking about changing my blog layout and perhaps change the header picture, to say, the recent travel to santorini. but then i realize, your first love will always stick with you, will always be the best love. and i will always love my trip to NZ. always. its been four years now and i still yearn for it.
so i decided, for now, NZ header picture will stay.

i truly have to count my blessings, because, i think i have had it easy. truly.

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

I have been given the opportunity to travel and see the world, like dreams come true, and safely at that.

May this marriage is blessed, as much as God has blessed us thus far. we are not perfect, but we will strive to be perfect. I love you hubby dearest.

1

the pic is taken from FB.

be present

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i think nlp is helping me here again. for the past few days, i had to commit to family and social meet ups. its not that i dislike having them, it’s just that my introvert-ness sometimes rule more than the need to be involved in the gatherings. and i thought i would make a change. it is also an opportunity to practice some red thinking profile, as emergenetics has proven that i scored badly in this.

little did i know that reframing the mind is all that it needs for this self to come out of its shell and overcome shyness. yes, even with the family i need some coaxing because i just totally go lazy or ‘shut down’ if i need to go out have dinner outside. i know, chronic illness ah this shyness and homely attitude sometimes.:P

i just tell my brain – the unconscious mind 😉 ‘i need to be present.’ keyword. tops. just that. with a little bit of goal setting, i tell myself that i need to be present, i need to focus on my family/friends for today/now. it really helps.

when usually i would seem bored and quiet, i was able to strike up conversations and be involved in their conversations as well. i’m surprised at myself. just today, i had dinner with a group of friends which sometimes i find difficulty getting into, if you know what i mean, but today, i think i did better than usual. i am more my self. we talked we joked we laughed. i finally could truly enjoy a social meeting.

so its been days of birthday lunch and dinners. glad i spend dinner with some friends for May birthdays!

although by now, i am exhausted. it takes a lot to be present but no regrets. it is important to spend some time for friends. speaking of which there are other groups of friends which i have yet to spend time with, erk.. and i look forward to a restorative niche with my husband for this two days i am fortunate of having.

now, i need to be present for my husband.

ottoman may