misery.loves.its.company

When times are hard and lonely

seri in wonderland

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i’m so mesmerized by the colours of the movie that i fail to see the lessons on philosophy in alice in wonderland.

but at the moment, all i can think of is dreamland, work has been very hectic (has there been a time when i complain work is NOT hectic?) heart body mind and soul hectic.

and i wanted to blog about so many things but after reading my close friends’ blogs and seeing how so many people are so much in love that i cant help but feel blessed that me too have someone to love. 😉

so, it seems like the acronym of the moment: ILY. so i want to say it too.

to you and only you. ILY.
😀

work wise

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first it was living life. with the hopes it can bring a smile and some sort of motivation. yes it did bring a smile.

now it’s just…i’m NOT in a good mood, a huge headache residing….terribly a mess. i hated these peak seasons.

period.

let’s get these things done and over with. please. i’ve had it.

and i don’t enjoy gilbert’s as much as i thought i would.

and the talk i went to on friday was depressing. will relate on that later.

hope for the misery

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i do not want to lament about work. because as much as i am so stressed out with work, there are other people out there who are have much more responsibilities, more time spent at work, more rushing for reports and whatever, so much more than i could ever have. it’s not just me who are working, but probably billions of people out there, who are facing the same busy mode as me.

but i have to say, these days, i’ve been putting up a calm face, smile and listen to whatever has been discussed meetings after meetings with utter concentration and focus, when in reality, i’m just fighting tears and headaches. i think i have never been this stressed out about work. my work is already chaotic, add up to being one staff down and me taking over for until the new kid comes in, like double work already!!!! no, triple work!!! it’s too much la seh~

and still i have to move on. i mean, no point whining or complaining right? i’ve always been that, Take it all in, and just do it. to h*** whatever happen.

because only i can do it. (that’s another thing, people seems to think i can do it, when sometimes i wonder what if i actually can’t?)

time and heart

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one week of ramadhan has passed and suddenly it’s all going to pass in a short while. and the challenges has been more difficult the first week. mostly with time. rushing to finish reports, rushing to do this and that, pressures from so many sides. although there are times my brain feels numbed to all work.


been somewhat exhausted with everything that is going around, sometimes i woke up with a huge headache instead of a well rested sleep. biological clock is truly truly tested this month.
still, it has been a good start. it might be one of the perks of working at a mosque. alhamdulillah.

it’s a serene joy to have the opportunity to help the volunteers preparing the meals for iftar, and day after day, the prayer hall is filled all four floors with jemaah every night. the tiredness is forgotten for a while. serving the Creator while serving the servants, insya Allah.

and my teens joined a value added programme which, at the same time, joining the camp the youth wing organized. barulah nampak ramai..but it was all in good cause, since there’s a well-known company who are conducting some teens activities, pretty much related to the theme we are doing for this term which was on relationships and sexuality. only one setback was my misunderstanding of one activity. initially thought their wonderwalk is just around the mosque, it turned out to be an amazing race around Sengkang!! kesian my teens as surprised as their trainer about this but they have been super sporting!! and joined in all the same. my heart goes to them, although the whole time they were out, i was restless and kept praying they are all ok.

they reached the mosque at around 5.30pm, and i couldn’t properly congrats them, because we were on to the next mosque programme with LPM and all. hopefully they got to have some good rest. i realized i’m caring for them just as i cared my two not-so-little siblings. 🙂 trusting them but not willing to fully let go.

but anyway, all went well…and another week to go through…

it doesnt help that you are super busy too…i miss you.

de-stress

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in need of some ‘enlightenment’, i’ve come up with a way how not to feel so stressed with my work.

– always tell yourself you LOVE YOUR JOB. you can do this either by writing it down many times. or simply say it to the mind. i did it many times now and it did help…in a way that you somehow feel like your mind loosen the tight knots of your brain.

– recall back why you are doing this job in the first place…in my case, it’s because i like doing this..it’s supposed to be exciting and so many angles of education to explore and the job really suits me. like karmic compatibility.

– have colleagues who give out positive vibes.

– smile and smile and smile.

– and look forward to a weekend.

– watch hindustan epic movies, comedies (sometimes, lawak2 bodoh cerita melayu helps), cartoons

– if all else fails, indulge and lost yourself in a fictional or a fantastical novel.

– better still, sleep.

but for now, no sleep yet…there’s a stack of profiles i have to look through!

one happy thing: i’m doing my work on my new blue notebook! a gift from dear and that’s a comfort in itself~

crossed parallel

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how can you know when it’s your time? somehow a loss of life affected me much that till this night, i still think about it, and the deceased still pictured quite clearly in mind, despite not having known her enough.

is it because i had been too happy that the news came as a shock…utter suddenness, a reminder that happiness is HIS and can always be taken back.
is it because of the realisation that i couldn’t get to know her as a family.
is it because i keep remembering to the day when she had been the one who handed me his gift to me.
i feel happy waiting for the day but i cant help thinking she wont be there. and why should i be rejoicing?

it hurts to know they are pained by this loss. and me, my family, we are deeply saddened by it.
although life has to move on. and pray Lord will help us all.

but you know what, i can never stop thinking that my most loved family members are not here to see me, see us. they have been gone for so many years but we can never forget them and will always miss them. i still remember those innocent years when i thought they will live for as long as i am but had them taken away. never stop remembering. it’s the only comfort.

and right now it’s crossed emotions running parallel. because it’s all happiness and grief at the same time. it pained me to see and hear him in sadness, but this pain i cannot control.

(and i can’t sleep for thinking about the orientation in a few hours’ time and the load of things to be done…work in non-ender do they?!)
and a meet up with two of my petals is great to relive those memories. thank you babes and i’m so going to get used to being driven back home by qzaimah!! hehe.

please pray everything went well, what’s with the first week of classes and THE day and whatnots.

i.m.y

plainly not responsive

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i have lost that energy and enthusiasm of working at home. there is NO WAY i can concentrate and start to do some small work. berangan je nak buat kerja kat rumah, but once i stepped home, i forgot what it was i was contemplating to do on the journey home….open up my laptop and i go merayap at other websites, mainly speaking Facebook…entah apa2 aje yang ada kat facebook, hehe 🙂

and i’ll try to build up the interest by looking at my docs and it just goes blur.
it’s interesting how your mind and body works. when you’re at your office, your mind is like an avalanche of ideas and your body automatically sets itself to work (and i cannot grasp it when some people say they are bored at work, but each people to his/her own). but once you’re at home, it’s a totally different story. nothing works. and to think i used to work from home some time ago!!but funnily, these days, i go housechores mode :/

this cannot go on. i love my job and i have so many things to accomplish. please keep me motivated.

(side track: every time i watch a local drama, mesti ada aje adegan-adegan tak penting dan yang tak masuk akal, dan menyakitkan hati. *sigh* it just have to be, is it?!)

oklah, i intended to complete some work. but looks like i wont be doing any work AT ALL. so let’t not waste electric energy and torture any readers to boredom.

when seri has nothing better to do

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this is what i do
scour people’s notes at facebook
and see if there’s anything interesting enough to try! haha!

My Debut Album
1 – Open http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.
(alternatively, if the first article you hit is short, hit Random Article two more times.)—->Motivation

2 – Open http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.—->Follies and Misfortunes of Mankind

3 – Open http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover. —->Only God can Judge me

4 – Use photoshop/paint or similar to put it all together.

5 – Post it to FB with “My Debut Album” in the “caption” and TAG the friends you want to join in.

Do I have a lot of time on my hands or what?
……..
and my first indie album will be…..

but it’s kind cool, coz although it’s at random, it somehow kena la. ;P

view on me

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Just thought it’s interesting to do this survey thing from mary’s note at facebook.
somehow, there are some things which pretty much describe me~~~

Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They’ll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that’s why you’ll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don’t focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

2 am in the morning

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i want to do this before it’s 2 am in the morning. after so long sleeping in early, i’ve no idea why tonight i’m burning the midnight oil…hmm…so called heh.

for one thing, i’m reviving this multiply site which used to be dedicated to my teens students from a central north mosque….but i’m thinking why not make it a place or rather a space where i can dedicate my thoughts and reflections, in terms of this line i’ve chosen…of course…this blog will not be abandoned..and pretty soon, my posts will get redundant between here and there…but at least, there at the multiply site will not get mixed up with my everyday life :))

and tell me now…that setting up a place for education is EASY!! especially when the building’s already there and you have to make do with what’s given and no matter how small a room, you’ve got to utilise it because there is no other way and stretch whatever resources you might have.

to be honest, it’s scary. and exciting. and i keep thinking i cannot do any mistake this time…although making mistakes are good. it teaches you…me. and that’s what learning is all about right?
and sometimes little gestures is what makes me stand strong and reminded me that….THIS IS IT. i’m doing this. for instance,how can a teacher not be truly touched when her students bought her hot tea in the middle of a heavy rain and cold classroom? it’s the most touching and sweet gesture of them.

i so need to do this right. and there’s so many things to learn….and can i just get away from the chaos for a little while??

oklah, i admit it’s pretty exciting you know, starting from scratch and making decisions and doing things my own way haha!

but let’s put it this way…after like letting the kite fly so high, it needs to be tugged and pulled a little bit behind to set its flight back on track. so i need that now.

ps: can anyone from the americas vote adam lambert (american idol) for me? after all those seasons, now i know why some people are into this competition…especially when you have ‘set’ your heart on one of them, you just want to like support them all the way~ (ok ok not important)

so yeah, it’s 2 am. i really should be sleeping or else…i won’t get anything done tomorrow.
:))

pps: if you guys happen to have segoe script font installed, you should be able to read this blog in that font…and it’s nice!! i like~