i just finished reading the book The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls and i loved it. it gives a very different non-stereotypical portrayal of a family who have very educated and talented parents (stereotypically it would be big house, academics career, and glossy looking smart children)who chose to go against the norm and live like wanderers, adventurous and vagabond, moving from one place to another.

really, i can’t stop reading it, and at almost every page, i would be expressing “what??!!” “seriously??” “what kind of a parent is this??” “what the toots?” and “WOW!” but it has nothing to do with violence or psychological disorder, or “My name is Dave”-like stories. it’s just that the Walls parents (yes its based on real life story) have a different way of teaching their four children, imparting values from a different angle. for example, letting insects and pests practically breed in their rickety house because you don’t have the right to kill or destroy other living beings. despite the noble values the parents taught them, and the education they gave from home (the Walls children are geniuses) it’s the standard of living which is almost ridiculous. the children eating from leftovers or surviving on margarine or corn for whole days on end, being on a hunger strike because their father is away looking for gold and mother unable to keep a teaching job because of her eccentric nature of teaching.

but i envy the children much because of their independence and smartness, up to the point that they tried ways and took up menial jobs(paper runs, babysitting! when they themselves need babysitting! collecting tins and bottles) from the age of as young as five just to get a morsel of food. and the thing is they don’t rebel and indulge in gangsterism/drinking/drugs/friends’ bad influence. they just don’t. and that’s what amazes me. of course, being children, and eventually teens, they build their own perspectives on things, but they didn’t blame their parents. they very much love their parents still and instead, in whatever it is they were doing, their agenda would be to make less burden for their parents. and yes the parents had their own flaws.

because, if it’s in some community, oklah, my community. it would be a totally different story right? give the same scenario and you get different reactions. of course, i’m not generalising, but in most cases.

just this week, we got a whole list of thumbnail pics on BH of youths involved in physical conflict. and for what?
TheTasteofInk
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i’m writing this just so to get my mind working, because something else has been bugging me and suddenly i’m starting to think of what’s going to happen to me in the future. honestly, i was never a long term planner and i have been in the comfort zone of being single and free for a long time with having my siblings and girlfriends and acquaintances as meaningful company. i know my age is already a quarter of a hundred years, and even after seeing friend after friend after friend got married, i was never ready for this.

what if all these have to change? what if suddenly i have to start thinking about a significant person? what if suddenly i have to start planning for a marriage? it’s just that, at this moment, it’s totally beyond me. there’s A LOT of things i needed to do and achieve and having a significant partner was never part of the picture. my future was always a picture of career, and travels and books. yes, books. it was never a wife or a mother. although thrown in the rare images of a faceless significant other.

still, being an imperfect person, those tendencies to be loved and wanted is inevitable, i envy my friends who’s married, found their soulmate/ partner, who’s had years of loyal relationships, engaged and so on so forth, of course i dreamt of having those (put in Affa as the imaginary boyfriend, haha!) but i never expected those to come true. not yet.

truthfully, i’m just not ready. despite the age, despite the need. i’m not ready for change.

i’m not ready for a glass castle of my own. but i have to start from somewhere, right? maybe THIS could be IT.