When we do something impromptu
Its time to rearrange.
Rearrange my stuffs
Rearrange my family and social needs
Rearrange my workspace
Rearrange my time
Rearrange my priorities
Rearrange my self, inner self
Rearrange to make time to find myself
You know its always a journey. I havent been any better than yesterday and i havent…well..i dont think i did anything beyond.
Having realised all these, i believe i need to start moving and planning to make life more fulfilling.
Giving myself another year.
Eid Mubarak Kullu Am Wa Antum Bikhair
This year’s Eidul Fitri comes early and it feels fast. you’re fasting today and its eid already. I pray that my fasting and ibadah is accepted by the Lord. we are so consumed by our daily routine it feels like freedom when for once you detach a bit from worldly demands to rightfully ‘demands’ of your soul.
if i may say, it’s actually a bit more relaxing environment at work compared to last year. i only stayed for iftar whenever i can and no one pressured me if i dont come, every wednesday the majority stayed over to help a little, when by right, the volunteers are doing everything which is good, hehe. and our zakat duties are lesser now with most of the staffs are ‘certified’ zakat amils so our schedule are more stretched out. i remember last year, my night duties will be like once every three nights!
and im most happy when both me and hubby got to go to the mosque for terawih and he loved to listen to the imam hafizin reciting the qur’an, heh that one no doubt everyone loves the hafizin. i heard they had a whole bag of gifts from our volunteers and even random jemaah. and i think it helps attract the crowd in, this ramadhan was beautiful because our terawih safs stayed full till the end and our qiyam had more congregation than last year. to the extend that meal for sahur was not enough for all and our volunteers had to rush to buy packed food from 24 hours coffeeshops. masya Allah.
pray that it will be the same next year, if not, better.
anyway. EId was beautiful but different.
im celebrating this eid as a wife. and without a mother in law. mixed feelings la.
oh husband and me managed to visit the graves of the faithful departed and with as much strength as he can possibly muster, clear his late father’s grave. with all the growing leaves and i dont know he had to pull out roots and all. but it feels good to be able to do that. and prayers yes. also i get to visit my own grandparents’ and i cant help but broke down at grandma’s. the tears just flows i cant help it. always, when visiting her. i miss her terribly.
i managed to bake one simplest honey cornflakes on the eve of Eid, a brief shopping for carpets and preparing/cooking for the morning after. it was fulfilling coz we are on our own, the 3 of us: hubby, sis-in-law and myself. definitely tiring ok!
our fast-game soto ayam was delicious!
except, it was quiet. say after everything is done, i was still doing my last rounds of honey cornflakes while watching the shows on tv specially for eve of eid and its so profoundly quiet. back home, it could be still quite noisy with last minute cleaning up at home, dad and mom probably screaming at us telling us to do this and that, the kitchen will be ‘action packed’ and we’ll be joking around.
visited my family first thing after solat eid, a teary hour and mom’s sambal goreng! 🙂
we had yati family and her mother in law (from switzerland) and i guess it adds on to the serenity of eid having her. you know it’s always nice having a mother figure in times like this…
a pic or two..eidul fitri from us all..
psstt…Lombok here we come!!
as a 5 months anniversary gift, an iPhone from abang dearest!! such a beauty. 🙂
thank you abang dearest and i love you much.
yesterday was a very challenging day at work. three teachers down with me almost having a nervous breakdown having to search for replacements. which is d%^# not easy! i hope and i sincerely beg these teachers to not please not work on a saturday! saturday is a very crucial and i mean crucial day of all the days!! please la~ but anyway, Lord has given me strength to move on. i had the ydo came back from his off in lieu to take over one morning class. i had one of our youth members to take two classes-two sessions, and alhamdulillah, some of our youth members were madrasah students and i am so so grateful to them, another one cover one teens class and i took another teens class which supposedly the ‘difficult’ class. i still got burnt the whole day because for every relief i have, i have to explain to them the lesson before they can take over. i dont think i have ever remembered so many of teens’ lessons as much as yesterday!
and i had to deal with the transport person for some messed up issues. how many things can happen within 8 hours of work?
i think i slept like a log last night. body aching everywhere. and my righthand wrist is hurt, what’s the cause i cant remember but for the whole of last night and this morning, i cant bear even holding anything. it’s feeling better now but hurts if i turn it at a certain angle. hopefully it’s just a normal strain.
another week to go through after the short break and i pray for better things.
two weeks after 2011 and i dont feel like there’s anything new…except more work..haha!
after so called declaring in one of my tweets that my work seems interesting and that although saturday is the busiest, it is, the most fulfilling. in a sudden realisation, it gives a new perspective and a positive energy to do it all. and i must say, it looks exciting this year. starting with teachers who liked to make a disappearing acts!!
well, maybe it’s shortlived, but while i’m at it, let’s keep the momentum.
as at the moment, i refuse to do any work on a sunday and that abang has kept me ‘locked’ up 🙂 cant blame him when we spent our saturdays apart. while single, i dont really think about it, but after marriage, it made me feel guilty sometimes, thinking him alone at home. but work on saturdays are move move move non stopping. sometimes i feel my whole 4 days week is just to prepare myself on saturdays.
marriage life is the only sanity i have right now. have someone to listen to my ramblings and nonsense. accept my flaws and loving all of me. it’s close to 4 months and i’m grateful to have you in my life.
also heads up for my little brother khidir and little sister nuri for getting good grades in their N and O levels respectively. will always be proud of them.
miss my family.
alhamdulillah we meet 2011 and i have a lot of reflections to do. many things to be grateful for and i am well into the new phase of life. insya Allah!
so it’s not going to be about resolutions but i know there’s a few things which i want to accomplish, or rather i hope to, in 2011 since i didnt get to do them properly in 2010.
less stress at work i hope. or i’m giving myself 1 year. whichever is not mental and physical health hazard. i love what i’m doing but it’s the people which are dragging me down.
like updating my blog regularly for instance! and tweeting! although i planned to blog and tweet something more intellectual lah, rather than my daily lament of work and whatnots. like quotes from my fave books ke. i miss my self and i want to live it with the additional of being Mrs Suhaimi! :)) what more can a person want.
more confidence. read more ilmi books with the occasional great novels. go for talks and seminars becoz i tend to miss those with the alasan of work. be out there to gain experience and of course in my line of work, i need to be more aggressive, i guess, oh not, the word is assertive.
and i miss being rajin lah. since living in a house with a very efficient helper, i miss doing the things i used to do and i have been slacking like what! a little sweep in my room and that’s it. but see lah what we can do around home ok, haha. i like it that i dont have to do anything, but sometimes i kind of feel guilty.
and everyone wants to be happy. so i pray for happines for all the people close to me.
i love abang. i love ratu romo. i love lifi siti nuri edid.
and i guess i have to catch up with my frens. regardless from where they are. but i think its going to be hard to like go out always with frens because i can go out on weekdays, but i cant stay too late like i can when i was single. and then on saturday i’ll be slogging at work whole day and afterwards, hubby will claim me. and sundays for family or i will need the rest. but nevertheless! i want to spend some time with my girlfrens. insya Allah. inikan ukhuwwah ;))
i pray for everything good. 2011.
its that time of the year when i would feel more stressed than ever. i really am. abang is already sleeping soundly but i cant bring myself to sleep despite feeling exhausted. my mind has this buzzing train passing through which doesnt seem to stop. i was watching lara croft on channel 5 with the hope for r and r but her ultra confidence is stabbing me because at this point i dont seem to have one.
i was browsing through facebook and saw acquaintances’ pics of their holidays and that made me happy for a short while coz it reminded me of our nz amazing trip and then stumbled upon some facebook pages of people’s online ’boutique’ with their shawls, and blouses, and long dresses, maxi dresses and whatnots but i dont even have the excitement of looking through them because even with an extra month’s pay, i suddenly lost the mood to spend it.
and i was hungry but i dont feel like eating.
that’s how bad and low i’m feeling at this point. although i know i should be counting my blessings now.
i’m stuck with doing a task which i honestly dont have the time to do, although i would rather do it than handling some of the stuffs i’m supposed to do at work.
i have uniforms to worry about. i have teachers to worry about because i dont have enough up till now. and i was dropped an unfortunate news that the transport vendor wouldnt take up students on weekdays and few parents called asking about it. and one even go all the way wanting us to refund everything because of this transport issue. parents jangan melenting boleh tak??!! im feeling shitty already without you having to add up to the mess. i cant please everyone for God’s sake. i really dont understand parents nowadays. always expecting things to go their way and when its not they go all hurricane.
and for the umpteenth record, i might as well work without a ydo. like seriously. ive been covering for the ydo, i keep reminding and asking the ydo to do tonnes of things not done and the youth seem to be able to fend for themselves for that matter.
i’ve had big dreams and its not achieveable with ydo acting like this, and well, teachers need their holidays. but i think ive been waaayy too good.
and oh yes, why have i been seeing my students so called declaring love in their fb statuses? have they learnt nothing???!! next year its all going to be old fashioned. i’m telling you kids you’re going to get it from me!! before someone pulls me away and say ‘it’s all just a phase, we have to understand them bla bla bla’.
one week away to strategise.
i’ve cut my hair short, i could very well go bald soon.
but Lord, i’m grateful to You for giving me a job, at a place that i can practice my religion without boundaries and i love the fact that it’s about education. but i feel my strength is draining low by the day and i need to pull through because a new academic year is starting and Lord knows what it has in store for me. it’s always a scary thought.
oh yes, i’m having my menses now so probably why i’m feeling down. alasan.
i need a miracle.
so help me Lord.
good night world.
Ok so the previous post wasnt meant to sound like poetry..i wanted to blog but somehow it came out in proses.
but reality check, i am LEFT WITH 3 MORE WEEKS before signed sealed delivered as a wife to my man. waahh, even the sound of ‘my man’ gives me the tingles and the blushes. ok no one saw that blush.
i am nervous and definitely rushing for time, because of course there is work to complete before my well deserved break. hand over of certain work and pretty much almost settled. i dont want to leave all the heavy ones, that has to wait till i am back.
and now i have to think of how i’m going to pack my clothes and books (ok not all of my books) for the move. i’m really kind of stuck having to choose what to bring so as not to clutter his room with my stuff. and the only time we have are weekends! and my time is rather limited, what’s with working whole day and by the time i came home from either terawih or zakat duty, i’ll be exahusted and need the rest for the next day. and then i’m thinking of making some simple cookies. but really i’m so rushing for time.
I hope i can do everything. and now would be the time to set some financial priorities and set the day that i can accomplish things.
i am truly and really grateful for this chinese new year break. do you know how much i desperately need this break? to be away from work physically and just recuperate. having some proper family time and not having to worry about work.
a good break alhamdulillah, and now on to the other quest that i’ve set my mind on, which hasnt been going on really well. it’s difficult, really. it’s like being trapped in this cocoon and struggling very hard to free yourself from that grip of invisible hands. but i must free myself. and it’s all in the heart and soul. it’s difficult.
i watched percy jackson twice. and not because i love the movie, but one time with dearest one and the second time with dearest ones. but percy doesn’t give me any more excitement than my renewed interest in greek mythology with all its chaos and family feuds, and i mean it, family feuds and all its complicated cosmology. i was truly fascinated with greek myths as soon as i can read by myself and it was the reason i loved fantasy and myths. and yes roman and greek myths are different although inter-influential between the two. looking forward to clash of the titans for something more concrete and real.
valentine’s day the movie was nicer. it shows how much things can happen in twenty four hours and it revolves around love and loving and being loved in all its goodness and bad.
and if i’ve walked 10km or so sometime ago, yesterday, i got to cycle double the distance to and fro (home to upper/lower pierce) and i love it! the thought that i can go almost anywhere in this island and distance become less an obstacle. all the cycling took us only about two hours! it does help ‘clear’ my mind and let out some sweat, which is a rare thing to me:) i love the scenery of trees and reservoir, and the fresh air and i’m still a little scared of the little monkey who stole our famous amos(!) 🙂
i wish this break is longer…even after two day extension of this break. i need more!! hehehe.
but i am happy. and i think i’m refreshed and willing to start work with a new outlook. positivity and clear of doubts or stress.
alhamdulillah. haza min fadhli rabbi.
and i have a new toy! thanks to lil sis nuri i’m into scraps…the online version! from scrapblog.com. there, you have it, very first trial of online scrap. but don’t be fooled, the backgrounds and what not are templates, i just add in the words and bits and pieces.
although i’m ready to create one from scatch!! :)) yey, now i have some form of online hobby!
living seri 