As it is
hmm no…WHAT NOT TO BUY…list 🙂
for the next six months at least.
so should be enough for some savings and my knowledge/skills bank.
it is very rare of me to be blogging two times in a day. it has always been in a frequency of once a month. haha. and although i am supposed to do some work, but holding on to the principle of it is my off day, i am alone since my husband is working, i deserve this me time while i can.
i have the sudden inclination of writing down, i mean blog about…the changes i faced, about my self which i have learnt and grown to love more. im not saying i didnt love my self. i realised that i learnt a lot about my self these few years. i am a latebloomer that is for sure. i dont act adult-ish, if you know what i mean. just following through the ages. while i see many of my ‘cohorts’ married and have children, well, im happily and devotedly married just not a mother yet. oh well, maturity is one’s development at own pace. i finally realised i need to dress properly and smartly, a bit more effort in the dressing.
i have definitely learnt a few things in my twenties. for one thing, i have finally embraced that work is not everything. yes i would love to move on and probably earn more than i do now. you can never know but at this moment, i will focus on what i have to do as God has planned it.
home and  crafts
being a Cancer, i know i love home and everything that has got to do with home. i love pretty things, i love sewing, scrapbooking. and these are hobbies i want to improve my skills on and do as much as i can. i want to learn cooking and i have always wanted to learn breadmaking. but one thing at a time yea.
books
i love books and i know i have developed and recognized the genre of books and authors i love reading. memoirs, spiritual, inspirational, drama, and somehow i found myself reading Man Booker prize books, although many i havent read. still loving fantasy but rather choosy of the authors. i tried reading romance, chick lit, but i dont enjoy them as much as i do the rest. although Nora Roberts is one author i would look for if i have that sudden interest to read those genres. and i wanted to try reading other genres such as thriller or investigative novels, but apart from Dan Brown, i dont know of any other authors who i can grow to love. Â anyway, knowing what books i love is good so that i wont do impulsive buying when it comes to books.
what woman wants
in a way i have become a conscious buyer. well, a work in a progress still though because i still love shopping but i know what i like and what suits me. i stop impulsive purchases. online shopping…well i had many experience in online shopping. the ugly dresses that came not as promised, the ones which never came, the ones which is nice to look at but not for wear. i have definitely learnt that if i am not sure of wearing them, or i am not sure of the material, do not buy. especially shawls. many times i do not like the material of a shawl, or its as big as a table mat, sigh, enough of all that.
and clothes/dresses too. i love block colours and checkered designs but choosy with prints. definitely love earth colours: purple, turquoise, teal, darker shades of green, brown or bronze, dark blue, and darker shades of orange and red. i know people around me already understands my preference.
no make up. i gave up on that. basic stuff will do for me. i remember one nice lady’s advice, you dont have to wear everything, Â but a lipstick is all you need to give colour to your face. i dont know fashion but i took up the lady’s advice. i love m.a.c and revlon and sticking to those for now. i cant catch up with all the brands out there.
travelling has given me the love for handcrafted bags. i dont need many bags and i guess the bags out there are too expensive for me. i cant afford them. i have used and love my billabong tote bag which i bought in Bali many years ago. i still use it. many times i contemplated to buy them bags with some brands, after many thoughts, i ended up not buying. i have about 4 bags i regularly use, a timbuktu sling and denizen haversack for travels, a new look messenger bag, all them bought during sales. and yes the handcrafted bags i bought from my travels, which dont cost much. im grateful and happy with what i have.
sound effects and overdramatics
anything else, well music and movies. i love anything fantasy and tim burton. and i have loved mind boggling movies and anything leonardo dicaprio (sans titanic, i dont get that movie, never, not even for Leo). time travelling and mutants a must and some dramas too but not too romance. apparently i loved a walk to remember but slept through the rest of nicholas sparks’ movies.
indie rocks. verbatim. i have my faves and my hates. those bands i still listen too sometimes. used to remember those teen crazy times of BSB, Britney Spears, what’s that group with a Justin Timberlake? but BSB was IT lah eh. haha. but once after i turn 15 yrs old i made a 360 degrees round and my interest was into rock, alternative, whatever they call it lah those times. Â so many of those bands. I was an LPUnderground member ok! but nothing to be proud of. they are just songs i listen to while growing up. nowadays, a bit more mixed but stick to my ‘roots’.
my self
its true they say, experience matures a person. i developed some characters along the way. i like tidiness. although there have been many times the room or the workspace are just a mess, but i love the feeling of cleaning them up and that clear mind of knowing things are in place. i can work properly when all things are in place. i have learnt to show or tell what i feel or think when the need is there. if i dont like something, i will say it. i had been the one to be on the willing party or just let the other person have their way, but when you start working, you really have to say out your mind. people took advantage of my kindness. no more. nowadays, its my way style already. just hope i can manage that style and not be too demanding, but im not that kind of person lah. its a cancerian thing.
i have always been the neutral kind of person. and i guess that evolves into the way that i dont take sides anymore. i still believe on the good side of everyone, but i learnt to be critical and not take things at face value. it’s a skill i acquire because dealing with children and teens, i believe in the best of them, and for them to believe in themselves, i have to pave the way.
one valuable thing i have learnt so far, i think is, to go beyond the difficult people and their attitudes, and learn to accept them as it is, it enables me to see the goodness within them. learn to live with that or else, ignorance is bliss- Â still the best policy.
im naive and agreeing all the time, but nowadays, i have been a bit more critical and less agreeing to whatever people say but learnt to give a bit of opinion. i just need to have more facts though.
im rambling much. sorry to bore whoever is reading this. i thought it good to just take note of the changes so i may then move on and improve more.
motivation
despite all these, its going to be a spiritual year for me. i want to spend more time for the spiritual me. otherwise it will be the ghost of me. like a mantra now since the new year. WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING. i do not want to rush through my prayers anymore. i want to indulge in it. i used to pray as fast i can thinking of work. i am sick of it and ashamed of myself. my brain must learn to segregate itself. when praying, everything else on pause. please ok seri. Insya Allah.
no. please do not be shock by the title of my post. as you might have read somewhere in my older posts, my titles can be random at times. i was just playing Bullet for My Valentine’s album of the same name. i forgot how much i used to love those kinds of genre songs. oh the band wasnt the best of the lot. there were avenged sevenfold, breaking benjamin, atreyu, what else? havent been keeping up anyway. where are all these bands?? i dont know whether i influenced my siblings or they influenced me haha. i cant say i have been a good elder sister influencing them there but im quite surprised and a little weeny bit of pride at the choices of songs they listen to. quite a variety actually but not the mainstream. Anyway, yes, not a good elder sister influence there. i know i have many other goals which i want my siblings to do. well, this year is all about picking up the pieces.
seriously. my heart screams for all these aims i never got to do. but my babies are all grown up now and busy with their own things. i hope my proposal for a different work schedule this year is approved and i get to recover the mess i left. i like my fridays but they are schooling and my saturdays are spent on other people’s children. my sundays? well i returned to work every sunday last year and i do have my chores to complete.
anyway 2013. please be kind. i dont usually have resolutions but i guess the feeling for 2013 is a bit different. it’s like i am determined to be kind to myself. and what i meant is, my job is not everything. the job is difficult and cruel at times. even as of now, i have pending works and my brain is kinda reeling around those list of things to do. but i want to stop, pause, breathe and take comfort that tomorrow is another day, i can finish that task tomorrow AT WORK. and 4 years on the job, i am better prepared and confident to do what is expected. students and parents, bring it on! haha. ok be careful what i wish for. students and parents, please be kind. because this year is not for me to be a plain manager, it’s the year to lead. i had set some foundation. its a work in progress i understand that now. nothing can be perfect. but at the back of my mind, everyone is scrambling for a point of reference, even the parents. i need to take things more seriously, not that i havent, but in the few years we are starting, i was so into getting the teachers, arranging lesson plans, teaching and all them reports and paperworks. these things will be part of the job, but i feel there is more to the job than just this.
i am not perfect. no. i may not be the best person to be here. but while i am here, i should make the best of it. Allah, please guide me. like a strike of inspiration, i guess You have given me the answer to my prayers. yes. i know that now. You have always guided my decisions. for now, i know You want me to be here. for now.
still, as i have mentioned. work is not everything. i have my husband. my family. my self. they are more important than everything else and me is important. my husband needs my care. and i mean it. i realise he has been doing all the caring and love. i havent do much. apart from the simple chores i did…i simply havent do much. and i want to do more. and my priorities have changed. and work is somewhere down the list. if this work requires me to be fisabilillah. than it will. it will not be forced on me.
it is scream aim fire. in other words, start, aim and do it right.
its like i find myself all over again.
it had been a month of headaches, dreadful coughings, runny noses and on-off fevers. this body really knows which month to choose to get sick. and really i havent really recover fully. had the most horrible coughing period after so long. and just when i thought i got better, i am now still nursing a flu and some left over cough.
Allahu yashfiini.
my dear husband is not feeling so well either. but hoping that we can fully recover by new year.
but as if my mind did not want to succumb to the illness, i did some cleaning with my wardrobe, dressing table and my books. feels so good to be able to take out clothes and scarves which i know i am not going to wear anymore out! and those books i keep on buying and left by the bedside is not arranged nicely in my book box or at the shelves. such a clear of eyesight and mind. feels like my mind is able to breathe with a bit more space also.
i love my books. definitely. and after arranging them, it actually made me more eager to start reading again. as it is, too bogged down with work, i dont even spend some time to read anymore. and NO, will not let work dominate my time. reading makes me happy, and i am going to do it. just this week, i start to train myself to stop doing work during lunchtime. for the past three years i dont really take up too much importance during lunch. like i eat when im hungry and still do work continuously sometimes the whole day. but i have one hour. and i am going to use that time wisely and for ME. 10 minutes for meal, 15 minutes for prayers, and there’s a good half and hour more, so i read or take a nap. anything that is NOT work. i realise i work better after that.
back to the cleaning. and on a roll for my workspace too. since i am determined to have some sort of life to that messy place. i bought two small indoor plants, and something nice and memorable to be placed at my table. and yes, i am so going to clear out my space. that space.. just too much stuff!! you know you just want to start the year with a clear mind and space. i am really excited to clear my workspace!
a better year insya Allah. almost like im going to start all over.
Its a sunday i preferred. Not so lazy sunday coz i got to cook and did some laundry which includes folding them all.
While folding them clothes, i thought to myself and realised that i like doing these housechores. That it gives me pleasure feeling the warm bedsheets after a few hours hanging under the sun, ironing them, yes i iron my bedsheets. My husband thought it absurd, i mean he doesnt mind it unironed but ironing them makes me feel happy like all the germs dead and creases gone looking so smart. I think its just in the mind. But whatever.
Oh yes, like a child happily achieving something, i would squeal happily everytime my cooking tastes nice! Haha. But being a latebloomer, i never really thought about taste when it comes to food, but after watching all them foodshows, and the opportunity to go nice eating places, my tastebuds are awakened. And i can judge and criticise my own cooking. And learn what works and what isnt.
And now just lazing with husband, watching tv. I get to blog a bit and i get to read. Pure bliss.
A few more days to 2013. I dont do new year resolutions, although moneywise, i have learnt to spend only when needed sans books, that i cannot resist. And i know its always good to shop during sales. But what i want to do now is to do a monthly saving for knowledge or learning. i have a bit of saving this year, so next year i want to start keeping a sum aside just in case there are classes or workshops i want to go to. I know i have a list of workshops i want to go to, latest is floristry. But one thing at a time. Next year, i dont care, if i have the opportunity to attend some classes, i will.
Before i get pregnant and have a child, i think this is my time to learn as much knowledge and skills as possible. And i do not want to make work a reason for having no time to do things that i love. NO.NO MORE. I refuse to be dictated by my job.
So i look forward to a fulfilling year. Nervewrecking it may be, but i promise myself to be happy and enjoy life while i can. I do not want my mind to be bogged down by my work. I think i have had enough of that.
Well, its also going to be an interesting year because the big 3 oh is claiming its time soon. I do not wish to be a boring plain all work and no play person. God forbid!
Hello 2013 then. Bring it on.
Yeah, wake me up when september ends?! It has become such a popular statement that it was getting frustrating when almost everyone i know put that up as their status updates. For one thing i did not want september to end! Literally in the reality.
Because my october is such a chaos! Of course there is nothing i can do about it aye. Metaphorically im running throughout october! And no stopping till end of november. Time flies so fast.
One thing after another starts from the registration period. And now speeding through for the edufest, which, why was i in that in the first place? But going through the motion all the same with all those freaking changes happening all the time. We all did our best and now is to pray and hope it all goes well. Because really, we all went through so many sacrifices. It was not part of our jobscope meaning these are actually extra hours put on and some hours had to be taken away from our daily responsibilities, it is no doubt voluntary at some costs. While i enjoy the experience and the challenges, going to different mosques for the meetings, it is taking some toll on me, and perhaps the rest of the committees too. But all the same, i pray everything goes well and yes the weather to be on our side.
And so this month is also korban month. So hello me, the awkward post for an awkward mosque event (head of edu = coordinator of korban) no where near my line of work. Haha. But it is what it is as long as there is no other officer who can do a good job as me 😉
The bittersweet news for this year’s korban is only 16 mosques was audited and allowed to do korban. My mosque wasnt one of them so we got to ‘rest’ a bit this year! Not totally for me because we have to send a bit of help to another neighbouring mosque. Technically im still working for this korban but a whole load taken off because the other mosque will be doing the major work.
And simultaneously between all these is the registration matters i have to settle. And it frustrates me that some teachers still made mistakes even though handling certain levels for the current students, like double entries in two classes, heck, even in the same class u will see two same names! I cannot stand this kind of work lah. I have to double check every single names now, when i have told them tonnes of times to be careful and dilligent about these! There’s about 800 names i have to go through. And they are taking a tad too long to settle all those unreturned forms and the loss of forms and part timers not doing exactly what we asked them to do and what nots!
the next person who’s going to say my job is just sitting around in front of the pc…damn right i am doing just that! So dont compare my job with yours. Just because you move around doing things doesnt make your job any harder than mine.
And sorry to say the office is becoming a place of ‘my job is more difficult than yours’ everyone trying to ‘proof’ he or she is doing more than the rest? What do you guys think ive been doing all this while? Play games?! And while most of you are having a nice family time at home on weekends, i face battles on them days so you dont see what happens around here. You dont see the kind of students i have to deal with, heck, the kind of teachers i have to deal with! But that’s another story for another day.
Breathe in breathe out. October november please be kind and may Allah grant me health for these two months for i really cannot be sick in these hectic times.
I guess i have to tuck in now. My off day tmrw but i’ll be going back to work for a meeting supposedly for the parttimers but i dont know who’s coming and who’s not and it frustrates me because we MADE time for them. Im having a huge headache at the back of my mind and hopes it goes away in the morning.
this month doesnt seem to be my month, tech-wise.
i found out my hard disk, in which, i had thousands of docs saved inside there, songs, pictures and charmed series was broken somewhere inside the hardware. my husband tried so many things but was unable to revive it. thus, i had to go for professional help to recover my documents.
and today, of all days, after all these times, my precious iphone had to crack on me.
and it was utter carelessness because i was holding so many things, i was trying to dig inside my bag for the stupid ezlink card. and my iphone slipped off my hand. ultra shocked when it cracked, in malay, retak seribu! and the only thing that is holding it together is the screen protector.
but i realised, i have been a bit clumsier these days, i almost tripped myself while going down the stairs at mrt station, i always tripped over this wiring thingy at the office, and my colleague noticed i had a red bloodshot in my right eye, which i cant remember how i got it or what caused it. and forgetting where i put my specs, despite having three pairs of them.
brain exhaustion or what?
on the bright side, i am looking forward to a short trip to phuket with dear for our 2nd anniversary!
of course, this month has been so good, how can it not be? it’s my wedding month! 🙂
and then there’s the royal couple visit, the uss visit with my teachers. it’s been good.
alhamdulillah. 🙂
a pretty good end for april.
its also nice to have a week without a working saturday and without having to think much on lessons and trying to expect the unexpected. it is very exhausting every week to always be on your toes and anxious of what might happened next. and indeed it had been a very tumultuous month. same old same old.
I am just truly relieved that the maulid event went well although quite a humble celebration but i think we did well and surprisingly more organized especially with the meal together after the event and the free ice creams we get to give away. and i am proud of the teens students who did a qasidah and ever so ready to help out with giving away ice creams and assisting our volunteers to serve the food. really proud.
and of course, the soft launching of the reading room. all the tasks to be done seem stuck in the head just screaming to be materialised throughout the month managed to be completed and the books purchased and the room decorated a bit more. i have to say i wouldnt have done it without the help of my project officer who did a lot. he did the mini exhibits and doing whatever it is i asked him to do diligently. but now that it’s 90% person done, more importantly is to ensure people utilize the room, but that’s another day to think about.
i particularly love how april ends. with my husband’s birthday, and brother’s birthday. yes they are two days apart. and sumptuous delicious meals for dinner at bedok on saturday with my family and lunch on sunday at sakura, a sweaty but nice walk at fort canning with the family and an impromptu visit to the battlebox.
a selfmade card for him, blue roses and nice shirts for him. what im happy most is i managed to get the right size shirts for him! and he loved them. knowing him, it can be quite difficult to get something he will really like when size and material is concerned. we get to have late lunch at east coast for his favourite satay and an hour of cycling before catching the sunset. it was a lovely friday.
and yes, a minor milestone for me is, i managed to open up an Islamic bank account! i had been wanting to open up a savings account separate from my everyday use and i hope with this effort, i will be more disciplined in saving up and be more prudent with my spendings. and maybe in the next five years, able to perform zakat some day, and even hajj or umrah, and oh well, just the nice feeling of getting to save up.
grateful and happy with what i had and did. hopefully more better days coming soon.
a decision still awaits.
how i wish my day would look and be perfect. i feel like im back being a teenager when i have to arrange my life and like what homework to do first, which subject to read up first for the exam period. but after getting married, my life has changed. first and foremost for a good few months, we had a very efficient helper. but after mom inlaw left and the helper left, im back to what i have always did back at my family home. however, it was hard and very tiring. i have to arrange my days so i get to do what i like to do and what i am obliged to do. ‘like’ meaning the housework and all the wifey things i have to do. and ‘obliged’ refers to work and meetings and projects.
so let’s plan out one day at a time. some are what i have been doing while some i feel its time to do it as scheduled. so let’s see. we’ll start with monday, yes, because, monday is always the most hardest day for me. especially when i worked on saturdays and came back on sundays.
bismillah…
Usually i always start my blogpost with a title and i could work from there. but nowadays it seems that i work the other way round. not that it matters but i seriously think titles are everything, and it is the focus of a story..
it has been a turnaround in my perspective, in my work, mostly. i had been praying hard for the past weeks and still is to God to give me the strength and guidance in this and mostly asking for HIS blessings in my every actions and decision. and remember i blogged about trying to make this exciting when there’s a lack of it, surprisingly, i find myself treating my work with a bit of excitement and that energy of purposefulness. I know it’s God’s way of comforting me and guiding me through. and im seriously taking mental notes of all the signs. ALHAMDULILLAH. with Your guidance Ya Allah, let me do what will be best for me, for my husband and family, for the community and the ummah.
But it doesnt mean my mind has not stopped thinking about it. i still do. its just that the circumstances is not giving me that chance. not now anyway. i will persevere on. insya Allah. indeed HE knows best. Im asking for HIS guidance.
on a happy note, one of my closest friends, still friends till this day, all the way from those Roswell years and I am glad we are still friends..ok ok…she gave birth to a sweet baby girl with a sweet, and in my personal view, a cool and most unique name (which is, expected if it’s dyan, hehe) Nur Athea. I love the name! alhamdulillah, visited her last friday and so glad mother and daughter is safe and sound. So my three closest friends from school have children. Mahir with baby Emre, Dayah with 3-yr old Lutfi and now Dyan with sweet Athea.
And you know what, i cant wait for one myself. but Allah knows best. we can keep on praying and trying but Allah knows best when this little one should be created. and with all the people i met who will ask every face time, with their prayers, we will have one two three four? who knows?! Allah knows. and maybe in time. in the right time. little he or she will come. and mommy and daddy here will be waiting patiently for you precious one.
i had a dream. and that dream will come true. Amin.
living seri 