not feeling well. it is a pattern i know so well now. be done with all the craziness at work and then my body will seek the attention it needs by being sick. it always is. come december and i believe i have a bit of slow pace for work. i need to slow down for awhile and start thinking and planning effectively. and there is a lot of thinking to do. i also need to be less cranky.

november has always been crazy every year. ptc and graduation and this year with a training i got myself involved into. i pretty much enjoyed them all despite the hardwork it was to get them done. really hardwork. my brain and body just focused on the job needs to be done that i dont seem to care about anything else but getting the job done properly. it was adrenaline.

but now, my body needs to rest. so let’s focus on getting better now and recuperate well.

Ya Allah, you are the best Planner, plan for me, guide me, help me find the best teachers to teach and nurture these young children. It is not up to my discretion, but Yours Ya Allah. I cannot do this on my own. They need You. I need You. I need Your help. I need your guidance to make the right decision and to have the best teachers. Open their hearts to have the confidence to make da’wah and nurture these young children in Your masjid. Open my heart to receive them. Open parents’ heart to this masjid.

Amiin.

sigh, fave authors writing on these kinds of themes, first it was Jodi Picoult in Sing You Home about a lesbian relationship and finding out the her son is gay. The really recent Paulo Coelho in the obviously titled Adultery and Wally Lamb with this. i was so looking forward to Wally Lamb’s latest book, i avoided though reading reviews because i was thinking how can i not possibly like his book? but so disappointed it revolves about a lesbian relationship/marriage and im just not engaged reading it from the start anyway. it felt like reading grapes of wrath at the start. i thought i can get through this but then, oh dear. the theme just puts me off.

i tried though, thinking i should start reading about all this same sex hooha and perhaps try to understand them a little better, as a way of information should i want to explore counselling. but i cannot. i cannot bring myself to read.

i am not ready yet to read on these themes.

happy three one to me.

I am blessed that i entered my thirties in a blessed month. it was the same last year. this year the date coincide with Nuzul Al-Qur’an. i know it is just dates but they are special because we can never know when our birthdates coincide so nicely with Islamic calendar. i am excited for next year though, when my birthdate of both Hijri and Islami was so close to one another, it could well have met, just like it did 32 years ago. 🙂

this year had been a learning year for me. i braved the decision to take up diploma in counselling and have thus enjoyed it although it was not an easy subject for me. i braved taking up NLP after having that inkling interest in it for so long and finally learnt it, although, yes it was not an easy one for me too. this takes a lot of practice and i do not always have the time, but i have to make time, aren’t i? it is a lot of time management. and i admit it has been exhaustive.

(and so, i kind of irritated when people are telling me they are so busy they don;t have time to come for meetings, for example) learn to put everything at its place.

celebrating my 31st has been homely. an iftar gathering at my parents’. a nice ring which i have been aiming for and it surprisingly had a 50% discount one fateful day. hubbylove gave an iPad mini even though he claimed he wasnt going to buy me anything. Sis gave a nice Owell germanium bracelet which has some healthy elements. love love love them. alhamdulillah.

and i managed to deliver a good presentation on bullying as a class project this same night. even i was surprised at myself.

but on this blessed night, i pray for loved ones, for the faithful departed. i pray for a slice of happiness for the children of Gaza, but knowing the hereafter will be full of laughter for them. i pray that their pain will end. i pray that one day, this cruel oppression will end, for a light of humanity. for syria, for rohingya, for all the Muslims who have been oppressed just by being Muslim. Allah Ma’akum.

on this blessed night, i pray for love and health for my beautiful parents. strength and patience for my beautiful brothers and sisters, may they have the wisdom to face this life. love and health for my dear dear husband. for all the love and unconditional care he has shown me since day 1 we met. i pray for health and happiness for my sisters. may Allah pour us with barakah and rahmah. Amiin.

It has been quite a challenging and tiring Ramadan.

I am having a three nights straight class every week and always having this exhaustion feeling. and assignments and a presentation coming up soon. so im like rushing, a bit i guess, to complete my tasks.

I was also given some added responsibilities and another offer which took me by surprise but it is not concrete yet.
I am feeling nervous about it but exciting also?

anyway, i am officially an NLP practitioner. fuhh. it was definitely not easy. practising them is not easy, and taking the assessment was not easy as well!. it is a constant practice, speaking of which, i need to set a time everyday just to revise these NLP tools. I will make time. Must anchor already, haha.

But i enjoy using the NLP-Hypno language these days. it definitely gives a difference. and still learning about predicates, because this takes conscious effort. and oh, i truly love the pendulum exercise. it definitely is a good exercise for me to really get in touch with the unconscious mind. but as of now, im still treading. still not quite there yet. takes time.

ok, not a good blogpost now, i have a presentation to do! and an assignment to catch up!

today’s class seems to be telling me something.

we had to roleplay in a group and create our own story with the idea that the counsellor is able to do logical consequence on us. i was the client and my classmate was the counsellor. and of all stories i could invent, my brain took the opportunity to tell my story.

and at the end of the roleplay, i thought i found the answer. well my classmate must have done a good counsellor roleplaying. and even after that, my groupmates continue on to do self diclosure, share about their own experience, real experiences, real decisions and real regrets.

so why is it still hard?