book review: those who leave and those who stay

Those Who Leave and Those Who Stay (The Neapolitan Novels, #3)Those Who Leave and Those Who Stay by Elena Ferrante

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Oh My God!

the ending is so unexpected! i have been rooting for Lenu to end with Nino since day one. and it finally happened!! except that it was not in the circumstances i would have imagined.

well the third instalment of elena ferrante’s story since My Brilliant Friend. i was satisfied that this time around, more focus was given to Lenu herself and her family. we get to have a bit more scenes that tries to portray the relationship between her and her mother. i am happy that her family got more mention, with her sister Elisa suddenly came on into the spotlight towards the end.

i am left satisfied because the previous two books felt like it focused so much on Lila. so this third one feels like it gives more insight on Lenu’s adult life and her frustrations and struggles of being in marriage, with an aloof husband and two daughters, juggling these many roles as well as the difficulties of trying to continue writing but failing to do so.

however, the twist of fates in their lives gives the impression that now Lila is getting the better of their worlds with her involvement and skills in handling modern machines, and now its Elena who is being the lesser of two, juggling her life.

however, this time around, i found some passages which i felt describe this complicated friendship between Lenu and Lila.

“I had been conditioned by my education, which had shaped my mind, my voice. To what secret pacts with myself had i consented, just to excel. And now, after the hard work of learning, what must i unlearn. Also, I had been forced by the powerful presence of Lila to imagine myself as I was not. I was added to her, and I felt mutilated as soon as I removed myself. Not an idea, without Lila. Not a thought I trusted, without the support of her thought. Not an image. I had to accept myself outside of her. The gist was that. Accept that I was an average person.What should i do. Try again to write. Maybe I didn’t have the passion, I merely limited myself to carrying out a task. So don’t write anymore. Find some job. Or act the lady, as my mother said. Shut myself up in the family. Or turn everything upside down. House. Children. Husband.

Although this last statement is giving us a teaser on what is going to happened at the end of this period. as I would find out at the end.

Also Pietro’s description of Lila is on point. “…she wasn’t at all my friend, that she hated me, that she was extraordinarily intelligent, that she was fascinating, but her intelligence had been put to bad use – it was the evil intelligence that sows discord and hates life – and her fascination was the more intolerable, the fascination that enslaves and drives a person to ruin.”

and this part!! I don’t understand how your relationship could have lasted so long, obviously you’ve carefully hidden from each other anything that could rupture it.

to end the beautiful pieces.”My becoming was a becoming in her wake. I had to start again to become, but for myself, as an adult, outside of her.” Yes Lenu, Yes. about time. Finally you understood this.

being almost like an observer to these characters, following their lives. i am glad i picked up My Brilliant Friend some months ago and got hooked to the Neapolitan dramas.

Now that i am moving on to the final book, i feel like i do not want in to end.

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6 years

chilling at PV at the moment. enjoying my home pretty home.

today marks our 6th year of marriage.

our way of celebrating it is to stay home. well, i am entertaining myself doing quite a number of activities since about 5 hours ago, while my poor hubbyLove is stuck with work due to some problem that occurred since last night.

perhaps we might have gone out, but hubbyLove has to be constantly on the phone and connect to his work online so it’s just better to be home.

we had always spent our anniversary travelling but its been two years now we couldnt leave due to work commitments.

the highlight of the weekend is perhaps the dinner we had with my parents last night. it was a nice sumptuous enjoyable dinner at Straitskitchen Hyatt Hotel. I have always wanted to bring my parents to a dinner out at hotels and finally managed to. for one thing, their anniversary falls on a September too, 4th, and they have never had a hotel dinner on an anniversary. i mean, we rarely eat out, and hotel dinners are expensive. but for this year, alhamdulillah, get to bring them. and its nice to see my parents enjoying the food so much. especially my father who have been mentioning of having less appetite. im happy he had few rounds of meals. and mom too. i love the conversations we are having, except half way through, hubby’s distracted by calls from his boss. in a way, i was fortunate i had my parents around, imagine, if it had just been me and him and he had to move out to have a focused discussion on the phone and left me alone there?!

i enjoyed the dinner anyway.

so today, it had been a chill at PV day. i transferred the new stacks of books i bought from central home to here, updated my shelves, so to speak. love love love my books. and after a round of blossom blast game, decided to perhaps let’s just go to the gym, for once. and i did. and so so so glad that i had the gym all to myself! no one’s around! timecheck at about 1.30pm so next time, if i want to have an empty gym, perhaps lunchtime on a weekend is a best time.

and then, since the gym is facing the pool, i was tempted to ‘dive’ in. again, the pool all to myself! totally enjoyed the jacuzzi. and i managed to do a basic amateurish freestyle on my own! i learnt from youtube. ohh that’s another thing, youtube is the best! haha. makes my visit to the pool more meaningful now 😛

ok. enough.

happy anniversary hubbyLove. thank you for loving me and providing me with almost everything. thank you for your silent patience and never failing to send and fetch me from work on the weekends. especially when i have to be at work on both days. so the least i can do is giving back this patience with stolen hugs and kisses when you are engaged online and dealing with your work like this on our anniversary day. we are cool like that.

love you with all my heart.

window 313

i just had some nice me time window shopping and did some shopping today.

it has been quite a while really. my friday me times are usually spending time at my PV home, watching movies or catching up on series, reading, and if i feel motivated a bit, perhaps a dip at the jacuzzi pool (coz i don’t know how to swim), or, once in a blue moon, a visit to the gym.

so today, gather all the rajin-ness in me and went all the way to orchard. what gives me the drive, though, are the krispy kremes original glazed donuts and famous amos cookies i have been thinking of the whole week!

although the main agenda was to search for a good pair sneaker shoes that i can wear for my upcoming iceland trip. it was a difficult search really. i thought i could find something at orchard/somerset. perhaps i wasnt so good with the area in the first place. i went to cineleisure coz there’s a sneakers boutique leftfoot. i didnt find what i want there but the guys there were quite helpful and friendly. gave me some inputs like material of the sneakers and the soles suitable for winter. in a way, i saved the $200 budget for shoes for now.

they did suggest timberland boots, which everyone also mentions the same when i asked about what’s good for winter. but i thought i want to move away from using the brand. its expensive for one thing, and im worried that i will not be able to get the leather boots worn enough so that it doesnt hurt my feet and gave me blisters. i cannot get blisters on this trip because i need to be up and about and comfortable. so i thought sneakers would be a better option, i just need something for winter.

i ended up going into royal sporting house at 313 and found a brand called merrell. sneakers looks tough and they have this info cards ‘multi water’ and ‘multi hike’ so i suppose they are the next best option for me. although the price is a bit on the high side, perhaps because it’s at Orchard, so im going to try check out other Royal Sporting House at neighbourhood malls and maybe compare prices. i mean if i can save a few dollars why not?

on the sidetrack, i visited Kinokuniya and alas, bought some books. but believe me, they are books i dont find at Popular stores and they are authors i loved and as i mentioned in my instagram, they are just irresistible. but in a way, i pride myself by not hoarding and buying just any other books. i spent quite a while there at Kino. i saw many Man booker longlist books on display and so many others which looks interesting, of course the YAs too, but i have managed to stop myself and actually took time to check out three websites before deciding whether to get them or not. i checked Goodreads for ratings and one or two reviews, i checked Book Depository to compare prices, and NLB catalogue to check if they are even available in the local libraries. quite updated lah NLB. and as of now, i have about 6 books on reservation because i couldnt help myself! at least it’s only $1.50 per book/reserve. these are books which look and sound interesting but i was not sure if whether i will love the book.

i have decided on a protocol on this. if i can get the book from the library, i will borrow it first and if i find myself loving it die hard, then i will purchase it. if i think i can wait for some time, i get it online from book depository because of free shipping and i love that the prices are usually lower than anywhere else. but if i think i cannot wait, i will get them physically. but it doesnt have to be from Kino, maybe next time i could try indie bookstores around the island.

but look at those books. such lovelies. i cannot help thinking, it’s even colour coordinated with my bedsheet 😛

tiring day nevertheless, but the trip to kino and madewithlove makes me happy. that’s another thing, spending on planner stickers. i mildly swear i do not need to buy anymore stickers from etsy at the moment. but anyway, i rarely go to these places, so i hope its spending worth of 6 months’ supply of stickers….and books. already i have a stack of books waiting to be transferred to PV shelves.

collective pain

it has been a year of sickness for me. that’s 33 for me. i had some pain ordeal going through some wisdom tooth and gum infection in july. and just barely two months, im back on the sick bed. this time nursing a bad bout of diarrhea from food poisoning. and this is a collective epidemic. some 30 of us, staff and volunteers had dinner catered from a regular caterer on wednesday night. come thursday morning, apparently a lot of us were visiting the toilets and some even went to a&e, perhaps more severe than most.

in fact, i went to work on thursday morning, thinking it was just something mild and would go away by the day. i was thinking maybe it was just me because i did eat some hot maggi curry leftovers from husband’s dinner. i was already filling up my stomach with so many different things. i thought it was just me.

ended up my colleagues were having stomach pains too and we start to receive news that about 3 of the volunteers were hospitalised.

i couldnt stand the day, by half day, i had to go back because i was already shivering and growing weaker. i thought i could go visit the doc on the way back home, but walking down that field to the mrt station already made me feel dizzy and i wasnt able to even stand for a long time. decided to go back home straight and i literally dropped my self on the bed. i was having stomach pains, diarrhea, a huge headache and shivering, not knowing whether i am cold or hot. slept through the day. feeling almost weak, but forced myself to wake up and have a shower, have some drink. i was feeling somewhat hungry but the abdominal pain took over. i think i didnt eat proper for two whole days. tried to eat bread though.

my emotions went a bit disturbed too. especially when husband don’t seem to take my sickness seriously. he kept forgetting to buy me things i needed. the first night, i sent him a message asking him to buy panadol on the way home. as usual, he was back home so late and ended up not buying any panadol. i was so frustrated that i think my anger gave me the strength to get up and rummaged through cupboards and our travel packs, i literally rummaged coz i was ‘throwing’ things when i couldnt find any panadol. he ended up calling up sil and found a pack in her room. i was sulking bad, because of a panadol!

Second day, still visiting the toilet few times through the night. woke up feeling determined to go to the doctor but was really dreading the walk down the neighbourhood hub. went out early and amazed my self with being able to walk all the way, although i stopped half way at a bus stop to have a seat because i was starting to feel drowsy. still i managed to reach the doc just minutes before it actually opened. so i was third in line. going back was hard though. felt really weak, i couldnt even stand up long to queue for breakfast at kfc.

again, just on the bed for the rest of the day. this time, hubby forgot to buy 100plus drink and sigh, i didnt know why but i burst into sobbing tears! such a sad story! i think it shocked him too he went back out straightaway to buy them.

by saturday, i was feeling a bit better, i have to be though because i have work to do = teachers day dinner and purchasing some last minute gifts for lucky draws.

being at work made me forget about the pain. i pulled through. even though i wasnt eating any of the food, except for a few mouthfuls of macaroni salad. i dint touch any of the desserts, i barely drank. but i was on the move. making sure the hall was set up, wrapping up the gifts, even gave a last minute speech on stage. i have to admit, i was very thankful that one of the noja was really very helpful around and the emcee, who is one of our regular volunteers, was able to livened up the atmosphere with his jokes. really thankful for these people. and i was also very relieved that my teachers did not attend the meeting on wednesday and ate the same food i ate, because if all of us were down, i don’t think we can manage the event. as always, they were my strength.

but this ordeal has made me appreciated the food we eat, praying every time before eating that the food is eventually health for the body, rizq from Allah. and to honestly see the significance of reading the do’a before and after eating. really.

after dark

After DarkAfter Dark by Haruki Murakami
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Who can make a night of about 12 hours and be fully engaged on stories. he can.

I am pleasantly surprised that this book kept me engaged throughout, and who would have thought that so many things can happened in a night?

a girl ‘running’ away from home, choosing to read a thick book in cafes, an absolute introvert, a chance meeting with her sister’s friend and then got involved in helping a foreign girl being hit in a love hotel, deepening friendships and personal reveals. it’s a one-night adventure.

and all this while, trying to understand and find out what happened to her sister who have been sleeping and have not woken up for two months since.

at the end, it is, a story of two sisters finding their way back to each other, after feeling estranged from one another because of their different personalities and pursues. it really touches me, when at the end, the girl came back to her sister, still peacefully sleeping, and slept beside her sister.

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kru-maniac

i have never thought i would ever ever see them live. and here they are. for their 25th year in the music industry.

the moment i found out they are coming to perform here, i asked my hubbylove for permission, he said ok and i immediately bought a pair of tix, with full knowledge that i will be going on my own if no one else is going.

i probably should have been more alert with friends, because apparently there were who might be interested, if i had asked. turned out one of the babes was quite a fan. who eventually bought a tix (luckily managed to get a seat next to each other). and a petal too. i should have kind of at least asked. i felt bad though.

but i was used to going to concerts on my own. i did for NOAH. that was a last minute tix some more!

but anyway, i totally enjoyed Kru’s concert. the fans were great, the boys were entertaining and humourous. i loved and sang to all their songs, i was quite surprised i remembered the lyrics quite well too, haha.

they performed some major fave songs, in fact a lot of their songs are major faves, but they couldnt perform all, could they? there’s Awas, Negatif, Mengerti, Untukmu Sayang (so happy they sang this!), Fanatik, Jangan Lafazkan (this too!!). it seems like everytime they sang a song, the fans went crazy! they still sang good in LIVE but can definitely see they don’t or maybe can’t dance so much. lol. they tried. i know. but it’s ok Kru, the concert’s still perfect. and major expected surprise! Lisa, Yusry’s wife danced in Ooh La La! why it is expected, well i kinda hoping i would see Lisa somewhere in the concert, maybe at the VIP seat or something. but it was made sweeter when she came out as one of the dancers. such a cute couple both Yusry and Lisa, and humble too. they are so made for each other.

a sweet highlight is just when Edry actually looked up at our side of the seats and waved at us. i could pengsan just then, because he has always been my fave brother.

it was nice and lovable, sweet memory, bringing me back to my childhood years. so many of us there grew up listening to their songs. its fantastic fanatic.

Kru – Checked
Noah- Checked
Take That- Checked
The Cranberries- Checked
Ellie Goulding- Checked
Muse- Checked
Ella (& Awie)- Checked
MCR- Checked and it’s where i started

even Sami Yusuf- Checked 😉

material vs brainial needs

i have just had a most satisfying round of cleaning and rearranging my stuffs.
seriously, when does one can stop accumulating belongings?!

you know, everytime i see my belongings, i remembered this video clip where they showed japanese living in small apartments and really, theirs is a room equipped with basic stuffs. and i mean basic stuffs! makes me feel why am i having all these stuffs in the first place?!

ok let’s have a look at these worldly belongings i accumulate over the years.

– make-up stuffs.
and im not even an avid make-up user, except lipsticks and liquid lips, i have a penchant for lips. but in any case, i have managed to sell some of them away through carousell (make-up really sells there ok), and a some i gave to my sisters and mom, and some i just threw away because i realised i am never going to wear them. so now, i only have a few fave colours and brands i have loved and used regularly.

– books
i am pretty sure i have had hundreds of books. i have totally lost count. i have also given away countless and countless numbers of books, to charity, to the library at the condo, and trying my luck selling them away at carousell.
of course, books worth of three tall bookshelves have been transported to PV. and there are still some more here at HC. and heck, i still borrow books sometimes. and i still buy books.

– knick knacks
really, i have so many of these small stuffs like magnets and souvenirs from my trips. toys, yes toys. puzzle toys, figurines of little pony, japanese dolls, notebooks, bracelets, seashells.

but i am pleased to say that i finally have the willpower to throw stuffs which are not useful anymore, doesnt give me the same joy as it had been. i mean, realy, i do not wish to be a hoarder.

and hubbylove bought a new simple chest from ikea for me to rearrange and keep stuffs kept safely nice away from eyesight. i am not only able to keep everything nice and clear, but this chest also acts like a worktable for me. where i am right now, typing away this post.

i am pretty sure you know how i felt. how liberating and mindblowing it can make you feel. clear headed. just clean. and everything at its proper place.

and i really hope i can focus on saving. because i have been very blessed to have this capacity to buy things whenever i feel like it, but it has to stop because i have overdid it. too many dresses, too many shawls (and that’s hundreds given away already too). i am not short of bags and shoes still well worn. i guess it is time to say enough, right. because i dont need this much stuff. i really don’t. and i have to give myself some credit, i am glad that i am not the type to go overboard with branded stuffs or fashionable bags and shoes. because i could go to the extreme if it isnt this willpower, even if its small tiny miny willpower, it has still managed to temper this spending power urge, heck, it is huge willpower. it’s scary how we can go to an opposite extreme if there is no knock on the head.

and let’s focus on upgrading one’s intellectual investments, instead of materials. if i don’t start doing that, this brain will get rusty and demotivated. i need to feel energized and intellectual stimulating with ideas and decisions and new information and skills. need to get moving.

and of course, upgrading spiritual needs too. i think i am ready to do some memorizing.

reading day

being the reader and library goer that i am, i was aware of the national reading movement going on but was not able to follow through the updates of events happening leading to this day. so apparently it is National Reading Day organized by the NLB! i love anything reading!

so it surprised me, pleasantly, when during a meeting, mosques were encouraged to participate in one of the initiatives, read for books, which quite simply, for every 10 persons who reads for 15 minutes, a book will be donated to needy families. i said ok let’s try to do this! it was quite short notice actually, but in my mind, if it can be done, we’ll try.

but alas, i had to go for my wisdom tooth surgery, in pain and on mc. i was not able to give proper information to the students and parents. all week, i was quite sad for not being able to resolve it.

being me, i cannot let it go just like that, i could explain to the teachers but i do not want my coordinators to feel obligated to do it but end up not properly done. so i decided, ok, on Saturday, the last day of submission, i will brave myself to drop by at the mosque after taking out my stitch coz its not supposed to be a bloody procedure. even if its a few classes, its ok, effort is there.

what i didnt prepare myself for was the gum treatment i had to go through and that my lower gums and lips will be numbed for about 2-3 hours! the treatment itself was pretty much done in 30 minutes, but i was numbed! still fine, i will still go to the mosque, in time for the second session.

with the numbness still there, at least i can hear my voice speaking, i went in to classes, and promote the programme. the students were so supportive, that while one or two have a storybook of their own, the rest took books from the mosque’s library to read. i mean for 10-15 minutes. and it is done! i love the students for being so fun and supportive about it, i don’t mind doing this regularly! lol.

alhamdulillah, i just hope their efforts are being recognized. i had to submit some pictures and a form on that same saturday. i wished i could have done it on a bigger scale but it is a good start. hopefully, if there’s similar future events, i will be able to prepare better and coordinate for bigger scale.

so ya, happy #nationalreadingday !

random

i honestly have been enjoying updating my blog almost everyday this week. haha. thanks to this week’s mc. sometimes i got confused what day it is.

it is love hate. i loved this rare opportunity of recuperating but i also kind of look forward to work. scary. tomorrow is friday and i have tonnes of things to do! oklah actually just try to do two-three more alterations and then maybe if i am extra rajin, i could squeeze in some wardrobe rearrangements. it’s like my last weekday of my mc!

i did some work work this morning, and i find joy in doing them, at least, for the moment. feels like my brain is working. it’s really love hate. i am graetful to have this job but i just feel like i could do so much more if perhaps this job does not take too much of my time.. maybe i just need to re-arrange my time.

anyway, being at home gives me some time to think of new things i could do for work and also some ideas on how to rearrange my room at Central! haha, i know very random!

ok got to go. going to find ideas for this room now!

solitary

i am on antibiotics but today i have been sneezing and woke up this morning feeling like i have a lump in my throat.

there you go, the telltales of a fever or flu. thankfully am no longer on painkillers due to the wisdom tooth coz otherwise im not sure i can handle both pain and a fever at the same time. but now i am wondering if i got this fever because i stopped taking painkillers. or it could definitely be that i caught it from sil.

i have had two days of reading, altering my dresses and stupid dramas marathon. i finally took up strength to get out of the house today. just felt like i need some sun. been cooped up for four days already. didnt go far, just the neighbourhood mall to return some library books. with the full intention of not borrowing anymore for the time being because i still have about four more books on loan to read. however, i came back with three borrowed books.

the thing with libraries is that, once i see a book that is on my wishlist, i have to borrow it, because otherwise, you will not see it anymore. you really have to grab and go, especially when you see serial novels in chronology order available in the same library! this time, it was the shannara series. but i am totally proud of myself for not buying them and having that luck to borrow them instead, haha! finally, getting to read terry brooks!

anyway, i am starting to get bored although i love this stay-at-home chance in a year. i feel like i have so many things to do and so many places to go! i have been thinking of going to the garden festival at gardens by the bay. been following their instagram and being the flower person that i am, i cannot miss this! i am left with thursday and friday! hoping that i get better from this flu and give myself a chance to go flower viewing! but first, some chill time at pv alone tomorrow!