let’s see how we have progress so far…
at 8th Feb 2008 / 1.45pm

action plan chronologically to be accomplished:
1/ clean up my room
2/ report Project Y
3/ lesson plan for teens -completed at 5.00pm (sure a lot of time was spent here, not that easy to plan the lessons for teens year 1 & 2 for the whole of february)
4/ prepare some materials for teens notice board
5/ prepare the transliteration for assembly doa
6/ read up on work which am doing with Teach, now baptised as ‘concept review- C.R’
7/ research on transliteration matters
8/ report H-Primers
9/ read THE books, esp on ancient civilizations for y.a
ok kasi genap sepuluh
10/ do some blogskinning for teens and my sisters.

Peyton : You’re always saving me

Lucas : Somebody’s got to

i’ve been reading Karen Armstrong’s Islam : A Short History. and i recalled vaguely of a claim which said that the book is a Shi’i book or something. i really don’t know where i got that from, i just remember the gist of it, but not sure who said it or where i found it. but that’s beside the point.

i agree the book do mention Shi’i quite a lot. really. and i’m starting to believe that maybe armstrong is sympathetic towards the Shi’i or she really mean to write about them or whatever her reason is. but then i started to realise, how this side of history was almost untold of. i recall being taught of the history very briefly though in sirah books. i learned their doctrines but i somehow missed out on certain aspects. my knowledge on shi’ism stopped immediately after the death of saiyidina Ali r.a, well them tracing their emergence right before that. i just thought we never really know their side of the story, aren’t we? maybe i was historically ignorant, i admit that. we do have some very wide differences. we do. theologically and legally. but at the end of the day, we still believe in Allah, don’t we?

hmm, i lost it. i didn’t bother to strike a conversation with a lecturer and ask about this. too late, seri. but then, there’s still that group of ustaz-s i’m working with…

well, my thoughts keep coming back to saiyidina Ali. how he must have been thinking, or felt, when all the conflicts came up. being a young man, appointed as the caliph, only to clean up where saiyidina uthman left off. already at a troubled period. and then a group came up, claiming to champion his place as THE righful caliph, that his three predecessors shouldn’t take place. it was his right from the start. he didn’t want that. he don’t need to be elevated to such a position.

now let’s recall, ali was the Prophet’s cousin and son-in-law. he was the closest child to Rasulullah in his early years, the first muslim child. practically stood beside Rasulullah throughout his life. learning first hand from the Prophet. he stood up for the Prophet, on his so called deathbed, how brave a young man, willing to stay, knowing he was surrounded by enemies. he must have love Rasulullah all his heart. he must have been grieving still even after years the Prophet departed. what must have been his thoughts when he saw the ideal ummah built up by Rasulullah tumbling into conflicts, one after another. how must he felt, battling against the people he knew most of his life, as his family? going against the lady he respected most for being the Prophet’s wife? he didn’t want that to happen, would he? is he hurt? is he scared? worried? desperate? unable to resolve the problem when so many people are expecting him to do the right thing.

and if he was alive, and had known how his sons died. would it not break his heart terribly?

there’s many ways to prolong this melancholy. but i won’t indulge. we have taken things for granted. as a sunni, i have neglect to understand history. i might have been one sided all this way. and you call yourself a thinker?

lessons to be learnt, people.

new year’s eve. the much needed break.
there’s this malay drama on suria which i never paid attention and when i did, well for the first 10 minutes, i was astounded. seriously astounded. because there were some familiarity between me and this illyana girl.

so as far as i understand, this illyana girl has a very good close guy friend. which other than treating him as a friend, it so happened she kind of had feelings for him. she had stayed good friends with him, even though he had been dating with other girls. granted that this illyana is not the feminine bimbo types of girls. and the guy is sort of the handsome guy who knows beauty when he sees it.

now this guy seems to know that illyana might have some feeling for him, but she has always treated him as the GOOD friend, and the guy admits she is the only good friend he has, no matter how many girls he went out with, and illyana is the only one who understands him, and oh-i-don’t-want-to-lose you friend. I SO UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FELT, illyana.

so the story went on and on, i wasn’t paying attention. until towards the end, there’s only this illyana and her good friend. and she told him, she really miss him. really miss the old him, his as her friend, the one who listens to her, the one who knows almost everything about her. she misses HIM the FRIEND. she don’t want him as anything more. just a Friend. I SO UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FELT, illyana.

but our similarity ends there. for she gets to stay friends with him. I DON’T. and never will, i guess. for my good friend has long disappeared. oh yea, forgot that i exist. her good friend stays…for her. MINE DON’T.

but that’s the past!!

am so living in the NOW. as long as this friend of mine (no more) is happy….whatever. a statement: anti -orang area Ubi. i know i shouldn’t generalise this, but i do. so far, people i’ve known who lived or are still living in Ubi, i just cannot click with them. even with one i remember fondly, is just, a disappointment, heart breaking. so anti-Ubi, can?

haiiyyyya, 24 and you’re still thinking like some immature confused teenager. you’re a youth trainer, for Lord’s sake! haha. i am so over the past anyway. just at times, you can’t help but be reminded. but well well well, we learn from the past, don’t we??

so am going with business now.

action plan chronologically to be accomplished:
1/ clean up my room
2/ report Project Y
3/ lesson plan for teens
4/ prepare some materials for teens notice board
5/ prepare the transliteration for assembly doa
6/ read up on work which am doing with Teach, now baptised as ‘concept review- C.R’
7/ research on transliteration matters
8/ report H-Primers
9/ read THE books, esp on ancient civilizations for y.a
ok kasi genap sepuluh
10/ do some blogskinning for teens and my sisters.

busy busy busy i LIKE???

yey!!! first driving class was great!!! the feeling you get when you’re holding that steering wheel and actually driving. i was actually driving. can you believe it?? i am very surprised that i could manouver the car forward and backward, make turns, breaking and accelerating…..i did it! it’s not playing need for speed ok.

I AM DRIVING!!! hahaha. excited naahh.

for a first 100 minutes lesson, i have to say i did quite well. still need practice of course!!!

and i am so looking forward for Chinese New Year break!! for i get to stay at home and finish reading my towering books!! (bought two more books yesterday. mono: met dayah yesterday who’s getting married end of this month!!)

and clean up my room. and well, i cannot run from work, can i?? yeah need to complete some reports and do some lesson plans. the preparations you need just to teach a once a week 2 and half hour lesson!!

my hands are itching to drive again….can’t wait for next tuesday!!

tomorrow will be my very first driving class!!! am excited actually. getting close to achieving one of those listed in my action plan.

it’s weird, people, well, two very different persons have dreamt that i…uhmm…got engaged…first it was my cousin, and today a close colleague just told me about how she dreamt i got engaged but only a few people knew about it, kind of like a hush2 thingy (but she couldn’t see who this mysterious fiance of mine was..too bad). it can be that detailed. you don’t know how graaannd it was, however, in my cousin’s dream! haha.
it’s weird because why in the whole world would they dream about me? getting engaged somemore!! and i don’t ever dream about coming close to having a special someone. i know i know it’s just a dream. but two people dreaming of the same ‘event’?

please don’t tell me there’s a third person out there who dreamt of me getting engaged, or it will really get spooky!!!

anyway, it’s all in good cause, maybe their dreams might bring some good news, but otherwise, just a dream to amuse their sleep ..(and i’m the subject of their amusing dreams???)

this brings me to a dream i had back in IIU, which quite amused me actually. in this dream, i was somehow, bringing my two very adorable little sons to school/nursery/kindergarted(?). it looked like the first day of school. and i somehow knew a ‘husband’ was somewhere nearby, but i don’t know who.

then you know how sometimes, when you’re dreaming, there’s this other conscious, the thinking conscious, coaxing you into reality. i don’t know how to put it, but during this dream, i was pushed to think ‘i have got to know who is the father to my dream sons are’. my mind was saying ‘who’s their father? who’s their father?’ over and over again. in my dream, i was looking at my sons’ nametags and i could see their names clearly (which i now remember dearly). i was like reading their names again and again, afraid that i might forget them. and still my conscious was urging me, ‘what’s the father’s name? what’s the father’s name?!’…..

and

i didn’t see it. i didn’t see the father’s name! and at that moment, i woke up. and thinking what the heck was that dream all about??! and was disappointed i couldn’t see who this mysterious husband was!!

lord, this is embarassing.
but hey, it’s about dreams nowadays, huh?
(ni baca suli nyer blog ah ni, kan dah ter-ilham nak tulis pasal benda ni, but yeah, the colleague’s ‘fault’ also for dreaming about me~) 🙂

ps: was in BH today. i have to be a good trainer. i need to, now.

let’s have a ‘look’ at my oh-so-cozy and not so girlish abode.

at this moment it’s so unfit to be called a ladies room. books everywhere. all kinds of bags, belonging to three very different ladies, lying around. dressing table : horrendous. soft toys, bears, dolls : uncared for. waredrobe? let’s keep THAT a secret. i’ve taken the habit of taking off my specs before going to my room, for the very reason, that if i have them on, i will CLEARLY see every single mis-detail and realise the chaoticness of the room! now if i don’t put on my specs, i don’t see the details!

now, don’t get me, or us, wrong. we are very particular with our things. the three of (me and my sisters) have somewhat a corner of our own for our belongings. and we seriously don’t like the mess at all!!

but the whole week have been particularly hectic. me with my job and my running around to meetings. and if you recall, i DO NOT have a whole day off, not even on weekends. i go off at 7 am, i’m home at 7 pm, or much later. and then still continue doing things. and at the same time keeping an eye on the kitchen (very important place not to be dirtied), do whatever needed to avoid the shouts. haha.

and Siti is busy busy busy with floorball. and Nuri is busy busy busy with NPCC.

we are so going to clean up our room on chinese new year break! we cannot stand it anymore!!

oh by the way, i’ve been reading Karen Armstrong’s Islam : A Short History. and i recalled vaguely of a claim which said that the book is a Shi’i book or something. i really don’t know where i got that from, i just remember the gist of it, but not sure who said it or where i found it. but that’s beside the point.

i agree the book do mention Shi’i quite a lot. really. and i’m starting to believe that maybe armstrong is sympathetic towards the Shi’i or she really mean to write about them or whatever her reason is. but then i started to realise, how this side of history was almost untold of. i recall being taught of the history very briefly though in sirah books. i learned their doctrines but i somehow missed out on certain aspects. my knowledge on shi’ism stopped immediately after the death of saiyidina Ali r.a, well them tracing their emergence right before that. i just thought we never really know their side of the story, aren’t we? maybe i was historically ignorant, i admit that. we do have some very wide differences. we do. theologically and legally. but at the end of the day, we still believe in Allah, don’t we?

hmm, i lost it. i didn’t bother to strike a conversation with a lecturer and ask about this. too late, seri. but then, there’s still that group of ustaz-s i’m working with…

well, my thoughts keep coming back to saiyidina Ali. how he must have been thinking, or felt, when all the conflicts came up. being a young man, appointed as the caliph, only to clean up where saiyidina uthman left off. already at a troubled period. and then a group came up, claiming to champion his place as THE righful caliph, that his three predecessors shouldn’t take place. it was his right from the start. he didn’t want that. he don’t need to be elevated to such a position.

now let’s recall, ali was the Prophet’s cousin and son-in-law. he was the closest child to Rasulullah in his early years, the first muslim child. practically stood beside Rasulullah throughout his life. learning first hand from the Prophet. he stood up for the Prophet, on his so called deathbed, how brave a young man, willing to stay, knowing he was surrounded by enemies. he must have love Rasulullah all his heart. he must have been grieving still even after years the Prophet departed. what must have been his thoughts when he saw the ideal ummah built up by Rasulullah tumbling into conflicts, one after another. how must he felt, battling against the people he knew most of his life, as his family? going against the lady he respected most for being the Prophet’s wife? he didn’t want that to happen, would he? is he hurt? is he scared? worried? desperate? unable to resolve the problem when so many people are expecting him to do the right thing.

and if he was alive, and had known how his sons died. would it not break his heart terribly?

there’s many ways to prolong this melancholy. but i won’t indulge. we have taken things for granted. as a sunni, i have neglect to understand history. i might have been one sided all this way. and you call yourself a thinker?

lessons to be learnt, people.

——————————
last note:
thank you for accompanying
even though it was rather last minute
even missing out a celebration with friends
even staying late in school just because
even when not feeling that well
even when you should be rushing for your brother’s leave
heck, thank you for the map
even though i did not need it
simply because you chose to be there

too good to be true? a friend in need is a friend indeed they say.
thank you.

“….always, all ways, i wanted us to be, always, all ways, you and me….lalalala” (always all ways by lostprophets)

always, allways, your head ah!! you got stuffsss to do, and still want to sing ah??
then there’s heroes on star world. how can there be so many people with powers all over the world?? tak faham ah! ok,ok So many distractions! i got a list of things to complete before the clock strikes 12! run, lola run!

and then my fingers itching to blog, even though there’s, really, nothing much to talk about. well, blogging using my acer gemstone iiissss tempting.

my heart goes to Indonesia, losing a historical figure, the one person who has put Indonesia on the modern world map. seems like leaders of the past are truly leaving now. when mm lee commented that he had come to visit an old friend, and made a plea to the indonesians to forgive the late suharto. it was kind of touching. they were the leaders of the past and the witnessed history changing right in front of their eyes. and being politically ignorant, i have to say that just maybe, mm lee, tun mahathir and suharto shared a strong past that binded them, despite their differences. it must have felt like losing a close friend. and a sign that even their days are counted. somehow, i’m affected.

i guess am going to be rather alone tomorrow at work, most of my close colleagues are having courses outside~ what a drag~

ok seri get moving!

in fact, i’m on wireless, using this very new, fresh and off-the-shelf smell, at the comfort of my living room!! heaven~ didn’t get the chance to own one during uni years- when you’re at the peak of needing it, but that’s ok, that’s in the past. i have one now, and it really will be a great help for my work, my teaching, the projects. i’m so on the run!!!

it’s a motivation for me to complete all these projects lining up!! haha.

on sidetrack. i did not think i did well teaching this y.a class. i know i could have done better, but i guess i wasn’t prepared enough. can’t help it, some of the students are just few years younger than me. and history has never been my expertise. i couldn’t state dates, i couldn’t give them a more detailed information. it affects me because it’s making me realise how stupid i can be sometimes.

i don’t know what i know.

missing the girls.

thanks to my sister, this song is stuck to my head now….
nice music. not knowing much about this band, i just hope they are not gay.
it’s worrying how these so called ’emos’ are going gay-homo. guys falling in love with guys, and not to say the lesbians! could be worst! and they start young these people. and emos have been stereotyped as a suicidal lot.

so is it the songs which peer pressured these people to join in the in-group, it’s music and culture, even? or the song genre did no harm, but the sensationalisation of the media, MTV, concerts? does MTV play a part in this, anyway?

you know i never think about these things before, even though i listen to these songs, i never really thought of the influence or its culture. more of ‘so what’ attitude. i didn’t think it’s a harm listening to them songs. but when one of my students described himself as ’emo’, and knowing he’s vulnerable to the influences, it gets me to thinking. i wanted him to know, he can listen, but he does not have to comply all those influences, he doesn’t have to dress like them emos, he doesn’t have to talk like them. he just needs to be he. will he believe me?

presenting, Monsoon.

“……
Running through the monsoon
beyond the world
to the end of time
where the rain won’t hurt
fighting the storm
into the blue
and when i lose myself i think of you
together we’ll be running somewhere new
and nothing can hold me back from you
through the monsoon
just me and you
……”