a tub of chocolate fudge brownie after some hard work- thanks to colleague taufiq

a box of doughnuts with you, you and you~ remember???

oreo cheesecake + caramel frappucino + nice quiet ambience + one very good book

what a tub of ben&jerry’s, doughnuts and a nice oreo cheesecake can make me??

=a happy girl!!!!

and i give you this cutey mutey little boy to your imagination. how can i not be happy looking at this pic??

like a revelation
so sudden in my dreams
i know what i need to do now

and if there’s ever a heart
willing to brave through
this world of thorns
uncover this shield

i know what i need to do now
will it include you?

like a revelation so sudden in my dreams
i know what i need to do now

and if there’s ever a heart
willing to brave through
this world of thorns
uncover this shield

i know what i need to do now
will it include you?

i have no title for this post, because it was so impromptu. suddenly i feel like saying this out. i think, some of us, IIU-grads, are actually missing iiu more than we really thought. we are still in this iiu-mode, where, we miss our friends, we miss the classes, we miss the blue roofs, we miss the memories we had. i don’t know.

the thing is, i have to wake up and see the real world. i have moved on. i have to. facing the real world is so much scary. ok, challenging would be the right word. still, miss iiu.

some notes i forgot to update:

my baby Nuri is back from india! yey, someone to hug, someone to kacau at night!! she bought me this metal sculpture of an archer. sweet~

me and my little sibs went to watch enchantment yesterday. and went shopping…..for books. a book for each one of us. haha!!!

alhamdulillah, i got the chance to attend to two lectures by two scholars, which was truly inspiring and relives the thirst for knowledge in me which have been rather dormant lately.

and i found my ‘self’ again, listening to all these knowledge and i got a vision of who i want to be. i have that vision and am holding on to it. even if it would take me tens of years to be that vision, i will. even if my journey would be interrupted by certain circumstances, i will still have that vision to pursue. and i will. Insya Allah. please help me Allah in realising this dream.

the two lectures i had the fortunate opportunity to attend was a diocese and muis lecture by the Archbishop of Canterbury Dr Rowan Williams on thursday night and lecture by Prof Hussam-Eddin Farfour from Syria the whole day today. my mind’s jammed with too much information, it may take awhile to digest them all.

i loved prof farfour’s reminder on ummatan wasatan and the concept of balance in life. and i pretty much understood him mentioning something on respecting other religions, similar to dr rowan’s lecture. dr rowan’s mentioned about plurality. but that’s a christian concept, i find the term very disturbing ah. there’s pros and cons to any human ideology, it’s how we understand it which is important. do you want me to explain on plurality here? now? hmmm… maybe next time. ok. i had a hard time understanding the term during my study, it won’t help putting them down in a blog. i hope i can write on it though. Dr fareed’s advice, “if you want to write, start with a line..”

i really am grateful having the chance attending the lectures. i’m inspired. i’m alive. heh.

i have always played my mp3 songs in my ericko-san on random mode, despite having three different playlists to differentiate the noise, the emos, and the indos. but sometimes it amazes me how the songs will usually came up to suit my moods. or like when i’m thinking something, a particular song will play which just defines the right momento. its surprising, its spooky sometimes. like my ericko-san has a mind of its own, which is truly connected with my inner thoughts or something

so i was thinking of my previous post and how it was not even a lovelost, but actually a vague friendship which shouldn’t exist in the first place (never listen to friends if they’re trying to pressurise you to befriend/matcmake with someone). and what’s the point of thinking too much on it, and i shouldn’t regret that it even happened. i was thinking of what i did wrong to be treated this way, but then again, i thought, aaah what the heck. but people, remember that it’s hard for me to forgive and forget.

and then i realise that greenday’s whatshername was on!! feels like the right song, just clicked with the thoughts i was having. ericko-san is so reliable. lets make it “whatshisname” for my sake ok.

“Whatshisname”

Thought I ran into you down on the street
Then it turned out to only be a dream
I made a point to burn all of the photographs
He went away and then I took a different path
I remember the face but I can’t recall the name
Now I wonder how whatshisname has been

Seems that he disappeared without a trace
Did he ever marry old what’s her face?
I made a point to burn all of the photographs
He went away and then I took a different path
I remember the face but I can’t recall the name
Now I wonder how whatshisname has been

Remember, whatever
It seems like forever ago
Remember, whatever
It seems like forever ago
The regrets are useless
In my mind
He’s in my head
I must confess
The regrets are useless
In my mind
He’s in my head
From so long ago

(Go, Go, Go, Go..)

And in the darkest night
If my memory serves me right
I’ll never turn back time
Forgetting you, but not the time.

and as though to comfort me, there’s this other song came up right after green day’s. and always, always, this song spookily came up when one person came to peek my thoughts. why?? i don’t know. and what’s the song? i can’t possibly write it here, for i fear that if the person read this, he would surely know. and i had enough of games. Cuzzie Aili, i think you (only you) might know who am talking of. ; )

but the moral of the story, songs don’t mean anything, the randomness does not mean anything, it just makes you wonder that’s all. being philosophical, random theory is not applicable in my belief. my life is in HIS powers.

edited.

chehh, no use pondering over a stupid lovelost. like some sickened teenager. heh. why did i even let myself got carried away? the numbness is fine with me. better numb then tears. because it will be a waste of tears…for i have bigger things to worry. refer to that list i did. the things i need to do!! so now would be the best time to concentrate. and let craznoks be what they should be = craznoks. and me to be what i should be = best i am.

i thought i was there
i thought i have always been there
i thought i knew
and i still think i knew
i still believe you

teach me to forget
teach me to forgive
for by all means
there was nothing
and nothing it will be
now

p/s: fana, zaimah, i need you.

team singapore has departed for korat. after the news of 5 departed sportmen, the need to win and get as much gold seemes more important now. if just to show to them that their death is not without worth. young people, strong, having all those energy to play sports, life gone. just like the loss of one triathlon young athlete who literally dropped dead. you can never know how long you may live. truly. Allah knows.

but oh well, all the best for team singapore. not that i’m an avid sportsfan, but sometimes, you got caught the vibe, don’t you? but i wonder…. andi really wonder…what’s with the hair colour?? i noticed the silat team had their hair coloured in blonde + red + blue? and they think it’s for what? to motivate and show that they are one and so going for gold, now that silat star boy is out of the team.

but i do wonder why do they even have to colour their hair? and the coach allows it? while the chinese athletes, all glowing with glory and determination to try their best. they don’t even have to dye their hair??! so why do the malays find the need to do it? i’m not a spoilsport or anything,it’s just…i don’t see the need to colour their hair, tell everyone else around the world, these are singapore malay athletes, known for their gold medals?? no, for their hair colours~ in what way do the hair colour able to increase their strength? able to increase determination?
they don’t look like they are serious enough to win.

i just thought that they could show more determination in other ways. not hair colours…what about being seen reading do’as together, captured on the news, it would make us, me for certain, pray for their success or at least, safe journey to and fro, fathers and mothers proud that this is the silat team, going to win, for the country, for the community, for being Muslims. how’s that for colourful?? strength physically and spiritually, not just appearance.

it’s just sad. don’t anyone tell them??

call me spoilsport whatever, but it’s me.

i’m feeling unusually emotionless. i am not thinking, am not even feeling anything. just plain numb.

trainings have ended! at last. after all those running around, registration problems, food orders, forms, emails, whatever nots for the ‘smooth running’ of the trainings. there will always be the downside, people who made snide remarks. and teachers who got literally forced to go for trainings without any consent from themselves, and coming to the trainings just to find out that they had attended the same training before!! everything was chaotic. too many things in mind. but hey that’s what work is all about. haha. all i know, trainings done, and now i can concentrate on other things!!

parent-teacher meets were a disappointment. a waste of time literally. we waited for 2 hours and a half, and only a handful of parents came. for my two classes, a total of 7 parents came to collect their children’s logbook out of an expected 40 parents?? pathetic. but that too, is done!!!

yey!!!

so now i want to concentrate on three other things which needed attention to, real attention. start researching, Seri!! the neut works, primer works, teens-prep works. and i ask.
and all the books queueing up to be read haha!

and a possible date with fana and zaimah, i hope soon.

and the black parade to look forward to.

and golden compass and i am legend and enchanted, not to miss them.

and the driving e trial tests coming up.

wah, suddenly a lot of things waiting for me~ guess my december is booked!!