berjuang yang terbuang

a sajak i wrote some time ago. looking back, i was quite surprised that i could write like this. amateurish no doubt but it felt full of emotion.  i am going to continue writing..

 

dimana keadilan?

pengabdian setengah nyawa..

pengharapan untuk setia..

perjuangan dicemuh hina..

 

entah kenapa?

kebaikan dihitung kira..

kelemahan diungkit bisa..

kesetiaan hanya pada nama..

 

akan terbitkah?

ikhlas dari huluran tangan

rahmat dari titisan peluh

mawaddah dari kepenatan tubuh

 

jasa, dikenang

tabah, dicontoh

sayang, teruslah sayang

 

akan ada yang tahu

tetap ada yang rindu

a change

i’m thinking
of this change that i’m facing
no longer one and only
but at long last
having my one and only

i used to think that i’ll be alone
for the longest time
just me alone
work and family
fulfilling days with friends perhaps
and my books definitely
and without a partner in crime

but now i found myself
a man so good hearted
who cares a lot about me
that i cant bear to hurt him
and so i’m no longer alone

so now its 3 weekends away
from our vows of marriage
and i’m wondering if i’m ready
to leave a life of alone
to a life of company
to leave a life of 7 crowd
to a life of peaceful 2

i will miss my room
my mattress, my bronze fan,
my ikea side table, my bookshelf of books
i will miss my travels alone
my zen mp3 accompanying me

i will miss my sisters
their laughters and shouts
our arguments and our hugs

i will miss my brothers
their teasing and craps

i will miss my father
his silence and patience

i will miss my mother
her nags and moodswings

i will miss that all these happen
under one roof within four walls of this house

and i’m moving leaving
no more of my footsteps and my voice

but i’m moving and praying
that i can be as Khadijah r.a
a wife loyal and true
that i can serve my husband
with love and care
sincere and patient
everything for him
with all my heart

Lord, please guide me
through this change

holding on

here is me
feeling further
by the minute
terribly far
and lost

scared and unknowing
is this a fate
or is this a test

for who can deny His Will
and would me believing
in this doom fate
be a salvation of faith

i yearn for
a fulfilled heart
a fulfilled soul
a fulfilled mind

please don’t let me fall
please don’t push me away

Lord,
please let me hold on to You
please let me be amidst Your love
please let me be strong

let me be in this fear
for all i know
its a message of love

right?

taste of ink

for so long i’ve wanted a niche for my blog but never quite decided what to do about it.
it was a space for my impromptu and sudden surge of thoughts in amateur poetry.
it was a space for pictures with meaningful reflections although it didnt happen much here.
it was a space for some pseudo serious blogging.
it was a space for collections of quotes and stories i read from other sites and thought it would be useful to have it in one place, thus the purpose of this blog.

and then i knew this will be a space dedicated to my line of work.
although it was very much vague how i want it to be with, again, bits and pieces of information.
out of utter boredomness and specks of stressful brain energy, i thought this will be the place where i can actually write on my real experiences of setting up an education centre.
for the past year, it had been days and days of laments and self motivation on this career am building but without reflection.

so i think it’s about time now.

extract from taste of ink the blog

heart made of lego

i wanted to blog, but actually, i couldnt stop myself from reading The hour i first believed. i started reading the book weeks ago, but had to put it away because time doesnt allow me to and now that today, for once, i got a whole sunday and i just cant stop reading it.

there’s a number of storyline in the novel but am now at the part where the main character caeluhm’s wife was in the library when columbine high school shooting rampage happened. and then it went to how maureen the wife had to deal with the trauma,(while at the same time, caelum was mourning for his aunt’s death who practically raised him and the loss of his friend who was one of the victim of the shooting rampage)….and i had to pull myself away from the book.

just one week into 2010, first day of madrasah was better than what i expected (i had imagined worst) and although there a glitches, those are bound to happen, has there been perfectness in anything? so i’m learning. always.

like how we need to constantly be in communication with parents because one whole month of holiday and they got disoriented….i feel like we need to have newsletters now. i really think so, and with three fulltime teachers, this should be some work to do.

and if last year i experimented with group agreement, which really worked at some point, this year i’m trying out ‘trainer’s expectations’ and i hope this can create better learning experience. and i had a spiritual awakening yesterday when i shared with my students my expectations from the classes this year. it’s like a zap of light in an instance the moment i mentioned the word. it goes straight to the heart.

there’s a lot of things to improve. and plan. and decide.

it’s going to get busy definitely.

oklah, maghrib oredi…signing off.

and a whole sunday rest…i’m loving it.

tidak berani

aku tidak berani mengejar cinta
tetapi sering memendam rasa

rasa yang tidak ku pasti
dari mana asal punca

aku tidak berani mengejar cinta
kalut kalau dipeluk luka

luka yang tidak ku jangka
mungkin tiada ubatnya

aku tidak berani mengejar cinta
biar disini aku menanti setia

setia untuk diterima cinta
entah bila mungkin masanya

 

antara kaca dan permata

sekiranya kaca di depan mata, perlu tidak aku mencari permata?
sekiranya kaca mengguris luka, masih berpeluangkah aku mengejar sinar permata?

wah wah sejak bila aku jadi puitis??!!! hahaha! it just spurts out of nowhere. and thought i could note it down. must have read it somewhere, i guess?? but….i never read sajak or puisi, well i did, like years agggo~ but whatever, i was thinking of…….how much i’ve grown all this while~~~ do i?

ok i’m talking craaapp. i know, there’s nothing to say actually. life has been truly blessed since new year 2008 and much better since new year 1429. i’m craving for starbucks all of a sudden. peeps, anybody want to just chill and chitchat over starbucks?? far? zaimah? sya? kat compass kan ada starbucks~~ mary? eka???

okla, okla, i have to finish up some research. and guess what, the project which was due 2007 aka 1428 is still not finished yet!! what the!!!

by the way peeps, i’m watching the Brothers Grimm on 5 and it reminded me the night when some of us stayed overnight at a chalet and had a roaring goodtime!!! after much talking, we watched vcds, brothers grimm was one of them, at the end, i realised i was the only one who stayed awake watching it, the rest of you girls were already snoring away!!! ahah.

miss those days.