A new look to start a new life.It’s amazing how changing one’s blogskin canactually make one feel fresh and new!! I’m feeling rarely healthy and raring to face this life already. hehe

managed to find this skin, still having that grungy feel, the last skin was a grungy one, except this one with what, hibiscus…. very pretty~

and for the second time, I’m asking myself why??
the uni is going to privatised the mahallahs all over. why? to make money for the uni. why? to ensure that the services will have top class management?? why bother?? they’re just going to be the same as always. dirty toilets with bunches of witches’ hair everywhere till 3 pm in the afternoon. dusty corridors with…again…witches’ hair and poison dusts everywhere, and witches’ pointed shoes pointing in every direction. what’s the point? when even the net I’m using at this stoopid cc just gave me the nerves a few minutes ago, don’t even talk about going wireless…as the brothers love to say GO USELESS. the witches’ brooms go much faster! and they say, or let me point out, the deputy rector assured that there’ll be no increment in the mahallah fees…please please dear ustaz, let it be true. The Singaporeans can’t afford to pay more with the LESSER THAN LESS service we are getting here. Same room like the locals and we have to PAY MORE?? what’s the point? We’re not having air-cons in our rooms or refrigerators, or phone connection, or comfier beds. we have exactly the same stoopid stuffs the locals are getting and we pay much higher. what’s the point?
this material world is getting worst than ever. And I’m realising this because I’m in the top position. my word plays a role in the decisions that the other student leaders are doing. we are making it happen. Why did I put myself into all this mess?

and I’m saying that I’m doing all this for everybody’s good. That I’m happy I have the opportunity to contribute, that maybe my one last vote would ‘save’ the others. That I’m destined to do this and ALLAH has chosen me to do this because HE thinks I really can do it. because HE will be helping me all the way. And all the wonderful people around me will always be there lending their support and energy to make things happen. Becasue I’ll be meetingall those wonderful people and one day in the future when their names came out in the news, I can say ‘hey I know this guy, he’s adiputra the faruq mrc leader who really lived his name, and takes care of his fellow residents’ welfare in IIU.’ and ‘oh he’s the cool radziq src leader who faced hard times and negative remarks from the oppositions but hey he did great in stopping that privatisation.’ and ‘oh yeah that’s the shafiyyah pinky leader, wow, she’s in Wanita coverpage!!’ How nice to see all this people again when they have all gone painting their colourful lives, and I have all this memories in me. I might not know them personally, but they are the small patches of paint that colour my own life. And it’s a beautiful paint.

I thank ALLAH for giving me this chance in leading this life. I’m truly grateful for it and thus, I will whine no more. When things just go wrong, I shall stop and sit, take a deep breath, remember the glories, and pray that things will be better.

For sure there are bound to be people who always try to make my life hard, but hey, they are the black patches in my painting, but how black can they be?? Just paint on a white colour on it, thus gone with the wind, and paint in another pretty colour. And the world is happier place to live in.

So smile Seri, Smile.

I have found myself, for the past few weeks, even though with the too many things to do, I still have time to actually sit down and read up my books every night, found time to look out for infos for my many assignments.

Alhamdulillah, I guess Allah is showing me that I can do it after all, I just need to work much harder. Though at times, I still wonder, why am I doing all this??
Why am I almost volunteering or at times unconsciously willing to do all this?
Why do I take it as my responsibility to have things done??
Am I even doing the right thing? Am I saying the right words?
Are these what I really wanted to do?
I never imagined my life would be this way when I first stepped in this Uni.
What am I looking for actually??
Most of the times, I’m just taking it all without really thinking about myself, instead I’ll be thinking, will this going to happen?
What if no one said anything, are they going to do their tasks?
Why can’t people do things without being told??
Why does pointless things always occurs when I wasn’t there to guide??
And then cry as always when pointed out?? Crying means screaming for sympathy/ attention, well that’s how I was taught and brought up and thus me and my siblings don’t always cry. Not in front of people.
I’m being egoistic am I?? I’m being cruel am I?? But do they ever thought of others?? Do they actually stop and think for others instead of themselves?? Is everything hard for one? And what about other people?? Others do not have feelings then. Only one person in this whole world does?? How can actually be so self centred??
But don’t they ever think?? I don’t like listening to alasans, because of this and this, because of no time blablablabla. I’m sick of reasons!!! So very sick of it. When you can’t do it means you’re not putting your heart and soul into it and which means you’re being selfish!
I’m sick of selfish people, because I tried hard to please people. I tried hard Lord.
Please show me the right way, the burden’s too much for me.
Why did I put myself in this place? Why did I bring myself to just do it Seri, go and do it. For the sake of WHO?? For the sake of Who? For what?
Please guide me Lord, I’m just a nobody trying so hard, wanting to be learned and knowledgeable and dreams of defending the truth.
And then some people don’t seem to just care?? Don’t give me a staring look, waiting for me to say something, instead of them making the first move??
What do staring do, what difference does a missed call make? A BIG NOTHING, I tell you.
If nothing is done, means nothing is needed, and I don’t have time for this, Lord I don’t. I’m sick of everything. I’m sick of the species from MARS. May my heart made of stone??
The path I’m treading has changed, it seems longer and further for me to reach out my hand and hold on to that dream, I suddenly found myself being the leader for too many people.
But I’m just not the right person, am I?
I’ve never dreamt about this….but I’m reminded of a comment a teacher of mine gave when I was only in primary 2, “..having leadership qualities…” What is leadership? What did I do to make you say that? Why is that foreseen many years ago?

YOU have helped me again and again. Thank YOU. And I’m praying again that you will still lead me and guide me. Please take care of my family, because amidst all these worldly matters, I’m afraid that I might forget them. I take it for granted that you will always protect them. I’m fortunate to have a supportive mother and a calm father all the way since day one I’ve been here. I will not fail them. I have some very great friends that I trusted though some may fall along the way. We are all victims of events.

So help me Lord.

For the first time ever, I’m wearing skirt to class!!! And I got through it without being clumsy, haha! it’s pretty comfortable and none looked or stared at me like I’m some kind of a funny looking babe.

So I’m officially wearing skirts from today!

The very day that I want to actually make myself feel chic and sweet and glaring in my red dress, is the very day that I embarrassed myself!

Well, I’m wearing red because we are to celebrate the national day, and having to be in campus the whole day, I wore it for classes, So I was late my Pop Soc class, and was hurrying….when I got to class, but stopped short while opening the door, because I saw that there was more brothers than usual, granted I couldn’t really recognize the people in there because the light was dim, they were using the projector…but all eyes were on me, me in RED, I actually wanted to go in the class and took a seat when I realised that the lecturer was a different lady…and then I realized I was going to go to the wrong class!!!

It all happened within seconds but I felt like more than five minutes passed by. I can only pray the people from the wrong class did not recognize me.

Just when I’m feeling pretty, I go dumb~ hahaha

It’s the 41st National Day for Singapore!!!
‘Our Global City Our Home’
and I’m away from home AGAIN….no parades, no fireworks, no rally by the PM…. no family here beside me..except for the Singaporeans here in IIUM, we celebrated together last night, with songs and a cake, tazkirah by Haron and an applaudable sketch performance by the brothers. That more or less lightened the heart, being with Singaporeans on National Day at a place we call Home away from Home.

Honestly, last year’s celebration was much better and I’m rather disappointed that we couldn’t live up to the expectations of last year’s celebration. Now I’m pointing out the downsides, and the one that most broke my heart was the Multimedia Part II…it was very nicely done, very nice indeed, only the pictures spoilt the beauty and what’s making me IRRITATED, couldn’t they have the mind to think that some of the pictures are just POINTLESS to be added in the clip!!! Does everything HAVE TO BE TOLD?? I really am pissed off and why wasn’t I there to guide them???? Must I be there to guide? For a Uni student, I thought one would have the mind to be LOGICAL and RATIONAL and SENSITIVE enough to think what’s suitable and what’s not.. I’m just..what the…???!! Ok, I’m really getting angry. It does not only embarrassed the people featured in the pictures, but it actually brought shame to the exco-s! Meaning, now people really do think ASSIIUM excos are a bunch of unprogressive, too much fun lot! Can’t they think about all these?? It’s just pointless. the multimedia brought all the fun down!!! And I heard one or two excos actually cried because of this, and others just don’t seem to care. I couldn’t sleep last night myself thinking about the whole event, how am I going to talk about this during the post mortem, to talk with wisdom and diplomacy, how am I going to face the comments thrown at us?? I’m just torn… being the vice president, I hold ASSIIUM with ALL my heart, and it hurts that maybe some just don’t have the same sentiment as me. It hurts.

and I sacrificed MRC’s meeting with the SRC, [read: SRC’s PRESIDENT] 😉 for the sake of my countrymates, I actually wished I had gone to the meeting rather than watch all those hurting unnecessary mistake!!! But NO that would be escapism, and I’m not that kind of person.

Still, HAPPY NATIONAL DAY, SINGAPORE.

The most ‘exciting’ thing happened to me today….which is..my thumbdrive had to be formatted!!! ie every single thing which was nicely and neatly saved in it GONE GONE GONE. I do not know what caused it, I don’t know which pc did it, but everything gone after it was formatted. Thank you to the abangs at RK lab, for reformatting my thumbdrive, but still EVERYTHING GONE. Some pics, mrc infos and assiium infos, and past assignments. And thankfully I had not started on any of my assignments, you know typed it out and saved them like I always do, having NO LAPTOP of my own, I have NIL back up… and thus, there was actually hikmah that I had not started on any…..because imagined if I had waited for a PC at the always full lab, typed out an assignment furiously, happily saving it….and imagine I was going to print them out at the lab and finding out it had to be formatted and the sacrifice of everything else to be deleted, along with the just typed out assignment????!!!!
ffuuhhh…the climax of that??? I’m thankful it’s just an imagination, I wouldn’t know what will happen, na’udzubillah, maybe I’d faint right there and then.

So even though I’m crushed that everything else had to be deleted, at least no assignments was done yet. Thank ALLAH.

on a last note: to my cousin Aili, it’s good knowing you’re going back to Singapore. so GO HOME, the family-therapy is always the best remedy. Hoping to see your real smile next week. love you lots.

I have tons of things to do. My assignments, the individual ones and the group ones, presentations and mid terms just around the corner and the readings that I have to catch up. I’m just about collapse. Just last Thursday, I burnt all my classes just because I did not have the energy to actually got out of bed, and couldn’t sleep the whole night thinking too much. The stoopid MRC and the people in it. And ASSIIUM with the wonderful people in it, honestly, ASSIIUM gives much brighter and better feeling than MRC at the moment. But I hope that will change, MRC I mean, I hope it will get better, now that I’m working with new faces, I’ll be more or less just an advisor. Let them do the work. Seriously NO TIME TO WASTE.

I want to talk about the seminar that I attended last weekend in Singapore, but not in the mood at the mo. I’ll live that for later.

PCguy is in my research class. I don’t know whether that’s a happy thing or otherwise.

And thus the song Lost in Space dedicated to the one person, who’s unknown but every short message sent to me from thee, never fails to bring a smile. Thank you for giving a light of hope, at least, in this world of non-heartie guys…Might there be hope and faith, rezza.