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Back in UIA for good after a one week break. There was Hari Raya Haji last Friday and nothing much really since the whole family ddin’t go out.I mean where to, anyway? Both of my grandparents were faith departed. When they were still here, we used to just visit them and stayed at their house for the whole day. Like morning till afternoon at my mother’s side and the next half of the day till night at my father’s side. And we would have fun because all the cousins would be there too sometimes. Whatever it is, going to grandparents’ houses always seemed fun. Those were the days. So I spent the whole day at home, reading my school books and tending to a headache and pms.

My little sister Nuri was sick and suspected of dengue fever and we are quite worried about it. She’s never been sick before. Hope she’ll get better soon. She got mc for a week already.

And how can I forget!!! My cousin is married last Saturday!! The first in my family for our generation… history…but not such a sweet one for them…it’s all hard work for her and her husband…whatever..all the best for them. Hope they will last forever like our predecessors. I just hope when my time comes, it’ll be a much better event and with a much nicer guy.Not just nicer but the best~

Return here (IIUM) this morning at 5am. Couldn’t really sleep for the whole journey. It was so cold I could feel it in my bones and I was actually shivering halfway through. Immediately when I reached my room, I had to cover myself with my comforter, because the cold’s still there!! My blood’s almost frozen I think!!!

Ok, my fault I didn’t bring any sweater~

As the title stated: Monday blue booster….well there’s this guy in a morning class who is cute and seriously smart…seeing him every monday morning always makes me smile so I’m grateful to him for making me start my day and the week in a nice way~ He is really cute…

It’s a one week break and I really needed it. One month away from home and I’m feeling real homesick…whatabout people who are far away for like a year?? Ok, I’m grateful that at least I get to be home once a month… Ok this one week break is cool but I HAVE TO STUDY!! Can’t escape from it huh!

Been spending the first few days at home watching tv. And there’s the new addition in the family – little snowy white cutie pie sweetheart Wyte. Everyday is a new day for it and there’s always cute funny stories about it! It has bring laughter to my house and everybody loves it. God knows why!!

Don’t say I’m boring or whatever for not going out! I did! Oklah….only to Tampines Mall, Compass Point and Hougang Mall. Don’t blame me, blame the laziness and I’m not in the mood to be in a crowd. Just last Monday went to Tampines Mall, and of course the place is swarmed with people, I got a serious headache later that day. Maybe it’s been awhile since I actually go out..And even then, I haven’t call my friends that I’m back!! And as of now, I have three more days left of the break.

And as always, somethings just don’t disappear or vanish or eliminated. Somethings just stays and even though tears have I cried, things just don’t go…and they say crying will let it all out!!! And it’s actually stupid of me to cry..I know that very well but it’s just there and it’s a sign of my weakness which is…… I don’t know, plain stupidity, crying for ‘nothing’.

Of all things that I forgot to write about – The Opening Ceremony of ICE WEEK ’05, which I was a part of the organizing team. It was on Monday night..The whole event went smoothly but a whole lot of disappointment because no one from the public was present!!! Only the ICE WEEK people and the exco members!!! And a few friends. Still, I am proud of it all! It’s our hard work…even though some things I did will be left unseen and unknown..it’s all in the name of knowledge…so who cares.

The Dean was present and he was the most sweetest person I’ve ever encounter…he praised us for the hard work and the brilliance of the whole programme..that we are the chosen people and he encouraged to us to continue with this new resolution of leadin the ummah. I am so touched by his speech…there’s not a single sarcastic comment from him or any other VIPs who actually ‘wasted’ their time to attend our programme. I am very grateful to them.

And there’s a motivational talk by our lecturer, Mdm Haslina which was interesting..she has always been a source of motivation for me…even in her class so I enjoyed her talk of Jihad and comprehensive excellence..planning and striving to achieve our aim, spiritual strength…a lot of things I couldn’t mention word by word. It’s all save in mind and heart.

Overall, the event went well…but one sad outcome…I’ve sworn to Allah, and Ratu as my witness, never am I going to be in an organizing team when some unsaid people are in it. It’s bound to be hay wire, things will go wrong and I will be blamed even though I was never a part of it! Here I was trying to console one person and at the same time, putting up appearances for the other party and having nothing to do with all those stupid feelings and in the end, I got involved, people accused me of some other thing when I never said anything and then I’m the one being hard to forgive and forget of these untrue things. I’ve had enough! I’m going to disappear from these people. I don’t want to get tangled up with people’s sensitivity. I’m sensitive enough, hearing one people’s problems, and I got the blame. Shit. Enough. It’s all for the sake of knowledge.

I’m going through this special phase of my life where things start to get real and logic and complex matters seem to be more sensible and common sense. I don’t know, everyday, there is bound to be one lecturer or senior or some other fine people unconsciously giving answers to my unspoken questions. Everyday there is bound to be one event or happening that will give me inspiration to move on and guiding me to my real purpose…like seeing the whole picture bit by bit…almost like finding pieces to a jigsaw puzzle of life and along the way, comprehensing every thoughts and feelings. And be more acceptable but continuing to strive for an answer. I thank Allah for this guidance He shows me. Though I may not remember every said words but the essence or elements of every message will be forever in mind and heart.

Uni life is certainly the life to seek for every sort of knowledge. Too much of it…I feel like there’s not enough time. I’m loving it. 🙂

Anyway, got to watch Charmed’s 7th season’s first episode…for a mere 15 minutes because tv room is conquered by, of course, the local people and I don’t know what is so interesting about some campus drama which talks of nothing but relationship…Ok it’s unfair of me to say that but still… Missing Charmed so much…I never missed any episodes of it before but since I’ve been studying here, I’ve lost so many of their episodes!!! The only entertainment that I LOVE!!! I’m goingh to look for any vcds of it!!

And two more days left before I get to go home!!! Seriously I can’t wait and real excited about it because it’s been more than a month now. A record for me!

I’d spent the weekends in a so-called Ibadah Camp when it’s nothing much other than more motivational talks and the only interesting about it was learning how to shroud the dead (Kafan jenazah). It was…boring and terribly unsystematic.. I don’t know who was the more uncivilised, the organizer or the participants.

Saturday…..

5.00pm – Registration(a calm and quiet affair since everyone else was late)The camp was held at the mosque.

6.15pm – A talk by some Law lecturer on Muhasabah

7.20pm – Maghrib

7.45pm – Dinner (which was tasteless and cold…and the worst thing was being pushed by some uncivilised ‘women’ whom I don’t know what they are rushing for!!)

8.30pm – Isya’

8.45pm – Another talk by an IRK lecturer on how to motivate oneself and the things to take care of such as Taqwa, Knowledge, Amanah, Mission and Vision…ok this talk was much more ok than the first one.

10.00pm – Supper (which was another barbaric affair. Hot tea pilled onto Qadar’s bag and dress…I didn’t dare took any drinks or food because the place was dark, you couldn’t see anyone’s face within two metres away and the pushing around was scary)

10.30pm – Went back to the comfort of my room.

Actually we had to sleep at the mosque but what the heck~ Everyone went home….

Sunday….

5.00am – Qiyamullail which was nice and tranquil. I enjoyed it but the there’s pathetically no brothers at all performing it. There’s quite an encouraging number of sisters.

6.00am – Subh (and right after that…sisters were all swarming and noisy busy talking of what nonsense)

7.00am – Exercise, which was rather stupid and I don’t participate at all. And we were not rebels without a cause. The thing was…we had to queue for the breakfast and to get our attendance card stamped…so me and my friends queued all the way and just when it was near our turn,the sister said that they coudn’t give a stamp…only after breakfast!!! What the….??!!And the rest of the sisters got their stamp!! What unfairness!! We argued with the sister there and we rebelled.

Again for breakfast…a pack of ‘female wolves’…

8.00am – Talk on how to shroud the dead. Interesting enough but I was sleepy for the first few minutes. Real sleepy I couldn’t open my eyes!

11.00am – Our practical which I lead…yes I lead and of course a few other helpers and a ‘dead’ body. And I think we did well. It was fun…

12.30pm -THE END!!!! Lunch was tasteless.

And now I’m just back from Wangsa Maju bought some nice food for myself!! Food refuge!!

Tonight I’m having rehearsal for an Opening Ceremony of ICE Week 05. All the best to us!!

Well, well, well…The week has been a busy week for me. First of all, I got two tests!! And I’ve completed them!! It is an achievement since having to study amidst the business that I’m facing and the lack of sleep I’m experiencing. Yesterday had a Study of Quran test which was quite easy. I don’t know why and how but I think it’s easy but I don’t think I can get good marks for that, at least a pass for it. Than today had an Islamic Ethics test which I almost didn’t go for because I was not really prepared for it. But I got through it. Alhamdulillah and I got to write some relevant points for them…but still, no guarantees of getting high marks. The good thing is that we are allowed to take another test in February and even get to choose the higher marks between the two and take it as carry marks in the finals. Good lecturers they are. Allah bless them!!

And at the moment, I am very busy being one of the organizing team for an event…Opening Ceremony and Motivational Talk as a sub-programme for an even bigger event known as ICE Week – Intelligence, Commitment and Excellence Week. Even though I am just a treasurer for the programme, but I still had to do some little help for the secretary (Qadar), who is obviously loaded with letters and speeches!! And sometimes, people unconsciously scolded us for not doing any jobs when they don’t know that the real problem doesn’t lies with us, but with the people we are inviting and they are not just people, but of the higher ranks, the dean, deputy dean, lecturers and we have to follow their time…It’s not their fault of course…but sometimes, people just don’t want to understand, they expect things to be done, raised voices heartlessly and of course, they can act like that because they are the ‘authority’. The thing is they rush us when they give us the job at the last minute. Sometimes, it’s shit…..I don’t want to talk anymore….things like miscommunications and hard feelings are better left unsaid. I’ll just take them as the course of life….in the end, after everything is said and done, people forget and get on with life. This is only university life, not yet the real world.

Anyway, these are just minute things compared to the hardships victims of the Tsunami had to face…so let me be grateful with this stupid problems.

My cousin, Aili, was really sick yesterday and I squeezed my time to accompany her to the uni clinic, which had attitude problem doctors. I can’t believe they are doctors when they don’t have the ethics of one. Getting snappy at patients and rude to foreigners like as though we are stupid people and is more willing to left a person dying rather than miss his lunch. What the…!!! Aili was damn weak and had to face these rude people, and it’s not her fault for breaking down. Anyway, her body was hot and she’s shivering, by midnight, she’s not recovering so a senior, Kak Y sent her to the clinic again and I was grateful it was her, because she can talk back to the rude doctors. Her condition was really bad last night that I broke down myself, not knowing what to do other than giving her medicines and sponging her through the night. My mother called and she instructed me to do what’s best. Anyway, my friends are cool and they helped along. So I’m not alone. Special thanks to Qadar and Shasha and Kak Y. Alhmadulillah Aili is much better today. I slept late last night, almost at 3 am. But I’m ok with it, and I woke at around 10 am this morning. Thank God, I had no Studies of Religion class and I burned my Arabic class because had to meet the dean, but eventually Qadar did it with kak Laila. But time not wasted, I got to read a little for my Ethics test.

And now, I’m at the lab, trying to relax and destress. My mind is really preoccupied and I don’t have any appetite to eat. I persuaded Miza to watch vcd tonight, after a meeting, just to let loose and she’s ok with it. I can’t wait!!!

With this, I’m ending this entry with a sad short note that someone has not reply to my message. Is someone angry by his balnk message and giving up already? I know it’s not…guess he’s trying to find the right time and day and retype the whole thing…maybe he’s still busy with his exams. Doesn’t matter. Take your time. I have a lot of other things to do myself. So long….

2 Days into the new year!! Well, I’ve spent the weekend alone since most people went back to Singapore. I don’t mind actually and alhamdulillah I got to spend the days reading for my tests. And for once, I didn’t waste my time that much!! So now, I’m taking a little break going online after two days ‘meditating’ in my room….ok, that’s exaggerating, I slept more yesterday…so today I spent more on reading…but really, I think I’ve never read as much as I had accomplished in these two days. I’m just hoping that everything I’ve read is kept inside my mind and heart!

Anyway, at the same time, browsing friendster and seeing so many kinds of people and suddenly finding out some things for a laugh!!! Well, someone did send a message but it’s obvious length of having so many things to say in one message had caused the whole thing to come out blank!!! Poor him! And this is already the second time!! Just his luck…maybe friendster is testing his patience! haha As for me, I really am looking forward for news from him and it’s testing my patience too! What’s important was that, he read that birthday wish and happy about it..that’s all matters.

I’ll be spending this weekend rather alone, since most of the Singaporean students have return home for the new year, I can’t because I have two mid term exam snext week, and I can’t afford to waste time. Well, my Ratu and Romo are ok with it. I’m quite sad that I couldn’t go home but it’s a sacrifice….

Anyway, today is the last day of the year and 2005 tomorrow!! Time do pass by fast. It really is and so many things had happened in this 2004, for me personally… Hapy things and sad things…Well, I’m not going to go all the way and recall the things that had happened. All I can say is I have learnt a lot this year, not just academically but also emotionally and spiritually. Overall I’m happy with the year and I hope 2005 will bring more hope and achievements.

The world is devastated by the Tsunami which happened last Sunday, caused by an earthquake in Sumatera and claiming lives, thousands of lives in the Asian region countries and even Africa. Most badly hit was Sri Lanka, Banda Aceh and Thailand. It’s a terribly scary disaster. Everyday, I read the newspaper and was deeply affected by the stories of victims and survivors. Pictures of dead bodies, bloated and rigid swept by the huge waves, bodies dumped like garbage and unclaimed. It was terrible. Babies and children dead and lost. These are all the might of Allah and there is something to be learnt from it.

Copied from ChannelNewsasia:

ALL ABOUT TSUNAMIS >>

• Usually caused by a massive earthquake under the sea, tsunamis are in effect a series of travelling ocean waves which can wreak severe destruction on low lying coastal areas.

• According to US geophysicists, the earthquake that unleashed deadly tsunami waves on Asia, was so powerful, it made the earth wobble on its axis and permanently altered the regional map.

• According to one expert, it may have moved some of the smaller islands off Sumatra’s coast, by as much as 20 metres and USGS. Expert Ken Hudnut told the AFP news agency, that a 20-metre shift is considered a lot of a slip. He says the north-western tip of the Indonesian territory of Sumatra may also have shifted to the south-west by around 36 metres.

• Another expert at the National Earthquake Information Centre in Golden Colorado, said it was more likely the islands off Sumatra had risen higher out of the sea.

• Tsunami is a Japanese word that translates as “harbour wave”. It is not strictly speaking a “tidal wave” which describes the periodic movement of water associated with the rise and fall of the tides.

• Oceanographers call tsunamis seismic seawaves because they are usually caused by a sudden rise or fall of part of the earth’s crust under or near the ocean. Less powerful tsunami waves can also be triggered by volcanic activity. They are most common in the Pacific Ocean.

• A tsunami is not a single wave, but a series of waves that can travel across the ocean at speeds of more than 800 km (500 miles) an hour. In the deep ocean, hundreds of miles (km) can separate wave crests; many people have lost their lives during tsunamis after returning home thinking the waves had stopped.

• As the tsunami enters the shallows of coastlines in its path, its velocity slows but its height increases. A tsunami that is just a few centimetres or metres high from trough to crest can rear up to heights of 30 to 50 metres as it hits the shore, striking with devastating force.

• For those on shore there is little warning of a tsunami’s approach. The first indication is often a sharp swell, not unlike an ordinary storm swell.

• In 1883, a tsunami following the eruption of Krakatoa volcano between the Indonesian islands of Java and Sumatra killed 36,000. The tsunami’s passage was traced as far away as Panama.

• In July 1998, two undersea quakes measuring 7.0 created three tsunamis that killed at least 2,100 near the town of Aitape on the north coast of Papua New Guinea.

God’s will.

I was given answers since last night when I asked myself this question: Why was I deprived of sweet teenage love?? Something that will grow mature together?? Well, miracles do happen and Allah has given me answers.

First was from my Halaqah book which I never bother to read..and I was suddenly directed to read it, I had been reading my schoolbooks and was looking for something else to leisure read, and my hand took this halaqah book, so I started to flip through when there’s an article by someone about dating…The thing I had imagined myself going out with someone and here is an article saying that I don’t have to worry for being undated, I won’t be losing any coolness just to be in the crowd where everyone has someone, seriously it has to be fortunate that I don’t have to be fooling myself, soothing myself just to feel better when knowing that it’s not right to date when all it does is more physical attraction and emotional bondage to someone whom I might not end up with for the rest of my life. It’s a fortunate thing that I don’t have to face any hurt, rejection, depression and whatnots in the dating game. And that Allah has keep a special one just right for me, so I don’y have to worry. That special person will come.

Second was a twenty minutes lecture from my Sociologist’s lecturer. She actually wasted a whole 20 minutes talking about boy-girl relationships in this uni who is supposed to be upstanding islamic values. She was disgusted with the students she saw who might be an item. She’s not saying us to avoid relationships whatsoever, she just wanted us to be more aware of who we are, where we are, and what values we uphold. It’s all peer pressure and suddenly things like dating become permissible just because everyone is doing it. So where is the islamic???

As for me, it’s not like I don’t want to date at all, but I’m still searching for myself, the values that I hold, the person that I want me to be…the dreams that I want to fulfill, the knowledge that I want to acquire. And it’s not like I have the looks or the body to think too much of ever attracting a significant other. Allah has save me from committing wrongdoings in my teenage life, thank You Allah. And I know there is that special someone out there, who will eventually find me, the only guy who is just right for me and me for him. Would it be him?? I don’t know, only time will tell…..But I guess for now, I want to concentrate on my studies and my dreams. If he is the one, he will be. If he isn’t, then let me be strong. I have to know that this future guy is the best guy of all. So help me God.