journaling

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i am so going to start journaling! something like how i used to write diaries. actually its the same thing. i am already an avid planner and my days depended on it, although it had been truly focused on work. i forget that i have to plan for my self. not just my work. and the kikki.k planner that i am using now are honestly just filled up with work stuff there is no room for my personal aims and goals and things that i want to do with my life apart from work.

i do not want my life to be all about work or i can go crazy/depressed about it. now that i have my work life a bit sorted out and improving by the day, in terms of priorities and all, i need to sort my life life. i truly have been neglecting it.

and journaling is not just about a plan or a daily timetable, but its also about reflections, about hopes and rants, about happiness and sadness, and if i always say life is a journey of learning, well i want to materialise that in my journaling. and if my blog have a category of ‘maybe memories’ than i want to make memories and cherish them, especially for the people and family around me.

life has been quite straightforward and its just home-work-home, i want to appreciate people and cherish them. and i think journaling can help me to do that. well, even journaling needs to be made time.

but its a good start and i will not let work be a hindrance to what i want to achieve and able to do.

i want to stop nagging to myself, i want to stop complaining and i want to stop being angry at every thing. and if its true 2018 is the year, that i will make the two years that i need to face now, fulfilling and make a mark for myself.

because i have been hearing this quote many times from my fave series Once Upon A Time: “The only thing stopping you from your happiness is…yourself.”

i guess it’s true there.

learn and relearn

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i think i can do a lot of things.

  • sewing
  • scrapbook – guestbooks/bookmarks/cards
  • blogging
  • write articles
  • creative writing

and i want to do or learn more things.

  • photography
  • photoshop
  • designing
  • cooking/baking
  • calligraphy
  • flower arrangements
  • journaling
  • book reviewing
  • tahfiz Qur’an
  • crafts
  • brooch making

i used to know/do

  • crochet
  • play the guitar
  • origami
  • beads jewelry

i have tried making

  • felt bookmarks
  • pin cushioned frames

now that i think about it, i am surprised and grateful that my parents allow me to do or learn all these crafts and i enjoyed doing them. i don’t know why i stop. especially crochet.

there are so many potential and interesting hobbies i could do and pursue, even relearn some of them.

and i must not say that i don’t have the time. i must make time. but i also need to make sure the skills i learnt are made to good use. beneficial at least to other people. tangible useful stuffs.

need some serious mind exercise and effort to really do this.

off the page

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Off the PageOff the Page by Jodi Picoult
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

it was a bit too YA for me and for awhile i dreaded reading through the lamentations of love and uncertainty that happened between delilah and oliver as teenage lovers.

From where we left off in Between The Lines, Oliver safe off the page and Delilah living her dream life of having a high school prince lover. all those teenage love rivalry and frustration is there although we have a happily ever after idea all along.

so things go well for a bit until Edgar, the human boy who is now living in the fairy tale have some leadership issues and his mother the author of the book apparently dying from cancer. some switches happen along the way including Delilah’s best friend Jules got into the book.

however, i felt there are some unfairness in the way that since Jules is quite a major character here, falling in love with Edgar, i thought she should be given the right to share her point of view, as a protagonist. and i did wonder how this whole switch-human-book character going to turn out, because i am no longer on Delilah’s side of hoping she can get her happy ending. i wonder what is going to happen to Jules? is it not unfair now to let Jules go through what Delilah went through? of course it also shows great friendship from Jules to ‘sacrifice’ leaving with Edgar inside the book now. i just felt we totally left Jules out just to give a happy ending for Delilah and Oliver, sounds a bit tad selfish.

also the two months after portion is really just to give people like me a ‘it’s ok everything is fine, don’t think too much’ haha.

i still feel Jules must have a say for herself.

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what i appreciate from this book are some quotes that quite touch the heart.

“What would you do if you only had one day left in this world? Spend it with the people you love? Travel to the far corners of the earth to see as many wonders as possible? eat nothing but chocolate?
Would you apologize for all your mistakes? Would you stand up to those you’d never had the courage to face? Would you tell your secret crush that you loved him or her?
Why is it that we wait till the last minute to do the things we should be doing all along?”

“Everyone has a story…What you do, what you say, how you carry the plot, just might leave a mark on someone. Because that’s what stories do. They help you escape and they give you the chance to do things you never imagined you would or could.”

“…she somehow is able to create a story that is exactly what the reader needs at the moment she is reading. what one person takes away from a book might be different from what the next person takes away – almost as if the story is altered depending on who’s reading, where and when…..the real question is who’s doing the changing: the story, or the reader”

point on.

time alone

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i know. I’ve been repeating a lot about how much i need to recuperate as an introvert. i really did. it is important to me that i have this alone time because otherwise i really could not function.

i will not be able to be productive and efficient at work. i cannot move forward. i cannot make decisions and my mind is just floating somewhere up there unsure of how or where to move. i lost appetite. i drink sweet drinks like an alcoholic and risk my whole body itching, already I’m having scars on my legs. and worst is, my spiritual obligations are challenged, which i cannot let that happen. i know the symptoms already. i need to recharge and revalue my self.

and i have to say i have been ignoring my self care since all the visits i have been receiving and having guests, continuing to do work and of course the major korban event at the mosque and then the bbq, its just too much socialising, i honestly have not spared a thought for myself. so last sunday, honestly, my mind just have what i would say a mental shutdown. for a first time in my life, my work life actually, i just said to myself, i have had it i am not going to work today and i don’t care if I’m breaking any rules because i think i will be more wasted if i really dragged myself to work. i will end up doing nothing and just staring at my laptop, unable to do any work done. i just did.

of course, my rationale would be i came back to work during my off day some days ago. if you don’t seem to understand why i am working on a sunday, its ok, long story.

i am on a three days leave now since yesterday thursday. i got to do my own things, do some alterations to my dresses. sewing is so much hard work but i love the sound of the sewing machine. and the fact that i can sew in straight lines now is a huge achievement. its almost like a therapy too.

cooped up in my condo today with lovely hubby who also needed the time off from work cause he’s been deadly busy. although he is on call and ready to be at his work corner anytime he’s called up, which is about now.

i love this room. i really am. surrounded by my books and seated at my wooden desk. i feel inspired already. i need to update my libib and probably start planning on free library corner ideas I’ve been having lingering in my mind.

grateful for this chance to recuperate. wholly.

colorless tsukuru tazaki

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Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of PilgrimageColorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage by Haruki Murakami
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

very haruki to leave us in the dark of whether sara accepted tazaki or otherwise. i am devastated by that fact that i have no answer to the ending when i was looking forward to it so much.

it was about tsukuru tazaki, colourless only because his name does not have ‘colours’ in him, whereby, in high school he was part of a close knit group of five friends. however, he was struck off from this group with just one phonecall and with no explanation whatsoever. hurt and depressed, tsukuru thought of death at the same time, living his life monotonously, albeit successfully achieving his dream of working at train stations. Years of pilgrimage probably refers to his 16 years of enduring this hurt. When he met Sara, on the verge of going deeper into the relationship, she suggested on finding his friends and requested tsukuru to find out what really happened between him and his friends.

he took up her suggestion and returned back to his hometown, meeting with two of his guy friends, taking a ‘virgin’ trip to finland to meet with one of the girl friends. unfortunately the fourth member of the group passed away many years ago and the story now diverge to revolve around the fourth member. tsukuru probably understood only half the reason of why they ditched him because eventually, the dead holds the answer. the good thing about his meetings then was to finally understand it is not entirely his fault that he was left out. perhaps that brings to him a new positive realisation to face his own demons.

however, somehow i am able to relate to tazaki a lot more. i understood perfectly how he felt of being ‘rejected’ by a group of close friends. of the pain he went through to kind of understand what really happened and how he felt he is the victim. and then toughened up to be independent of friends and relationships.

i could never imagined that the book is actually about friendships, lost and found, of finding questions unanswered, of loneliness, of forgiveness when not given and in search of an understanding when wronged.

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of course i was able to relate to tsukuru. i understood very well about being left out without any particular reason just like that. i so understood that. i also understood the journey of emotions he had just to digest what actually happened and finally became immune to it and learn to live with it but perhaps became a deep-rooted feeling he had to finally face up straight in order to come clean.

i also understood the ‘need’ to reconnect with friends when in your thirties. because now that i am in my thirties, i felt i should find back some of my friends i’ve lost and what do i know, i managed to, this year especially. i was able to reconcile with two friends i missed so much. and i am so happy and actually surprised that i did. i am never going to let them go. although the story also told of no matter how close you were once, there exist a spot of awkwardness when you meet your friends again for the first time after years of disconnect.

i also understood the feeling of loss and loneliness. of being alone in a crowd.

and i finally realise haruki’s style of writing. he will always have philosophy thrown in and some cool classics piece that his characters are obsessed with (and in turn makes me want to listen to these pieces) and there is a tendency of his characters having to deal with emotions and intuition and some spiritual, in the midst of straightforward human nature and responses.

i guess that’s what makes me enjoy reading his books, regardless of poor ratings.

too much company

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i didn’t realise that september will be such a socialitas month for me.

5-8 Sept
KL trip with colleagues

9 Sept
Armoured Petals as special guests at PV. not yet fully rested from the KL trip but somehow i was energised by the thought of them finally coming down. i actually cooked lunch, although may not be the most sumptuous spread, but it felt nice to cook for guests. perhaps more practice will turn me into a domestic goddess, haha.
never had a passion for cooking but can start some time.

(having your own kitchen, kind of bring the womanly instinct to cook in me)

11 Sept
and yes, just two days after that, i receive the Babes for dinner. what is more special, to me, is the presence of one friend though. Amallia. whom i have not met for, maybe, 10 years? i am so so glad that she finally wants to join us.

(i am lucky this year, that two schoolmates i have missed so much and i remember perfectly i tweeted about them that i hoped to meet them one day, and what do i know, i am finally reunited with them.)

12 Sept
a teachers’ day gathering at the function room. a small meaningful lunch with the grace of both the chairman and vice chairman. already slept so late because the dinner with the Babes was till about 11pm coz we were also excited about the general elections going on. by the time i cleaned up it was about 1am.
woke up for Subuh and stayed all the way coz i still had some more gifts to wrap. and setting up the function room. i am forever grateful that husband was always willing to help me.

by Sunday, i just want to coop up and spend some quiet time with my husband.

well. it takes a lot for an introvert like me to really be all out to receive guests and serve. a lot. nevertheless, i have to say i pretty enjoyed it and i like having people around. it really is a housewarming. just need a bit more practice in entertaining people.
dread the cleaning up though, but it still brings satisfaction to know that this is my home and i am doing all this in the comfort of my own home.

❤

a tale of time being

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A Tale for the Time BeingA Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

i love the book. so many elements seemingly effortlessly intertwined into a beautiful story. there’s philosophy, there’s spiritual, there’s geography sciences, there’s psychology, there’s quantum physics, there’s relationships, bullying issue, and social media abuse. i mean, i feel so pleasantly overwhelmed by the many new information i am learning from a book.

here is another book that gives me a hangover when i reached the end of the story. it’s euphoric.

this is my first ruth ozeki’s and i am looking forward to reading more from her.

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staycation at last

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i have to mention that i am truly having a staycation. in the comforts of my own home.

i am grateful for this home and a temporary heaven on earth.

i love the breeze and windy-ness, the leaves and trees brushing along with the wind making hushes and the man made small waterfall by the pool, the sound of water rushing down, gives this pretty home a resort feel. and when i was sitting at the swing in my balcony, reading….it’s almost perfect. alhamdulillah.

and now sitting in my reading room, on my writing desk. i just had a nice hour writing journals and goals overlooking my balcony and looking at the leaves and trees. it’s so inspiring and motivating and feel like my mind is full of ideas just waiting to be flowed in ink and paper.

i feel i could almost understand what rejuvenate oneself really means and i feel rested. except now i feel like i want to go out and enjoy the nice day and feel the sun on my face. just, don’t know where to go where there’s less crowd.

but I’m truly enjoying my vacation 😉
truly, home is where the heart is.

the taste of ink

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IMG_8473 i love blogging. no doubt about it. nowadays though, i find writing makes more impact. and i mean, physically manually writing with pen and paper.

i am back to writing journals. i feel its a legacy almost. i also just realised, without me consciously doing it, i have journals for different specific purpose. travel journal, cooking/recipes notebook, and just recently, the desire to write about my life my family. even though if my life is not even half as exciting as other people could be, every family has their own story and i feel someone should write it down.

and what do i know, my father requested that i checked the store and eventually found a whole big box of stuffs from my past, and yes, including some diaries from my teenage years. i thought i threw away those books already?! took one out and laughed my heart out reading what i wrote back in 1997.

and then i picked up Ruth Ozeki’s A Tale for The Time Being for this long weekend read. coincidentally, it also revolves about writing and diaries and journals. on a side note, i am loving this book to the core. maybe i have a thing about japanese authors.

i think writing thoughts and words down may make me more creative. i used to love writing stories and poems back them in my school exercise books. i have no idea where those ideas come from but i did. and i enjoyed writing them.

yes, i am excited to write again.

we are all completely beside ourselves

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We Are All Completely Beside OurselvesWe Are All Completely Beside Ourselves by Karen Joy Fowler
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I am surprised i loved reading it. the stories, although in flashbacks and such, was smooth reading. it is one of the books which makes me cry, laugh, surprised and anticipating for what is going to happen next. i love the play with words, big words. and especially appreciated the emotions put in the story. of a family lost and found. of an extraordinary love, the memories, the guilt, the uncertainty, its all very relatable to us. even though the character revolve within the story is about a sister Fern. i am surprised we could love Fern so much from Rose’s memories and desire to reunite with her brother and sister Fern.

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