canon newbie!

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20140518-221436.jpg

after contemplating and trying to save up for a canon, we received a surprise by getting one as a gift! i am so in love with the camera and although it was not exactly the model i was aiming for, well, its good to start somewhere! i could probably give more focus on my new found interest in photography now, and not just any social media instagram photographer. and you know what, i even have two professional photographers i am looking up to: Annie leibovitz and Peter sanders.

i will continue to save up until i can finally afford a proper dslr canon.

selfish thoughts

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i know. i am very sleepy now. i am exhausted beyond comprehension. ok that is exaggerated. but i just want to lay on this bed and read and do nothing else. i still managed to stirfry some vegetables for dinner, folded laundry and ironed a shirt but for everything else, i just had it. no one even bothers to clear the garbage. at times like this, i dont even care myself. i worked hard and tried hard. i just need some understanding and care.

seriously. no one cares.

letting the cables sleep

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i know why i am feeling this melancholic feeling. it could be due to the overwhelming things i have to complete and the many other things that are bugging my brain. so i go back to that time in the past where i was fighting with my finding who i really am. and then i start listening to songs from the past feeding the emo, so to speak. because i feel like that is where i need to be. because that was a time i believed i knew who i am. it had never changed since then. it was a matter of adjusting, adapting and finding a balance to what i really am now. i was not perfect. it was a difficult balance. and if i want to find that balance, then just maybe this job is not the right job for me because it requires me to be perfect. and i am not. never will be.

this could also be due to this biological mess of irregularities and hormonal reflexes keeps making me teary eyed at every single thing and single thought. i am back to either having that rebellious streak or that of bringing myself down. arrgghhh this constant fight. how do i tear myself away from all these? i feel like im only putting on a mask. you know i am not functioning well rationally from what i am writing now. p.e.n.a.t.

so maybe this song will help. speaking of which, where are all these bands??!

post reading

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it is a combination of what i learnt from nlp and the knowledge i gained from reading this book. i have to say, they are probably things i have learnt or heard from before, but hopefully from reading them, i am more than eager to try out all the spiritual tips shared with goal setting nlp style.

so here are what i chose to do.

1. Take care of my prayers. really take care now. more than ever. with age catching up fast and all.
2. Tahajjud and my favourite solat sunnah – solat tasbih. i admit, for the past few years, i made effort of doing them during Ramadan. difficult yes. but no more. time to make a routine of it. small steps surely.
3. Sadaqah, the power of sadaqah must not be taken lightly. i did my part but i want to do more. because truly the rezeki we received or gained is not ours and it is our responsibility to give it to those rightful over it. until then, can it be called our rezeki.
4. be grateful.

mudahnya menjemput rezeki

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Mudahnya Menjemput RezekiMudahnya Menjemput Rezeki by Fathuri Salehuddin
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I am truly surprised when i key in the title of the book here in goodreads and it is available here! a good soul must have included in. A very good book and reminds us of the simple things that we have, to be grateful for what we had worked for or received. love the spiritual tips shared and the importance of giving. after reading this, i have set for myself some goals to achieve. Insya Allah.

View all my reviews

precious two days

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the way i see it, i am beginning to see these two days off as some form of rezeki. you know how rare it is for me to have a two day straight off with me coming back to work on sundays and becoming pretty much e.v.e.r.y.w.e.e.k

i feel like at least once in a month thus far, i am able to take two days off, due to the public holidays we have been having. it has been a very busy year yes. and during these two days luxury, i had been able to spend time with husband, with family and do some me thing be it reading, blogging, cleaning up, scrapbooking or sewing.

so for today, i am finally going to be able to sit down and read up my school textbooks to revise and get down on the assignments i am due end of this month. and then move on to hectic weeks till, let me see mid of June?

I am really hoping to take some days off to do some sewing from raya too. honestly, i am scared to face the weeks ahead. 😦

wahai da’i

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wahai da’i
jangan putus harap
jangan lemah dan goyang
jangan iri dan sedih
jangan rasa gagal diri

wahai da’i
memang cantik susunanNya
setiap kita ada dakwahnya
mungkin engkau dakwah di sana
mungkin aku dakwah di sini

wahai da’i
tenangkan hati
setiap kita kebolehan kita
setiap kita kemampuan kita
setiap kita hadaf kita

Wahai da’i
Kan Dia yang aturkan segala
setiap penjuru dipagari da’i
engkau di sana aku di sini
masa mu begitu masa ku begini

Wahai da’i
ikhlaskan hati
tugas ini bukan sendiri
redhalah mampu mu di situ
redhalah mampu ku di sini

wahai da’i
terus terus maju
bersama tegakkan benteng syiar Mu

rejabku

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Rejabku penuh sibuk
Rejabku pantas berlalu
Rejabku hanya tugas bertalu
Rejabku jangan hilang begitu

Rejabku penuh pilu
Rejabku terusik qalbu
Rejabku khabar sayu
Rejabku jangan marahkan aku

Rejabku lihat dakwah sana
Rejabku disini dakwahku
Rejabku menanda tanya
Rejabku, apa yang dikejarkan?

Rejabku, luaskan dakwah ku
Rejabku, ikhlaskan ibadah ku
Rejabku, laksanakan amanahku
Rejabku jangan hilang begitu

Allahumma baariklanaa fii Rajab wa Sya’aban, wa ballighnaa fi Ramadhan

guru yang hilang

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perginya seorang lagi guru
perginya seorang lagi alim
perginya seorang lagi pendakwah
perginya seorang yang berhati mulia

hilangnya kuntuman senyuman
hilangnya suara lembut dalam tegas
bertemu hanya sekali
tapi bagai guru yang disayangi

entah kenapa hati terusik pilu
sedih dan kesal
tersedar dari dunia materialis
mungkin ini teguran untuk kita dari Nya

dakwahnya tanpa henti
ajarnya tanpa letih
ilmunya tanpa rahsia
kenapa kita terus leka?

apa lakuku mencukupi?
untuk mendapat tempat bersama mereka?
untuk medapat redhaMu Ya Allah?
untuk mendapat syafaatmua Rasulullah?

Rahmati guru2 kami Ya Allah
Mereka yang tanpa lelah mengajar kami
Lindungi mereka Ya Allah
Mereka yang hanya ingin mendidik kami

Rahmati diri ku Ya Rahman
Lindungi diri ku Ya Rahim
Didik diri ku Ya Murabbi
Fa’fu ‘anni Ya Rabbi

*Perginya seorang guru Ustaz Md Ibrahim Md Kassim yang tidak ku kenali secara dekat tapi kehilangannya bagai menusuk ke hati. sungguh, kami yang muda ini tidak mungkin sama seru dakwah kami. Didik kami Ya Allah, didik kami ya Allah. didik aku ya Allah…