i’m like a love sick person who is away from her dearest, so far so unreachable, and yet he is here beside me and i just want to say i love you abang.

we watched the time traveller’s wife, and of course, they skipped many many scenes from the book, but having known the emotions going through by the characters, i teared at the end, because it brought me to the reality that i cant bear to lose him. as much as i cant bear to lose my family.

but there is a time in the novel where henry got to go to the future, in a day where in reality he’s dead and had a chance to meet his wife and daughter. that will never happen in real life, but yes, it is what everyone who has lose someone will wish for. another glimpse of the loved one.

reading the book touched me and it was one of the novels that actually made me tear, the likes of jodi picoult’s sister’s keeper and the alchemist.

i will say it again and i will say it now.
i love my parents i love my siblings i love my abang.

so i’ve been to a two day course, in any case, always after a course, you’ll feel happier with work and you learn so many things you just cant wait to implement and practice it. im definitely feeling that now and i do not want to lose that momentum.

i have all these ideas in my head i need to write it down and make a strategy out of it lest i forget. and its big, and i need people who believe in it.

so i’m a Fish! practice and also sharpening the saw from the 7habits by taking up this Fish! philosophy.

week one is to make a jouornal of things which i have been grateful of, and take into consideration things which i might have been taking things for granted.

it is still monday and i have a week to think it through. so despite my busy work schedule, i’m going to try it. will be blogging about it here or my other blog. whichever suits the mood and mode of writing ok!

have a good night, world!

prayers for japan. despite whatever smart remarks people are making out of the calamity in japan, i will say, yes it happened. not karma, not test because of their whatever they did in the past, it just happened because God has created the world in such a way that an earthquake and tsunami will happen at this time and day and will hit japan. let’s not make sour comments or snide remarks. i sympathise with japan and if i cannot be there to help, i will be here, donate whenever i can, at whichever opportunity, and pray for more hard years to come to rebuild a nation.

work. and i am constantly trying to improve myself work wise. and i’m on this motivation and i hope it builds up and well, just improve myself.

I’ve been getting headaches at work and facing problems, ok, let’s put it in a positive note, challenges. very draining challenges that puts me down and makes me just want to stop. i feel i dont have the mood to work and blame it on the walk from the nel station to the mosque. and i’m just on a roll, just going through it without really knowing what i’m doing.

and i am still in that limbo. running a school takes a lot. teachers, parents, systems, mosque systems, administrative issues, financial issues, and most important of all, the curriculum and the students. can you just imagine what i have to go through everyday, without people breathing on my neck and telling me what to do. as i’m listing this down, i feel a huge weight on my shoulders and it just got heavier.

and i’m a temperamental person, my mood controls me sometimes and it may affected me a lot, my work, the place i work in and the impression i’m giving to total strangers.

and beside my ever patient and listening husband, i wouldnt know how and where to vent it out, since i’m just a normal quiet person and hold everything inside. my social life is pretty normal and nothing exciting. i’m not a conversationalist. i depended on my friends to make things happened and i just chip in whenever i can.

so i thought if i’m going to give myself one more year in this job, i have to do something and makes it worthwhile. two months gone and i think i’m just doing enough but not better.

maybe i’m born to be a serious person, have always been but i just thought i had to take things seriously or work wont get done.

i was introduced to Fish! philosophy by one of my mentor, she lent me a book to read and hoped i could learn something from it. well that was three four years ago? i soon forgot what i read. until last year i passed a small book sale at the interchange and i saw this book, and i thought i used to love this book and i need to read it again! i bought it. but it was kept in my bookshelf for a whole year.

bought many other books but didnt get to read them with the reason of being busy with work. i’m starting to hate the word work.

but i realise i have to start somewhere now. i’m giving myself one year and i need to do it right now.

i’m going to start on this book, and maybe build up the momentum from there. learn what i can learn and implement what i can.

thank you to my mentor for introducing me to this.

i really like this article. a very good reminder to myself.

http://muslimworker.com/2009/07/10-habits-of-highly-effective-muslim-wives/

Sollu alaih
Muhammad Khairu Khalqillah
Sollu ala rasulillah habibil mustafa
solatullah salamullah ala taha rasulillah
solatullah salamullah ala yasin habibillah

i have no words to describe you ya Rasulullah
So many alim have written about you
written so beautiful of you
so many of them have sung about you
so many have sollu alaika

i am but imperfect imperfect
but i pray that i may still be in your embrace
ya Rasulullah
i pray that i may be among those you love and miss
i pray that i may still be able to catch a glimpse of you
ya Rasulullah

ya Allah
please forgive me
my life is a struggle
and only You would understand

please guide me Ya Allah
please look at me Ya Rasulullah

no i have not forgotten you. the greatest teacher. i should have learnt from you ya Rasulullah. Sollu alaik…