brain freezed

literally brain freezed. the air conditioned room and the nothing much to do first day at work has left me numbed!
everything’s pretty much ok laa. honestly, i can’t type anything else la.
updates later~

but i’ll leave you all with this melancholic song from fave female artist ever : DIDO

agenda before dec 1st

1. completing works on p.y – rechecked lesson plans, rechecked readings, get back to designer
2. editing works on tw.a – reformat lesson plans
3. works on n.m – consolidate datas, list for remunerations, upload pics, get back on invoke webdesign, check up invoke
4. compose a resignation letter for nahdhah

ok, let’s do this!

my yogic two cents

i was asked by a young buddhist friend from a recent workshop, about Yoga.
of course this part of the world was knocked with the issue of yoga being haram-ed in the neighbouring country.

oh no, i am not going to give some academic opinions with hujahs and dalils, well, not yet. but one thing came across my mind.

quite simply yoga is a religious ritual for religions like hindu and some buddhist practices, and when included with mantras and the recitings, of surety, it will affect the state of a muslim’s faith.

but at the same time, yoga has been ‘new-aged’ and most yoga practices only involved body movement and the state of mind and inner peace. most yoga practitioners will not identify themselves as hindus, because of their take that yoga is a practical exercise, aid and not a religious ritual. but this of course, in western perspectives, who have found good in some religious ritual, although wanting to avoid being affiliated to a religion, causes yoga to be ‘neutralized’. so what makes yoga yoga?

if you are to be in a sitting position, breathing properly, and putting your mind in a clear form, would that be yoga? or is it JUST a relaxing practice? is it just a state of mind? if you’re sitting, closing your eyes, trying to relax your mind, however reciting the zikrs instead, will that be a form of *bhakti yoga* on its own? the concept is quite similar doesn’t it? so why not just do zikr? you get your rest, inner peace + some afterworld rewards.

i think it’s just a sensationalied term. y-o-g-a stripped of its hinduist origins. sounds chim right? when actually it’s just a state of mind, a form of meditation. but how do you actually separate the physical movement from the spiritual essence of yoga? is there a point where you can say, ok i’m doing this yoga thing up to this, beyond that it’ll be syirk. would you know that border point? and really it’s very much vague what yoga really is without going through its process. just like sufi being vague and confusing to most because of not experiencing it. but that’s another story altogether.

i have always respected yoga practice as a special hindu ritual, and thus never thought of taking it up. leave the hindus alone!

look at it this way. solat without the spiritual essence. so any person can do solat just to gain some inner peace and tranquil state. that wouldn’t be solat you say right? it’s just any form of ‘exercise’. but how can you do the solat acts without the readings and being in a state of mind you need to be, the state of faith you are in.. it’ll be null.

so yoga without the readings and being in a state of mind you need to be and seek even, then it wouldn’t be yoga. it will only be yoga if you put in faith in doing it and there’s bound to be some reads/mantra you read through even if it’s only “oummmm” which by the way, refers to hindus’ concept of god. yoga comes in a whole package if you haven’t notice already. no matter how agnostic or atheist yoga practitioners are, they are, well, in a state of belief to the ritual. the whole paganistic nature and surroundings elements that go with it.

so, to do or not to do? i’ll just stick to my inter-faith respect towards it but at the point of conflicting my aqidah, i don’t risk it.

state of mind

i was asked by a young buddhist friend from a recent workshop, about Yoga.
of course this part of the world was knocked with the issue of yoga being haram-ed in the neighbouring country.

oh no, i am not going to give some academic opinions with hujahs and dalils, well, not yet. but one thing came across my mind.

quite simply yoga is a religious ritual for religions like hindu and some buddhist practices, and when included with mantras and the recitings, of surety, it will affect the state of a muslim’s faith.

but at the same time, yoga has been ‘new-aged’ and most yoga practices only involved body movement and the state of mind and inner peace. most yoga practitioners will not identify themselves as hindus, because of their take that yoga is a practical exercise, aid and not a religious ritual. but this of course, in western perspectives, who have found good in some religious ritual, although wanting to avoid being affiliated to a religion, causes yoga to be ‘neutralized’. so what makes yoga yoga?

if you are to be in a sitting position, breathing properly, and putting your mind in a clear form, would that be yoga? or is it JUST a relaxing practice? is it just a state of mind? if you’re sitting, closing your eyes, trying to relax your mind, however reciting the zikrs instead, will that be a form of *bhakti yoga* on its own? the concept is quite similar doesn’t it? so why not just do zikr? you get your rest, inner peace + some afterworld rewards.

i think it’s just a sensationalied term. y-o-g-a stripped of its hinduist origins. sounds chim right? when actually it’s just a state of mind, a form of meditation. but how do you actually separate the physical movement from the spiritual essence of yoga? is there a point where you can say, ok i’m doing this yoga thing up to this, beyond that it’ll be syirk. would you know that border point? and really it’s very much vague what yoga really is without going through its process. just like sufi being vague and confusing to most because of not experiencing it. but that’s another story altogether.

i have always respected yoga practice as a special hindu ritual, and thus never thought of taking it up. leave the hindus alone!

look at it this way. solat without the spiritual essence. so any person can do solat just to gain some inner peace and tranquil state. that wouldn’t be solat you say right? it’s just any form of ‘exercise’. but how can you do the solat acts without the readings and being in a state of mind you need to be, the state of faith you are in.. it’ll be null.

so yoga without the readings and being in a state of mind you need to be and seek even, then it wouldn’t be yoga. it will only be yoga if you put in faith in doing it and there’s bound to be some reads/mantra you read through even if it’s only “oummmm” which by the way, refers to hindus’ concept of god. yoga comes in a whole package if you haven’t notice already. no matter how agnostic or atheist yoga practitioners are, they are, well, in a state of belief to the ritual. the whole paganistic nature and surroundings elements that go with it.

so, to do or not to do? i’ll just stick to my inter-faith respect towards it but at the point of conflicting my aqidah, i don’t risk it.

on to new prologue


i have been staring at this screen for far too long. with null productivity.
i do have a few tasks left to do but my mind has been a total blank today! which is not good!

i guess it must have been the anxiety of starting at a new workplace this monday. for a year and a few months working at mu*is, i have really become so used to seeing the same faces, going to the same office, and well, sitting at a record of three different workspaces in the same office room. i really enjoyed it and i have to say, i am very fortunate to have had the opportunity to work in such a place. would especially miss the people in the unit.

still, life has to move on. and i pray that being at a new workplace, with new challenges and meeting new people, will give me a whole new breath and spirit, new perspectives and new experiences. it’s almost a scary thought but this is the choice i have made. although i know i can do so much more (trainings, editings of curriculum, things which i really enjoyed doing) i have a feeling i will still have more of these chances. insya Allah.

there you go, my very first job, very first workspace, very first working experience…will be missing it.

let’s get going seri!

and yes, been to full-of-energy 3-day workshop on youth training. now, here was something which i have always wanted to have- an assessment or evaluation of myself while training. well in this workshop, after 2 days going through the theories and many ideas of games and energizers, we also had a recording sessions. ie. we record our selves during first introduction and on the 3rd day, in a group, conduct a mock training session and got reviews from our peers and the trainer.

well, i found out i did too many time-feelers (aka ‘hmm’ ‘ah’ ‘ok’ etc etc) although i have a good posture and hand gestures, and yes, the contents bit also need a lot to brush up. now i know how i ‘look like’ while training! haha! i got a lot of tips from the trainer and made some new friends. a nice experience really.
going to workshops like this always make me excited to start the new year and apply what i’ve learnt! motiveated seh!

and yes, let’s get going! :))

recuperating

i guess today was one of the best recuperating day i ever had. resting at home, without ever going out (for once!) and had the whole day indulging myself in a funny chick flick novel (for once!). i purposely chose to read something light to humour myself. well, apart from cleaning up my room which had been left untended for the past few weeks. yes, the last time i had a thorough cleaning was during Ramadhan. and now it felt more homely with a touch of Bodyshop cranberry sweet smell. barulah nampak mcm bilik 3 anak dara. haha 😉

the week had been a whirlwind. believe me when i say it’s whirlwind with a good connotation to it. i had some fun dinners with my girlfriends and happy days revisited. truly. precious memories those are. looking at the pictures shared at facebook, the good memories are immortalised.

and the whole week had been busy with content trainings. apart from being a participant, i also contributed in some ways as an assistant to the main trainer and alhamdulillah, going through it is a learning experience in itself and getting to share my experiences with new teachers is what i’ve always wanted to do. thanks to Y.E. unit for giving me this opportunity. i’m looking forward to more trainings hehe.

and apart from that, my system’s fighting with the reality that in two days, i’ll be leaving my comfort zone for good, and for once, will be going for something permanent and full time and committed at last, at one workplace. i am really leaving and i’m not good with goodbyes. like this is it! but truly, it really is fortunate that i was given the opportunity to work and gain experience in, i think, the best place to learn. and practically learn being in a working environment. it opened up one’s eyes.

and for now, i’m trying to change my biological clock since, at the new workplace, i will have to reach there by 7.30 am!! so i have to wake up approximately 5 am and go on and on till 5.30 pm. wah liau, got to start by this week. wake up at 5!

changing glass castle

i just finished reading the book The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls and i loved it. it gives a very different non-stereotypical portrayal of a family who have very educated and talented parents (stereotypically it would be big house, academics career, and glossy looking smart children)who chose to go against the norm and live like wanderers, adventurous and vagabond, moving from one place to another.

really, i can’t stop reading it, and at almost every page, i would be expressing “what??!!” “seriously??” “what kind of a parent is this??” “what the toots?” and “WOW!” but it has nothing to do with violence or psychological disorder, or “My name is Dave”-like stories. it’s just that the Walls parents (yes its based on real life story) have a different way of teaching their four children, imparting values from a different angle. for example, letting insects and pests practically breed in their rickety house because you don’t have the right to kill or destroy other living beings. despite the noble values the parents taught them, and the education they gave from home (the Walls children are geniuses) it’s the standard of living which is almost ridiculous. the children eating from leftovers or surviving on margarine or corn for whole days on end, being on a hunger strike because their father is away looking for gold and mother unable to keep a teaching job because of her eccentric nature of teaching.

but i envy the children much because of their independence and smartness, up to the point that they tried ways and took up menial jobs(paper runs, babysitting! when they themselves need babysitting! collecting tins and bottles) from the age of as young as five just to get a morsel of food. and the thing is they don’t rebel and indulge in gangsterism/drinking/drugs/friends’ bad influence. they just don’t. and that’s what amazes me. of course, being children, and eventually teens, they build their own perspectives on things, but they didn’t blame their parents. they very much love their parents still and instead, in whatever it is they were doing, their agenda would be to make less burden for their parents. and yes the parents had their own flaws.

because, if it’s in some community, oklah, my community. it would be a totally different story right? give the same scenario and you get different reactions. of course, i’m not generalising, but in most cases.

just this week, we got a whole list of thumbnail pics on BH of youths involved in physical conflict. and for what?

it’s been quite some time since we heard of a group of boys caught for a fight. and we thought things are getting better? i don’t think so.

despite the activities and everything else people are doing, problems like this arises. last week, in my discovering coversation circle session, we had to picture ourselves in 2025.

the picture which most of us had would be technologically-inspired infrastructure and wealth and whatnots. but we share one concern (despite adhering to different religions), the human touch and religion. where would religion fit in with all the rush to obtain material wealth? it’s a hedonistic materialistic world. (wow, such a long time since last i used that word was in an Islamic Contemporary Issues Exam)and it’s a scary world. looking at the state of world now, all right let’s not go global yet. just look at the current community we are living in. just two months ago, during Ramadhan, me and few other blogger friends were lamenting on the ignorance and insignificant understanding of Ramadhan by the mainstream.
(why do i even start calling them ‘mainstream’? so who’s going ‘indie’ then?)

and being a pre-sociologist, i have to admit, i’m scared of change.

while talking about marriage and weddings (http://invoke.sg) an acquaintance put it rightly so “question here is have we start that seismic shift or are still caught up in academic debates?”

talk is cheap. but are we ready for change? i say not. until the X generation make way to the Y, sociologically speaking.

most people have these academic dreams of a glass castle, but made of what?
by the standard of living when you’re in an economic -driven country, or the quality of living, when we’re investing on an afterlife castle?

glass castle

i just finished reading the book The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls and i loved it. it gives a very different non-stereotypical portrayal of a family who have very educated and talented parents (stereotypically it would be big house, academics career, and glossy looking smart children)who chose to go against the norm and live like wanderers, adventurous and vagabond, moving from one place to another.

really, i can’t stop reading it, and at almost every page, i would be expressing “what??!!” “seriously??” “what kind of a parent is this??” “what the toots?” and “WOW!” but it has nothing to do with violence or psychological disorder, or “My name is Dave”-like stories. it’s just that the Walls parents (yes its based on real life story) have a different way of teaching their four children, imparting values from a different angle. for example, letting insects and pests practically breed in their rickety house because you don’t have the right to kill or destroy other living beings. despite the noble values the parents taught them, and the education they gave from home (the Walls children are geniuses) it’s the standard of living which is almost ridiculous. the children eating from leftovers or surviving on margarine or corn for whole days on end, being on a hunger strike because their father is away looking for gold and mother unable to keep a teaching job because of her eccentric nature of teaching.

but i envy the children much because of their independence and smartness, up to the point that they tried ways and took up menial jobs(paper runs, babysitting! when they themselves need babysitting! collecting tins and bottles) from the age of as young as five just to get a morsel of food. and the thing is they don’t rebel and indulge in gangsterism/drinking/drugs/friends’ bad influence. they just don’t. and that’s what amazes me. of course, being children, and eventually teens, they build their own perspectives on things, but they didn’t blame their parents. they very much love their parents still and instead, in whatever it is they were doing, their agenda would be to make less burden for their parents. and yes the parents had their own flaws.

because, if it’s in some community, oklah, my community. it would be a totally different story right? give the same scenario and you get different reactions. of course, i’m not generalising, but in most cases.

just this week, we got a whole list of thumbnail pics on BH of youths involved in physical conflict. and for what?
TheTasteofInk
_____________________________________________

i’m writing this just so to get my mind working, because something else has been bugging me and suddenly i’m starting to think of what’s going to happen to me in the future. honestly, i was never a long term planner and i have been in the comfort zone of being single and free for a long time with having my siblings and girlfriends and acquaintances as meaningful company. i know my age is already a quarter of a hundred years, and even after seeing friend after friend after friend got married, i was never ready for this.

what if all these have to change? what if suddenly i have to start thinking about a significant person? what if suddenly i have to start planning for a marriage? it’s just that, at this moment, it’s totally beyond me. there’s A LOT of things i needed to do and achieve and having a significant partner was never part of the picture. my future was always a picture of career, and travels and books. yes, books. it was never a wife or a mother. although thrown in the rare images of a faceless significant other.

still, being an imperfect person, those tendencies to be loved and wanted is inevitable, i envy my friends who’s married, found their soulmate/ partner, who’s had years of loyal relationships, engaged and so on so forth, of course i dreamt of having those (put in Affa as the imaginary boyfriend, haha!) but i never expected those to come true. not yet.

truthfully, i’m just not ready. despite the age, despite the need. i’m not ready for change.

i’m not ready for a glass castle of my own. but i have to start from somewhere, right? maybe THIS could be IT.

old skool love

i had the sudden urge to listen to some old songs and i found my old skool fave girlgroup song!!! and believe me, i went through this phase, from the short pixie hair (and have always loved short hair since), to the dress (albeit mine was out of jeans material, i still remember) with stripe shirt and down to the boots (that’s why i love Doc Martens boots).

heh, watching this vid brings back funny memories seh. so the pop-pish hehe.
and they say, it’s hard to forget your first love right? here is my first love.

seriously, i had the huge-st crush on Affa. :))
no one else could quite take over his place in my heart. CEH~~~ sampai termimpi2 lagik! i guess there still isn’t. for a while, i thought a certain src president back in IIU looks like him, i think the girls might know which src president 😉 but Affa still tops the list. haha.

so zaman hingusan eh. am very much embarrassed to have to type this out, well, many people are reading this. but hey, everyone goes through teenage years. and am just writing what’s truly in my mind.
(ps: if you want ‘real’ writings of mine, move over to unpoeticpieces.blogspot.com)