Went back to Singapore last weekend. Not a planned thing, I was forced to return home because I had an interview for a bursary. I hope I’ll get it. $S1000 = RM2000….guess it’s about enough for a whole year’s expenses down here. And one thing, I’m really hoping I’ll get it, because my interviewer was none other than my old school’s principal!! She knows almost everything about me and my family and I hope she’ll understands. So please God, let me get that bursary!

And something rather silly happened to me. Or maybe I let it happened. Well, to make it short….I’ve tried calling him since last Friday, the day I reached home and I always got ‘He’s sleeping,’ ‘he’s out,’ or someone used the phone. I got fed up till sunday night….when he called and I asked my brother to tell him, I went back to UIA already, when actually I’ll be going back on Tuesday. And I was ok after that…..well maybe truly damned mad at him….I really was sure that I won’t be talking to him anymore for a long time and I don’t care what happened. I was trying to wait and see what he’s going to do next….BUT……my cute little brother had a mind of his own!!! He called back my object of anger and told him that I was actually angry at him, not talking to him and will be going back on Tuesday instead!!! So very thoughtful of him~ I know he’s being cute but he embarrassed me. And I didn’t know about it until much later when I was about to go to sleep! He confessed to me that he felt guilty for having to lie to him…..but he can lie to me!! What was I to do???? He knew I bluffed him already!! Brother, brother…why did you do it? And he was not alone in this, my two sisters actually helped him on what to say!!! How could they??? So I couldn’t sleep that night and he didn’t call me back again. I seriously don’t know what he’s thinking and I don’t know how to say it.

But the next morning…I tried calling him again early in the morning and for the umpteenth time the answer was he’s asleep!!! Even his mother sounded embarrassed and was explaining something to me when the line suddenly got cut off. I called again to say sorry but his father answered instead of his mother…..I was caught off guard and simply had to ask if he’s home. And his father woke him…talked for awhile …..I said sorry but he sounded damn sleepy, I got agitated and told him to continue sleeping and I’ll call back but decided that I will not. It’s up to him now. My patience has its limit. I’ve had it calling guys. They’re never there when you want them. But he called later in the afternoon…sorry there…sorry here and I can’t seem to have a conversation with him…maybe I’m still sore about things. But he did tell me something damn disappointing….I’m just speechless. What is it? It’s better left unsaid because if I’m to reread my blog, I’ll be reading about this and hurt my heart. Let’s just say I’m disappointed in him for doing it and he’s just making things worst. I know he won’t say what made him do it but he don’t just do it out of mere anger. There had to be something. But I can’t be angry at him…his father had a word with him…and I trust he’s learnt his lesson and wake up and see the reality. He’s been living in a dream and too caught up with his emotions he couldn’t see what he really needs to see…to move on! Seriuosly I don’t understand what he wants…..especially from me. I care about him alot and I don’t want him to be in such dreaded state but he has to pull his self out of it. Well, the conversation was ok and I found out he’s actually working and those ‘he’s out’ was supposed to be ‘he’s working.’

He called again later at night and I guessed I pretty much cooled down and I did much of the talking. We ended the conversation with sorries again. I won’t do that bluff thing again. I’m just glad we’re talking again. The friendship needs to slow down. He’s going to tell me one day, like a bombshell, what is happening around here. Sometimes I can’t seem to believe what he says but I wil give him my trust. Pray he won’t betray it.