What he doesn’t know…..He doesn’t know that I think of him 24/7 since I don’t know when but I’ve wasted a lot of brain energy on him. He doesn’t know that I worried about him, I wonder what he’s thinking and doing…I wonder who he really is…with the things I heard about him. Even as a friend, I think I have the right to know the truth. And sometimes I don’t seem to know if he’s speaking the truth. He seems so good, so smart, so responsible kind of guy but then again, some people say he’s notoriously popular….and he’s slick with girls…so many times he told me he’s ‘afraid’ to befriend girls but he sure has a lot of them as friends~ and I don’t know if he’s playing some kind of a game….and if he is….why does he has to play it on me?? Is this some kind of a joke?? Because I don’t deserve this kind of treatment, I have never broke any guy’s heart, I never broke his heart, I never even got too close with any guy!!! So why me?? But if he thinks he’s winning…well, I won’t let that happen. I know this game he’s playing and I’m enjoying it 🙂

The feeling when you know a friend and he told you many things and sympathise with him and siding him but later hearing things from other people and unable to defend this friend because other people could be saying the truth…you’re just in some kind of dilemma, not knowing who to trust but eventually trying to believe your own friend but at the same time feeling you’re betrayed for not knowing the truth. Seriously…I don’t know. And I don’t know why he’s not calling or messaging, not even a bloody email! Is there something wrong or am I being paranoid for nothing….why don’t I send him an email??? Well, it’s my pride my ego…Maybe he’s waiting for my email..well why can’t he email me?? Why don’t I just try and see if he reply?? The thing is, I’ve sent him a few messages to his handphone but he doesn’t reply..well I know he wants to save up because his handphone bills accounted up to hundreds of dollars and messaging me was one of the reason, but he couldn’t email is that it?? He said before he doesn’t like emails but he sure does email me before….I really don’t know. I’m ashamed to say that maybe I miss him but stubborn enough to not do anything. I just want to see if he will do anything instead.

He doesn’t know so many things he did was sweet but now I wonder if he’s sincere in them….he doesn’t know so many things about him hurt me to the core but now I wonder if I don’t have to feel hurt because he is despicable? I really need to know~

Some things are better left unsaid~