why the memories??

I have no idea why but I guess it’s the time of the year…and furthermore, I was triggered when I was clearing out my wardrobe and I came across the many notebooks and journals of my past memories. It’s funny some of the posts, and I saw how I grew with my writing and how the styles change as I met new people and did new things. One thing that surprised me most was the volumes of my writing which concentrated on one single focus and it’s the only focus that have shaped my perception on life and may I say, love and friendship. It’s the focus who have been the sole reason for my smiles, laughter, tears even, sweet and not so nice memories. And since when was all this?? It must have been since 2001 that I started writing on this focus, up till the first few semesters in IIU, before I ‘migrated’ totally to blogging.

Where is the focus now? What happened to the focus? It’s still alive and living, near but far, close but a stranger, understood but confused, and it’s the memories that’s keeping it alive, there were hundreds of questions left unanswered, real but ignored, as though, we’re just living through the days, knowing of it’s existence, but choosing to ignore this vacuum, a shadow that I’ve learnt to hide from the sun. but why does the memories live? What am I holding on to? It’s the focus that’s been keeping me away from meeting others, because the others are NOT the focus, it’s just so hard to accept. Why can’t I understand that there is nothing to wait? That those spoken and written words were empty words. What am I waiting?

And so the questions dwell for as long as they want even though focus may have strayed and I can’t get him back where I want him to be.