i wasn’t planning on posting, i started surfing just to relax my mind after hours of reading Deviant Behaviour. I wanna screaammm!!! had enough of it la! i want to be a deviant and not reading it can??!!

but anyway, i was reading the blogs of friends, interesting posts. the happy posts and the sad posts and the nothing to do posts, hmm, like mine. so what trigger my posting is the number of friendship posts i’ve been reading. and you know what, i’m tired of it~

i like to read the happy ones. my empathies to the sad ones. what is friendship anyway? for me, i’ve had enough of it. except for the ones who have let me stay and accepted me, and have stayed by me, or maybe i have stayed by them because they let me to. a rose can only have so much petals.

God, i so know the tribulations of friendships. since school, they never failed to trouble me. since school seh. and i thought coming to iiu would let me run away from this, but no, they haunted me as well. and the one way out, is to run away from them and think naught about them. i have learnt to keep silent and than it became a habit and it’s bliss. the keyword would be “kau nyer pasal lah apa kau nak buat” and oh yeah, don’t give me that innocent-i’m not wrong but pseudo guilty-look. i hate it.

because you see, when here we are concerned about a friend, while the friend is just void concern about you, it’s a betrayal. like how i’m thinking of one, and one is not concern about me, it hurts…but one’s a different story. now that there’s a lot of times i’ve been duped, i just got enough of it. so it’s either i don’t talk to you or…. i go silent for eternity. no choice. i’m the villain, so what? (deviant thinking infused)

but anyway, friendships are hard to maintain. congrats to those who manage to stay friends as much as possible. i salute you people. one thing i know, if there is trust, you won’t get paranoid. if there is none, it’s one hell of a roller coaster. so i say…ignorance is bliss…sometimes.