very baddd. you have got to stop this very bad habit seri!! you have got to stop sneeaaakiinggg at other people’s sites, friendster not multiply nor facebook nor whatever toottttss that would possibly give you the wasilah to find out about somebody. you have got to stop sneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaking. it’s unethical and conflicts with your integrity and your promise, YOUR PROMISE, YOUR VOW never to know about others!! never to know what you MUST NOT KNOW. Remember IGNORANCE IS BLISS??? what good would it do?? what good? For the GOOD LORD’s sake. stop trying to find out about toooott. what? who is it again?? what business is it of me?

whose fault is it? whose fault? she for playing along with that superficial game??!! he for being so heartless?? she for being so close, so reachable, so accessible?? me for being plain plain stupid?! what kind of a friendship is this??

you know it hurts BIG TIME!! so why did you do it??? you really shouldn’t have. shouldn’t have think about even sneeaaaking at other’s sites. i was perfectly ok, going on with my life, working, so striving for the good of the youths. i was so OK, being with my beloved friends, missing my girls, days with Ericko-san (btw, don’t shout yet, ericko-san is lifeless, ie, my hp), days with my strings, drinks with my lemon tea, days with my clan, and then i met a person, whom i know obviously, who happened to be a close friend, and seeing this good person, and totally reminded of whoever it is laaa. it’s just that!! baammm, you have to know someone who’s a direct wasilah to whatever…

i don’t have to be so emotional at the moment. i don’t. it’s just this anger i had in me. just anger. anger. i need to let out this anger. keeping silent for so long is not healthy. Come on Seri, get hold of yourself. There are a million things to do. This should not hinder the steps to what i’ve been dreaming of. I have a long list of action plan. but you know how they say sometimes we have to face our enemy.

Zaimahhhh!!!! i need you!!!

***sigh***

it’s always when we have some peace of mind, some calm and having that one direction which we are moving towards to, there will always be something which seems to set some thorns on the path. those thorns which doesn’t hurt much, but once felt, it left scars on your feet, making you limp along the way, till it heals itself. still, the cycle is neverending, once flowers are blooming, thorns will appear. and this is the devil in me. this pseudo-heartbreak. just when i thought i have found my way, there’s the devil waving at me. and so again, i have to fight it before it numbed me. i do not know for how much longer should i feel this way.

so help me LORD.