i’m past my bedtime but i want to spare some few minutes on this.
the week has been…yes…overwhelming… so much for a birthday week! hehe

i rushed to complete things, do write ups (and still not yet the one i promised Suli for the e-bulletin!!) and also my student’s help in writing out the transliteration for solat’s readings!! and still on my framework!! oh no oh no, kanciong leyyy!

honestly, 24/7 is not enough! when can all these be over?! i honestly can’t wait for this end of august, when i will be visiting IIU, KL, with my mother. please, Lord, let me realise this!! ;))

and not to say, i had fevers, on and off, this week. and am still having this so irritating flu! yea! yet again. i’ve lost count how many times i’ve fallen sick this year! and some people still commented that my voice is not back yet…guess what…i’m coughing now! but not so much as the one which made me lose my voice quite recently.

and truly a bombshell exploded, on monday, my birthday that is. you know when i used to say how singapore is so small and you tend to meet who’s this and this to one other person, you know this 6-degrees of separation they’ve been buzzing about. well, mine had to be this….there are some people i wanted to avoid, for the rest of my life, if that’s quite possible.

these same some people, they might be directly or indirectly connected to me, so to say. let’s put things briefly. of all people, it had to be HER!! it had to be her whom i have to be working with!! i know she’s way beyond my problem, but it’s just that…why does it has to be her? i don’t know, my mind’s chaotic at this moment.

my heart’s just screaming. ok seri need to focus on life now, ok. 25’s a big number. and quite honestly, i’m feeling these changes within me. my emotions, my mind.

i’m thinking my life is like this UNO Stacko. i have all these blocks of colours and numbers stacked up nicely, but then i have to rearrange them, just to make sense of all the colours and numbers, without, WITHOUT FALLING DOWN. how do i take one block out from the stacks without the risk of the blocks moving, swaying dangerously, just waiting to crash down. how do i know which one to take out, put away, or re-fix it somewhere along the stacks? what will happen if it all crash? where do i start to put them all back together?

so complicated.

and people, please stop asking me when’s my ‘time’? what time? i don’t have time, ok!so just stop. yes most of you are attached, engaged and married, not to forget, beranak-pinak. so what? just not my time yet laaaa!! tanya, tanya!
and i have to admit my heart’s breaking by the very minute (yeah, because of this and that), and i don’t know why, with this -25- i keep getting thoughts of a someone from years back who i know is just out of reach. it’s escapism.

i don’t know what i’m angry about. haha. this is embarrassing. you never know who’s reading this blog. but keep your thoughts to yourself ok.