its that time of the year when i would feel more stressed than ever. i really am. abang is already sleeping soundly but i cant bring myself to sleep despite feeling exhausted. my mind has this buzzing train passing through which doesnt seem to stop. i was watching lara croft on channel 5 with the hope for r and r but her ultra confidence is stabbing me because at this point i dont seem to have one.

i was browsing through facebook and saw acquaintances’ pics of their holidays and that made me happy for a short while coz it reminded me of our nz amazing trip and then stumbled upon some facebook pages of people’s online ’boutique’ with their shawls, and blouses, and long dresses, maxi dresses and whatnots but i dont even have the excitement of looking through them because even with an extra month’s pay, i suddenly lost the mood to spend it.

and i was hungry but i dont feel like eating.

that’s how bad and low i’m feeling at this point. although i know i should be counting my blessings now.

i’m stuck with doing a task which i honestly dont have the time to do, although i would rather do it than handling some of the stuffs i’m supposed to do at work.

i have uniforms to worry about. i have teachers to worry about because i dont have enough up till now. and i was dropped an unfortunate news that the transport vendor wouldnt take up students on weekdays and few parents called asking about it. and one even go all the way wanting us to refund everything because of this transport issue. parents jangan melenting boleh tak??!! im feeling shitty already without you having to add up to the mess. i cant please everyone for God’s sake. i really dont understand parents nowadays. always expecting things to go their way and when its not they go all hurricane.

and for the umpteenth record, i might as well work without a ydo. like seriously. ive been covering for the ydo, i keep reminding and asking the ydo to do tonnes of things not done and the youth seem to be able to fend for themselves for that matter.

i’ve had big dreams and its not achieveable with ydo acting like this, and well, teachers need their holidays. but i think ive been waaayy too good.

and oh yes, why have i been seeing my students so called declaring love in their fb statuses? have they learnt nothing???!! next year its all going to be old fashioned. i’m telling you kids you’re going to get it from me!! before someone pulls me away and say ‘it’s all just a phase, we have to understand them bla bla bla’.

one week away to strategise.

i’ve cut my hair short, i could very well go bald soon.

but Lord, i’m grateful to You for giving me a job, at a place that i can practice my religion without boundaries and i love the fact that it’s about education. but i feel my strength is draining low by the day and i need to pull through because a new academic year is starting and Lord knows what it has in store for me. it’s always a scary thought.

oh yes, i’m having my menses now so probably why i’m feeling down. alasan.

i need a miracle.

so help me Lord.

good night world.