work. and i am constantly trying to improve myself work wise. and i’m on this motivation and i hope it builds up and well, just improve myself.

I’ve been getting headaches at work and facing problems, ok, let’s put it in a positive note, challenges. very draining challenges that puts me down and makes me just want to stop. i feel i dont have the mood to work and blame it on the walk from the nel station to the mosque. and i’m just on a roll, just going through it without really knowing what i’m doing.

and i am still in that limbo. running a school takes a lot. teachers, parents, systems, mosque systems, administrative issues, financial issues, and most important of all, the curriculum and the students. can you just imagine what i have to go through everyday, without people breathing on my neck and telling me what to do. as i’m listing this down, i feel a huge weight on my shoulders and it just got heavier.

and i’m a temperamental person, my mood controls me sometimes and it may affected me a lot, my work, the place i work in and the impression i’m giving to total strangers.

and beside my ever patient and listening husband, i wouldnt know how and where to vent it out, since i’m just a normal quiet person and hold everything inside. my social life is pretty normal and nothing exciting. i’m not a conversationalist. i depended on my friends to make things happened and i just chip in whenever i can.

so i thought if i’m going to give myself one more year in this job, i have to do something and makes it worthwhile. two months gone and i think i’m just doing enough but not better.

maybe i’m born to be a serious person, have always been but i just thought i had to take things seriously or work wont get done.

i was introduced to Fish! philosophy by one of my mentor, she lent me a book to read and hoped i could learn something from it. well that was three four years ago? i soon forgot what i read. until last year i passed a small book sale at the interchange and i saw this book, and i thought i used to love this book and i need to read it again! i bought it. but it was kept in my bookshelf for a whole year.

bought many other books but didnt get to read them with the reason of being busy with work. i’m starting to hate the word work.

but i realise i have to start somewhere now. i’m giving myself one year and i need to do it right now.

i’m going to start on this book, and maybe build up the momentum from there. learn what i can learn and implement what i can.

thank you to my mentor for introducing me to this.