I have been thinking these days. Quite random actually but its almost like a self reflection thinking.

I am going on 30. This year. I have been thinking have i acheived success thus far? Is this what i want to do? Is this good enough?
I have always thought i can do so much more. I am destined for bigger things. But what, i dont know yet.

Its just that apart from working and helping my family now and then, financial wise i am not there yet. I am not into luxury and fashionable items but i do look to travelling. I am twenty years away from half a century and i dont know if by that time i am financially free. I am saving up now. But it would be nice to see my money grow. And it would be really nice to be able to do zakat every year.

You know what my dream is? For my whole family to do haji together. Alhamdulillah my parents have gone to umrah but i aim for haji for them and the rest of us. And then travel see the world together.

And then there’s the success part. Do i still see myself ‘here’? Doing the same thing every year. Or is there something out there for me to explore? I definitely still have the study part to accomplish which i havent got to do yet due to the savings.

What about my husband? He has the money. But yes he has the house to think about and because we are sandwiched in income we had to get something which if i have had a better pay, it would help a lot but no. The daily needs of our lives. as a wife, it is only right that i depended on him. but Well, simply because being me, i am an independent person. I was that before i got married and i would like to stay that way, being the X generation woman that i am.

What if i am not working in the next five years? What if, God forbids, realistically speaking, my husband….you know…lifespan. I really cannot imagine life without him. Oh Lord, i need him. Please grant us strength and health. And that’s another thing: the wife role. I have always been thinking whether i am doing enough to fulfill my responsibilities. I am trying to juggle this working wife role. Maybe i am harsh on myself but i do not think i am doing great in this department!

Oh woman.