Im tired of always having to bring myself up whenever the motivation is low. I couldnt make it into a constant part of my life. Its like i can feel happy and positive and another instant, i feel so low and started crying without apparent reasons other than tired, up to a point that i wonder whether i am depressed and should seek medication.

Its a constant fight. My heart my mind my body my soul is like fighting not knowing which part of me to follow.

Is it this turning on 30? I look at other people amf thought they are doing better than me. I guess i am living others’ expectations towards me. It was never about me, is it? Like its about the mosque, its because of the children, the students, it is about the teachers, it is about who will take over if i leave. It is about who can do the job im doing now?

Sometimes im sick of working i just stare at my pc doing nothing.