Came out of January alive.

Thank goodness. all the rush heh. and January really goes very very fast. its February already and I finally am able to breathe for a while.

It is just getting interesting though. I have set my mind on studying this year and I have a few courses in mind to go already. excited much! already I am now going through this mosque officers development course for three months till March.

I had the opportunity to meet the two local leaders, for whom I have great respect towards to, in a sharing session and I find the courage to ask for their advice to face these challenges. and I was glad I did. their message was quite simple but at that point of time, it really touched the mind and heart. Every hard work that we do has its sole purpose of gaining the redha from Allah swt. Matlamat kita hanya kerana Allah. And after every hard work, we must remember and believe, tawakkal ‘alAllah, that at the end of the day, it is truly Allah alone who can give hidayah. Believe in Him and He will guide us. (Al-Baqarah: 282)

We always forget. We take our work and responsibilities, no doubt, with much dedication…and that, in my line, we felt we are not doing enough, we are not teaching enough, and we are not educating the parents enough. maybe we did our best, already gave our best, but at the end of it all, truly, it is Allah who will put in Nur and Hidayah to the people that we are trying to teach. I have wronged myself, and I have wronged Him. I always felt I was a failure for not doing enough, well, I still feel that way, but more enlightened and relieved in a sense that I can still continue do so much more. But I must tawakkal and leave it to Allah swt to do what He wills. Truly guidance and Hidayah comes from Him and Him only. Subhanallah. You know its the simplest things that needs reminding.

We are so bogged down with paperwork we forget the very basic things of our purpose of life. It is all because of Him. This job is not easy. But I pray and pray that Allah forgives me for my weaknesses and wrongs. Forgive me if I am unable to do my best. because I will be accountable for what I did today. I can still move on, I will. until a day comes that I think I had enough. that Allah has destined me to do only so much, I will back down. because I really do not want to be, when at the judgement day, be the person they dragged along to meet His Wrath, I cannot be, Ya Allah. I seek Your forgiveness and Your guidance.

Looking at the two leaders, I am brought down to reality. we are not doing this because we want to, because we have to. all the money does not mean anything, barely a comfort in this world. but there is that end of the road we have yet to go. the real end. no one can barely save one self. except Him.

Forgive me Lord.

I strive to do all I can. Allah will guide me through.