I am going to lament about work. As much as I hated to, because I want my blog to be a space where I can share happy moments and contemplations. I hated to have to talk about work. but I hope by talking it out, I will gain back my courage and will to strive along.

I cannot let one incident bring me down. I need to rewind my mind and thinking to a perspective that will give me hope and say this is the right thing to do. This is the job for me and no matter what my weaknesses and sins I have made, this is what I have to do, and probably my purpose in life. yes, at 30, I am not so sure if this is the purpose I have to lead.

I am an introvert and I am your forced leader, I dont even remember how I got to be in this place anymore. I think I can do the job but I dont think I am doing well enough. But then again, remember what the mufti said in a closed session. Tawakkal ‘alAllah. Tawakkal in its deepest meaning.

What is it that is making you feel down Seri? It had been a statement that the parent said via telephone that made me feel why am I responsible for all the sins they made? I am not your salvation. Why must I be dragged along if they are sentenced to hell? How can I save myself when you are putting me at the lowest point of the blaming game and putting me and my teachers into responsibility if the child doesnt learn anything? How do I face a person with such arrogance? I was glad I stood up to her today.

Anyway, I am tired of having to take the blame and being responsible of other people’s children. Here I am trying to get a child of my own. How can I not feel down and get affected with these incidents. I am truly tired. I have not rested well enough since December. My only quality time spent with my family was during CNY public holiday and when my father had a heart attack. It had to go to that extend for me to clearly see my family if you know what I meant.

So give me a break. I am going to give a piece of my mind tomorrow.

In the meantime, I rest.