i had the most beneficial two day course on a weekend nevertheless.
a rediscovery of myself. rethinking and reframing of my life. and literally a work out for both my unconscious and conscious mind.

for the longest time of my life. i have always been unsure of myself. my decisions, my choice, my purpose. i have always been doubtful of what i can do and achieve and always so harsh on myself for not doing enough. i have perhaps put too high expectations on myself but then at the same time, not sure of whether i can do it or not and then i got stressed up and ended up going down. taking exhaustion as my reason of needing a time out (well being the introvert that i am, that is something i have learnt to look at is a need but not an excuse)

and there are moments i just go down and and just hate myself for what i am or not doing.

but these two days, i learnt of ways or tools to get back myself up again. it is definitely not going to be easy but i will practice and practice until i master them. until i master myself.

i am honestly still in that classroom and my brain doesnt seem to want to leave that learning situation. im still floating and reflecting. i am in my contemplation mode. almost like i am a different me and im just getting to know me better. and looking forward to give myself a chance to live up to my potential. without compromising anyone who is important in my life. without compromising ME.

i needed this. i know i have always neglected my self but this time around, i think i know better how to take care of my self.

the unconscious mind is really powerful.

anyway today, it rained after what seemed to be the longest dry season in singapore. subhanAllah. when i saw that it rained, my body seemed to resonate with so much awe and gratitude that our prayers have been answered.