i know why i am feeling this melancholic feeling. it could be due to the overwhelming things i have to complete and the many other things that are bugging my brain. so i go back to that time in the past where i was fighting with my finding who i really am. and then i start listening to songs from the past feeding the emo, so to speak. because i feel like that is where i need to be. because that was a time i believed i knew who i am. it had never changed since then. it was a matter of adjusting, adapting and finding a balance to what i really am now. i was not perfect. it was a difficult balance. and if i want to find that balance, then just maybe this job is not the right job for me because it requires me to be perfect. and i am not. never will be.

this could also be due to this biological mess of irregularities and hormonal reflexes keeps making me teary eyed at every single thing and single thought. i am back to either having that rebellious streak or that of bringing myself down. arrgghhh this constant fight. how do i tear myself away from all these? i feel like im only putting on a mask. you know i am not functioning well rationally from what i am writing now. p.e.n.a.t.

so maybe this song will help. speaking of which, where are all these bands??!