Reading Rasul Mulia, Umat Mulia, Akhlak Mulia.
I came to the page where the author talked about the idea of ‘andai’ or ‘if’ in English.

it’s a dangerous thought where we can go towards losing faith and trust to Allah. Astaghfirullah. I may have been guilty of that many times. Those ifs moments. and even few days ago, i was struggling with the idea of ‘what if i dont do anything and regret about it later’.

it is either i do what i think i need to do and leave the trust, TAWAKKAL IllAllah. isnt that what we have always been teaching our students? but of course, if you dont do anything, how then can you put your trust to Allah.

why is it difficult to make a decision Seri. what is it that you want to achieve?

i hope i am clear to myself that i am leaving the decision to Allah and I trust He will take care of my family.
wow. i never know, becoming thirty makes me think alot about my inner self. you really start thinking about your purpose and what is it that you want to achieve. but the need to balance it out with the whole spiritual point of view of it. already i am starting to think that i am going back to those identity-building years and embracing it more because it is just me. but now the decision making is a whole different story. i have always been bad in decisions. i have always turned to God to lead me to what is right for me and believe that whatever i am doing now is at its right place.

and i am going to do just that. Ask for His guidance. no more If. it is either one or the other.