so this morning i came in very early. on a sunday morning. at work. say what??

this is straight after a very exhausting friday night at a raya event where i was practically on my feet from the moment we stepped down at the venue (which is a horrible place) at about 6pm all the way to about 10.30pm. i actually could not recall if i even have a seat in the event. and after an emo heartwrenching moment at night, woke up early on a saturday for, what else, work lah kan. a whole day from 7am-6.30pm (because of all days, a pervert was lurking around and i just want to make sure that all students had left and gone home. if not for the volunteer and the mso who was working and assured me to be on a lookout, i would have called the police. i even had the courage to go face that man, who was apparently mental, and warned him to stop disturbing my students. if i see him again next week, i will not hesitate! a lot of things are at stake here if i do not do anything!!

and surprise, the only full time teacher supposed to work are unable to attend because of an insurance claim? for the benefit of doubt, im fine with it, but it cannot be done on a monday, is it?

and who can sleep and sit calmly at home thinking of what is going to happen back here if no one’s around???!!! and true enough, there are latecomers (not the students, mind you), the one without telling me that a relief is coming over and here comes technology s&*%$ big time and then i found out not all the netbooks are equipped with all the slides, pretty much something i have instructed way back in january and apparently it has not been done. i am close to scolding every relief teacher who was there. but no point right? so take deep breath, focus, endure it and just quickly do what needs to be done. and my trusty thumbdrives help alot in rushing times like this.

im just, really, if i die tomorrow, can the school move on, can the school function effectively? what will happen if i die tomorrow? i am not always a 5 mins drive away. for example today, one fulltime teacher down, i did not hear from other teachers who would volunteer to come down and be here, making sure things run smoothly. zilch. i think it is about time to teach the teachers to lead and be at the level where if i am no more around, people will know what to do. my weakness is expecting people to have initiative when in reality, they dont. they dont have the vision, the inititative, the creativity, the confidence. and it is up to me to develop that.

for now, i honestly need my restorative period. desperate for one. because a four hour event and a whole day of work plus today, is really exhaustive for me.