oh God.

i am terribly sleepy now. and it is very rare nowadays for me to actually feel sleepy. i just sleep because i had to. and it was always a ‘disturbed’ kind of sleep, where i woke up in the middle of the night and then had difficulty sleeping again.

i have just spent two evenings sorting out my clothes and bags. there’s a community service centre going to collect them. so it was definitely a good opportunity for me to give away, some unused clothes, shoes, bags and watches that i bought and didnt even wore them.

i finally had one large bag for clothes, one large ikea bag of books, some bags, and another bag filled with watches never worn and bracelets of all colours. i really hope they could give them to those who would actually wear them. and i have got to stop spending. but i was happy packing them away, putting the small items into plastic packages. the stuff all looks brand new, of course, i hadnt had the chance to wear them. the idea was to re-sell them but im really not cut out for business. giving them away makes more sense to me. i honestly love giving gifts!

this spending is really a chronic disease. i think it has something to do with insecurity? some pent up spending energy that i did not get to fulfill? maybe something i really need or wanted which i didnt or couldnt get perhaps?

in any case, the busy-ness i am having the whole of this month will perhaps control me.

i still, by the way, love giving gifts.