my eid has been quite spiritual for me this year.

for the first time, at least, i realised for the first time, the takbir gave an emotional effect to me. like i finally understood what it meant and how it felt for Ramadan to end. like i finally understood that i am going to miss Ramadan.

i trained myself for this Ramadan. i had been training my inner self for this Ramadan since last year’s when i realised i didn’t do enough. it had not been perfect but i hoped it is much better than last year. it’s really about setting a goal for myself. for the unconscious mind. it worked.

i fulfilled many nights of terawih, even if it was not 100%, i forced myself to wake up earlier before sahur and performed tahajjud. but it had been quite a challenge work wise. a challenge of hearts and integrity and i felt that was one of the worst challenge i ever had in my years at work. i didn’t come out a victor but i surrendered myself to God. i prayed for His guidance and hoped that i would be at peace. i learnt my lesson.

we are never perfect. but i pray we strive for perfection in His eyes. we are weak. but i pray that He nurtured us towards strength in piety. i pray that one day, i could smile and know that i have fulfilled my duties, as a daughter, as a sister, as a wife…as His servant. amiin.