it’s a quiet afternoon. the sound of raindrops petters from the leftover rain, coming from the kitchen window. and weird, i thought i just heard a bird chirping. the air is cool and fresh. it’s quiet other than the sound of cars passing through wet concrete road.

pardon me for being selfish, but weekends like these are precious. too precious. reading a local author’s short stories or binge watching through some korean obsession i recently and sinfully acquire. spared some time to go through my year in my traveler’s journal and on parallel modes, preparing myself through filling up my 2019 journal. aaahhh… what a year it had been. and….what a year it will be.

i am secretly hoping that december will go really slowly. because i want to have lazy weekends for a week or two more. maybe three. many people asked if whether i am taking a long leave this month. in all honesty, i don’t need any long leaves for the month, i just need my weekends. people who understand how and where i work, would probably understand why. on normal circumstances/months, i almost never get a full weekend. except during the holiday months.

december is always a month to catch up on many things before january starts. it is the month where i try to complete many administrative and database matters before the academic year open its doors. and this year’s december, was double the rush because i took up an additional role. it’s an adrenaline rush.

but give me my weekend to recuperate, only then i think i can still stand strong and persevere. the title of the recent book i am currently reading is quite apt though. The desire for elsewhere. seeing almost everyone i know on trips to elsewhere made me miss my travels. i am surprisingly at peace and grateful. happy to see photos of these travels. and i am happy to be here….

everything seems a bit precious now when we are faced with an uncertainty. unknown. when suddenly faced with an encumbered choice. at the same time, an excitement to see how it unfolds and whether i am doing this right and will i survive? in whatever the circumstances, i only know now, that i will not face the future with regret. no matter how hard it will be, it will not be a mistake. i will course through it, as i have always been. the difference between then and now. i feel peace. it was not hard and dreading anymore. it was no longer fighting for a choice. it’s almost like what i choose to fight for.

i can never know how my life will turn out to be. but i think the clouds are opening up slowly. maybe if I’m lucky, i get to see a rainbow.