sometimes all you need is to let yourself cry it all out, cry as hard as you can.

and then looked up, faced the world.

its true, what i learnt from nlp. there are emotions you need to let out and then you are renewed. there was that timeline therapy but i had never really tried it out because i was scared of what i will encounter.

but then i realised, these hard times that i had been facing, i saw the sequence of feelings and emotions i had.

first was anger. so much anger and hatred at everything. i wrote them all down. all the things that is making me angry. in life, in work, in relationships. i wrote them all down until i find myself choked up and surprised at how much strain and hardness i put on myself. writing it all down and looking at them, i was disappointed too. but it made me clearer. i was angry, the anger was valid, i acknowledged them. and then i allow my self to be healed from this anger. i found this in silence. in contemplation. in His mercy.  in letting go.

when you realise that, you can almost feel the hard burden slipping away, letting out of strangled breath, looking at your self slide away from the darkness. and then there is so much light and let the tears flow. everyone is allowed to cry. it’s strength. it’s when we keep it bottled up, it makes us weak.  scared. alone.

i hope to be given the strength and faith to go through these hardships, as the Lord has always given me. and may i find meaning and in the future, understood why i have to go through these. i always forget. but He never. He has never abandoned me. i fell into an abyss of self indolence, and still, now and again, He knocks me gently, in the heart, on the head, a whisper to the soul. so why would i disappoint me?

live on.