We had the experience but missed the meaning

And approach to the meaning restores the experience in a different form

– T.S.Eliot

i was reading. as part of the subject i was taking this semester. everything was so apt. supervisory leadership and curriculum design. what more could i want or get. perhaps one day, i will see how all this leads me to one path. its beautiful. really.

the moment is getting nearer. i have been telling myself that i will not cry because this is not goodbye. ironically i began to conjure projects that i could do for, now that i am no longer tied to daily expectations and routined tasks. but i must also remember that my role now, in the next few days, is to complement and support the headquarters office, and i strive to do the best i can. as i have always will.

and i must remember to step back a bit and focus on what matters most. i have to manage this adrenaline that i have when working and allow my self to sit, think and reflect. and also give more to love than be at the receiving end.

and then i realised that it all match. i was searching. for meaning. always feel like i want and i could do more, but felt drained and pushed back. i wished i could have been better. i wished i had done more in mentoring, in leading, in teaching.

and then He allows me to move away. perhaps for awhile. for me to find meaning again. i pray i am not lost in this search. that i stay clear in fully knowing why i am where i am and tread on wisely.