Author: livingseri

i will allow it

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it takes conscious effort to force myself and decide not to go to work. it is only the third week of 2019. i usually work on both weekends for at least the whole of term 1. what change?

the days had been a blur of events and back to back meetings internally and externally and i didn’t realise how much my brain have been working until i sent an email of a very important document i hoped i completed well, to the boss, at 6.30pm on a Saturday. and that is after a day of physically up and down the levels at the mosque since 7.30am. which is after a whole day of work on Friday that ends at 12am for a monthly meeting.

which is after Wednesday and Thursday, the start of my learning journey of 4 hours travelling to and fro and a supposedly 3 hour lecture/tutorial. luckily it was the first week and an add/drop course period, so we left early after a brief introduction to the lecturer and the course we took. which was not an easy start to me, who felt like a total noob in an unfamiliar world, far out of my comfort zone.

so with the intention of not wanting to fall sick, because i really cannot afford to be, with the days i am going to thrive onwards. i told myself to let go and that the work can wait and the people can do their job.

i allow myself to rest. which also means some minor house chores, groceries shopping with hubby, went to a wedding which is thankfully within the neighbourhood, but choosing to miss out on another, and did some reading and netflixing.

and it was ok, Seri. for the first time, in my years at this job, things at work went fine without me worrying throughout the day for something to happen. alhamdulillah. and i am praying that this goodness will continue throughout the year.

book review: eleanor oliphant is completely fine

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Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine

Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


I was quite skeptical at first but the moment i read from the first page, it took me in. i find myself curious to learn of who this eleanor oliphant is, her routine, her life, her history, and what awaits her.
she is such a unique character, straightforward, has true common sense, independent but at the same time vulnerable and would appreciate a friendship and human contact because it’s not a luxury for her.

when she met raymond, i was curious to know how the friendship will unfold and what other experiences she had along the way. at the same time, she was having a crush to a local musician, i wanted to know what happened then, will she meet her love of her life?

there’s enough humour, wit, emotions to play about and although the ending was a bit unexpected, i find it completely made sense. if it’s soon to be a major picture, I’m looking forward to it!

it’s about being simply human, being alone or lonely, of having a pain or sadness you could not let go and having to live with it…thus how it shaped your life and perception towards others. it’s about independence and the human nature to interact. about asking for help and not endure any pain alone. about having true friendship and allowing yourself to be a social creature, even when you think you don’t need it.

it’s a book anyone could relate to, even if you are not eleanor oliphant. but everyone could have a bit of eleanor in us.



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i remember

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over the course of two nights, i have finally clear my iPhone/iCloud of the thousand of pics i had in it! and by clearing it means, downloading them into my Mac, per hundreds at a time, and then retransferring them to a thumb drive for safekeeping.

quite a number of steps to do it but it’s worth it. satisfaction!

i get to arrange them in folders accordingly and along the way, going through them one by one, reminisce here and there, had a smile and appreciating the moments before tucking them away for the next few months…or rather… the many intents on wanting to print them out and put in some physical album traditional way.

for a person who claimed that i don’t take many pictures because i prefer to lock the memories in my brain and feel the moment of that particular time, i do have a lot to remember.

alhamdulillah for a good life.

i think i can do this yearly, took photos and do a ‘review’ end year rearrange the photos into albums. and clear some space in my phone for new captured moments. nodding to myself. like opening a new door and be surprised by the breathtakingly beautiful view on the other side. its quite a therapeutic exercise. probably the decluttering phase people always have start of the year.

ps: the title this post came up because a song with the same title came up from my iTunes (as always on shuffle, and some genius good song comes up just at the right time, bewitched i think). i like the song because of…. guessed it… our boy Park Seo Joon. đŸ˜›

keep love

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every full one weekend day is precious to me. I’m sorry if i have been repeating this, but it is true. however, this time around, even with the full knowledge of my work running faster than i can handle, i will learn to let go and that things will go fine and smooth even with my absence. i think it can. i believe they can.

with the foolhardy decision to continue studies and at the same time having additional portfolio to look into and dive in on-the-job learning, i have me and a family to care for as well. if i use to give 100% to work, nowadays i need to divide it properly to give myself some sanity. because 5 years down the road, i am turning the big 4, age is catching up, body is slowing down and if i think i still have that chance, now is the time isn’t it?

the plan is to slice the cake evenly so everyone has a role to play. without me losing it.

the focus for the year is my studies, since its hard-earned money to pay it off, i should at least make full use and focus on it as i had never done before. and focus on my bigbabyboy. it has always been him caring, providing and protecting me. it always feel like he did more for me than i do for him. could i perhaps show more love and care by being more present for his needs. we can pull this through together. chilling at home just the two of us seems even more precious now.

live on

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sometimes all you need is to let yourself cry it all out, cry as hard as you can.

and then looked up, faced the world.

its true, what i learnt from nlp. there are emotions you need to let out and then you are renewed. there was that timeline therapy but i had never really tried it out because i was scared of what i will encounter.

but then i realised, these hard times that i had been facing, i saw the sequence of feelings and emotions i had.

first was anger. so much anger and hatred at everything. i wrote them all down. all the things that is making me angry. in life, in work, in relationships. i wrote them all down until i find myself choked up and surprised at how much strain and hardness i put on myself. writing it all down and looking at them, i was disappointed too. but it made me clearer. i was angry, the anger was valid, i acknowledged them. and then i allow my self to be healed from this anger. i found this in silence. in contemplation. in His mercy.  in letting go.

when you realise that, you can almost feel the hard burden slipping away, letting out of strangled breath, looking at your self slide away from the darkness. and then there is so much light and let the tears flow. everyone is allowed to cry. it’s strength. it’s when we keep it bottled up, it makes us weak.  scared. alone.

i hope to be given the strength and faith to go through these hardships, as the Lord has always given me. and may i find meaning and in the future, understood why i have to go through these. i always forget. but He never. He has never abandoned me. i fell into an abyss of self indolence, and still, now and again, He knocks me gently, in the heart, on the head, a whisper to the soul. so why would i disappoint me?

live on.

2019. be nice.

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i have been sitting at this very exact pose for a few hours now. contemplating on whether to catch up on work, or do a blogpost, or simply watch another of park seo joon’s series….. the latter of the three won over and i am watching, or rather re-watching She Was Pretty for the …hmmm… i lost count. my only rationale was i had been watching it through Viu, but then it suddenly became available in Netflix, so why not increase some view rates through Netflix as well, huh?

please do not judge, i woke up early today (to my own perception of early). had breakfast with hubbylove, and did a bundle of chores to start the new year! it feels good, i think i missed doing some chores nowadays, because i had a tremendous amount of blaséness these days and some inexplicable form of what i perceived as pseudo-anxiety.

i know in the back of my mind the long list of tasks i need to do work wise, but i feel stuck and was not sure where to start, what to complete first. ended up, i ‘reasoned’ out to myself that i do not need to do anything at the moment, it can wait, nothing too urgent, but deep in my heart, that flutter of ‘God! i need to complete this now!’ is always there. and then i cower again, and slip into weariness. sigh, when is this teenage angst going to end??!  or gasp!  is it middle age crisis already?! i keep telling myself it is ok to slow down at this moment, because you can foresee there’s no slowing down in 2019. for about a few seconds, the self agrees before guilt strikes.

i want to move away from doing any bestnine2018 or resolution post 2019 on a new year’s day, I’m going to be indie and take my time doing it, or not do at all, or semi-do it. i am also putting an IG-detox on myself for the next two days maybe. that has been somewhat a self imposed tradition for the past 6 years or so. well, i have issues, forgive me. and i don’t want to hurt myself, or others, by scrolling through photos i don’t want to know. the photos or updates will still be there when next i recover from the detox. so no harm not being up-to-date or live-updated. I’m happier this way. this excludes my girlfriends though. but they usually share in wa groups and then we’ll squeal and scream emoji style! while i still be zoned out in my workspace.

welcome 2019. be nice.

ps: when did my blog keeps on featuring seo joon’s face already?! what are you? 15?!

pps: promised myself to start blogging p.r.o.p.e.r.l.y soon. wait, is that a resolution?

and with that….

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and with that… life with seo joon-a pauses until the next drama and/or movie….

cannot everyday look at him or he will lose his charms and handsomeness.

my wish is to see him play with elijah lee again.

and that is how my year of entertainment ends in 2018, because i doubt i will have much time in 2019 to indulge. of course, this is all worldly pleasure.

i have a feeling 2019 is going to be something special.

 

chronicles of evil

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nothing important. you can skip this post coz it’s not worth reading unless you’re ok with me unbecomingly babbling about a korean movie.

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goodness me!

what is this shocker?! our boy plays a villain?! and good at it?!

i have been searching for chronicles of evil and having a hard time finding it, when alas, found it in an online streaming which annoyingly always stops at random moments to allow for meaningless pop ups. my gosh, this site really test your patience!

its this seo joon-a obsession i have and was determined to watch every drama or movie he acted in. so when my sil (nonetheless!) recommended this website, i decided to catch up on youn’s kitchen 2 and two old dramas he played in (which were not available in Viu/Netflix) before moving on to Chronicles. this was, perhaps since two months ago.

and today, after finally finishing through a painstakingly dreading drama One Warm Word and just skipping on scenes just to get to Seo Joon’s parts, and worthfully looking handsome and fashionable in his winter coats and that uniform. and that hairstyle. sighhh….

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fully knowing the pain and frustration of this site’s annoying pop-ups and rewinds, i brace through the best for last. a 2 hour movie became 3 hours of sorts because it jammed on me a few times!

what do i know? only korean movies can have these twisted plots without anyone guessing in the first place!! it was a ‘WHAT??!!’ moment for me when it was finally revealed who he really was towards the end. and then i go HOW COOL IS THAT?!

quite a cool detective story, but simple plot actually. a bit of mental twist that doesn’t even look like it’s supposed to be psycho, leaving us guessing what is happening all the time. just when you thought you get the answer or the culprit, you can almost hear the director says, nope, we’re not done yet…we’re just revealing the name now, there’s more to come! the heck! and just when the camera zooms in to seo joon’s dong jae’s true self reveal, my heart skips a bit. like how can a villain looks so handsome and innocent (and gay, that’s the impression though).

ok. no spoilers. i like it that he plays in this movie, and acted with long time actors who had a string of movies to their name like train of busan’s Ma Dong Seok and Son Hyun Joo. the next movie star in the making – Seo Joon.

i’m excited for his Saja/The Divine Fury.

and with that… life with seo joon pauses until the next drama and/or movie.

book review: the desire for elsewhere

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The Desire for ElsewhereThe Desire for Elsewhere by Agnes Chew

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

i love the essays, the flow of writing, the thoughts provoking readers to wonder and reflect. the snippets of experiences, although short but speak volumes of the feelings and meaningful interactions the writer has during her travels. if i could write, i want to write like Agnes. and i feel like everyone should read this refreshing collection of short stories. i would buy copies and give them out as gifts to friends who love to read.

i don’t mind rereading it to delve deeper into the meanings behind her stories.

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