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Read read read!!

not a last lecture

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before this headache takes over and probably sleeping in earlier, let me put down a few thoughts.

i’ve been going through this course on working in a school environment and i cannot help thinking how fortunate i am to be able to attend this course! although something like a crash course on school environment and not so much on curriculum but yet it really helps me more in terms of managing a ‘school’ in its technical and administrative level. like for example the importance on safety at school, handling difficult parents and building partnerships, some behaviour management and useful tips, and just today we learnt on programme planning, focusing on the ground details like needs assessment and evaluating the programme.

it does give me more ideas on what to expect in my own job and more prepared. not to forget the trainer and a good role model to all of us. definitely enjoying her class. and applying what i’ve learnt!

finished reading The Last Lecture and i love it. inspiring heartbreaking and funny at the same time. also useful when it comes to how the author shared his experiences inspiring his own students. once you read it you cant seem to stop reading it~ (thanks to dear for the book)

i realised that really, life is short and i need to live today the best i can, fulfilling it with not just the everyday responsibilities, but especially with the people close to you. call me a romantic but i really admire everytime the author made reference to his wife, she ‘the woman of his dreams’ and how they value every minute they spent in the months after he knew of his deadly condition. really, i have to say his wife is a real one strong lady. with three small children to tend to without a husband….and the value of family…from how the author was brought up and educated by his parents should be modelled, briefly: how his parents allowed him to draw/paint his room with these ‘big’ ideas he had, READING as their daily staple…and what touches the heart was how the author really wants to have something which his children can remember him by, thus the book and the real last lecture he had at his university.

it’s about dreams, living life and remember to always appreciate and treasure all that you have now and nothing beats family love.

there’s a lot more to share from this book but i think it’s worth a read. link to the last lecture–>
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

and so another day at work tomorrow. so many things to finish and complete. i’ve always thought working at mwdh is fast track! you really do feel like time flies so fast and decorating the classroom takes a whole day, reviewing the registration forms takes a whole day and emails and reports and not to say the upcoming sports day…i don’t have time to breathe! pardon the exaggeration.

i would really appreciate a time out and a break to a place with a beautiful beach and cliffs and trees~ *sigh*

ok people lights off.

glass castle

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i just finished reading the book The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls and i loved it. it gives a very different non-stereotypical portrayal of a family who have very educated and talented parents (stereotypically it would be big house, academics career, and glossy looking smart children)who chose to go against the norm and live like wanderers, adventurous and vagabond, moving from one place to another.

really, i can’t stop reading it, and at almost every page, i would be expressing “what??!!” “seriously??” “what kind of a parent is this??” “what the toots?” and “WOW!” but it has nothing to do with violence or psychological disorder, or “My name is Dave”-like stories. it’s just that the Walls parents (yes its based on real life story) have a different way of teaching their four children, imparting values from a different angle. for example, letting insects and pests practically breed in their rickety house because you don’t have the right to kill or destroy other living beings. despite the noble values the parents taught them, and the education they gave from home (the Walls children are geniuses) it’s the standard of living which is almost ridiculous. the children eating from leftovers or surviving on margarine or corn for whole days on end, being on a hunger strike because their father is away looking for gold and mother unable to keep a teaching job because of her eccentric nature of teaching.

but i envy the children much because of their independence and smartness, up to the point that they tried ways and took up menial jobs(paper runs, babysitting! when they themselves need babysitting! collecting tins and bottles) from the age of as young as five just to get a morsel of food. and the thing is they don’t rebel and indulge in gangsterism/drinking/drugs/friends’ bad influence. they just don’t. and that’s what amazes me. of course, being children, and eventually teens, they build their own perspectives on things, but they didn’t blame their parents. they very much love their parents still and instead, in whatever it is they were doing, their agenda would be to make less burden for their parents. and yes the parents had their own flaws.

because, if it’s in some community, oklah, my community. it would be a totally different story right? give the same scenario and you get different reactions. of course, i’m not generalising, but in most cases.

just this week, we got a whole list of thumbnail pics on BH of youths involved in physical conflict. and for what?
TheTasteofInk
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i’m writing this just so to get my mind working, because something else has been bugging me and suddenly i’m starting to think of what’s going to happen to me in the future. honestly, i was never a long term planner and i have been in the comfort zone of being single and free for a long time with having my siblings and girlfriends and acquaintances as meaningful company. i know my age is already a quarter of a hundred years, and even after seeing friend after friend after friend got married, i was never ready for this.

what if all these have to change? what if suddenly i have to start thinking about a significant person? what if suddenly i have to start planning for a marriage? it’s just that, at this moment, it’s totally beyond me. there’s A LOT of things i needed to do and achieve and having a significant partner was never part of the picture. my future was always a picture of career, and travels and books. yes, books. it was never a wife or a mother. although thrown in the rare images of a faceless significant other.

still, being an imperfect person, those tendencies to be loved and wanted is inevitable, i envy my friends who’s married, found their soulmate/ partner, who’s had years of loyal relationships, engaged and so on so forth, of course i dreamt of having those (put in Affa as the imaginary boyfriend, haha!) but i never expected those to come true. not yet.

truthfully, i’m just not ready. despite the age, despite the need. i’m not ready for change.

i’m not ready for a glass castle of my own. but i have to start from somewhere, right? maybe THIS could be IT.

ke-sidang burung-an

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si*dang bu*rung was a theatric (i don’t think you can find this term in the dict) performance, an attempt to adapt for Fariduddin Attar’s Conference of the Birds. in malay, directed by sa-ni hus-sin and playwright by is-a kam-ari.

everytime i went to the library, i will come across a version of Attar’s translated Conference of the birds but i have never took the effort to even read it and now i wish i had! because only then would i know where the flaws would be. not that i’m coming to a theatre to rant out comments. but then i would be more critical and not blindly accepting the whole performance….

…because even a person like me, amateur to the arts line, could sense that the actors and actresses of the play might not even understand what they are reciting~ but i’m sure they have done their research. and kesidang burungan, being an originally a sufistic literature, is spiritualistic and mystic, i believe it’s a poem of love to the Lord.
and Attar, being a sufi, must have gone through many stages to obtain even an idea, a slight image of Him. and i’m afraid the actors and actresses don’t really get that. they’re just, well, acting. there’s only one actor whom i think understand the spiritualistic process of Attar’s.

kesidang burungan quite briefly:
a hoopoe bird aka hudhud desires to search for the king of kings known as Simurgh all the way from across the lands, seas and mountains. and he urged other kinds of birds, like the merak, the parrot, merbuk, even a duck and rooster, bat and a rajawali, and many others, i suppose to follow him on this quest. but all these birds had their own reasons but it turned out they all followed him through highs and lows.

now they have reached the gates of a Qaf mountain, believed to be the abode of Simurgh. out of millions who have followed them all the way, many have failed and left only thirty of the birds who have strived on. the gatekeeper of the abode welcomed them. the birds asked to see Simurgh. however, the answer given by the gatekeeper was simurgh refers to themselves. for simurgh means 30 in persian. and they are only searching for themselves.

well you know what? i’m going to look for Attar’s Conference of the Birds and read!

anyway, i hate the costumes worn by the actors/resses. i don’t think the expressions given by them suits the lines. and i almost thought a Hindu song was played! but it turned out to be a Persian song named Simurgh. (that’s only because i ASKED THE DIRECTOR, read: sa-ni hus-sin)

however, i think kesidang burungan is a huge good step in the Malay arts. a performance which wanted to bring meaning. i’m sure the play didn’t start out to be portrayed as Islamic. and people might get confused. but i guess it will somehow open up people’s minds, especially the mainstream people, the play is not too difficult to understand if you do away with the details and the original work of Attar. the physical movement, the little humours, the brief songs and musics, it will be stamped to the mainstream’s minds, and tell them: Look! there is this sufistic islamic artwork known as the Conference of the birds, full of meaning and wise teachings, which you can apply to your life, read it and realise it. your love is for God.

well, i can say, i enjoyed ke-sidang burung-an and it has opened up my mind and create a critical channel in my thinking system. we definitely should have more of this genre in the arts scene.

2 worlds

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Radiohead’s MTV official video clip for their song All I Need.
it affected me. much.

a pair of shoes connecting two different boys from different sides of the world.
at one side, a young boy seem to have everything he could have wanted, a good life, education, play, proper food. when at the other end, a child of the same age could have such a different life, working for the sake of having some food to eat a day, a roof to shelter. i have the sudden thought that the very pair of shoes i wear are somehow the work of a young child.

let’s learn to be more grateful, ok, Seri. people and children are suffering somewhere around the world. we should not whine and complain when things don’t go our way or we can’t get the things we want. some children don’t even get the basic things they need! they won’t even know the very concept of ‘want’ just because their ‘need’ are not met~

i’m reminded of this prose: if we think we have a problem, other people have problems too. there will be no end if we are to measure who has the bigger problem. just move on and get over it.

ps: if you’re from catholic jc and staying in hougang some years ago, say in the year 2000-2001, could you drop a word or two…..because someone who used to study there has something which was mine, and i need it back. and the problem is, this someone is beyond reach.
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fat chance. escapist!

through a glass

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an overdued post actually. but would pictures tell it all? :))

as a Mother’s day and an advanced Father’s Day present, i bought tix for them and me 😉 to the P Ramlee Muzikal held at the Esplanade Theatre. it was a beautiful performance altogether. well, for a first timer, ever been in a theatrical performance, it sure gives a whole lot of impression and awe. i pretty much enjoyed the musical, the dances and songs especially when P Ramlee’s song was performed. (and Thank God it’s not Sean Ghazi nor Datuk ct among the cast!!)
Liza Hanim is such a dear, and the guy playing P Ramlee, Musly Ramlee, he’s honest and the sincerity in bringing P Ramlee’s character is applaudable, its the same as how you watch…say, Bujang Lapok films, at some points i feel like Musly is not Musly, but The P Ramlee, you get what i mean?? pardon if you can’t. honestly, i can’t quite describe the awesomeness.

and now…i’ve been listening to P Ramlee’s songs these few days. ahakzz.

even though i had to fight my inner ‘responsible’ part of me and go to another concert…i don’t regret it though. it’s just the thought….of making my parents happy. and getting to watch one great art production.

psst..gentarasa this saturday… *wink wink*

and last vesak day, despite the heat, went out to meet the girls at the Terminal 3 Changi Airport. some pics to show tell.


yes, it’s actually to celebrate Za’s birthday… Happy Birthday Za!!
we all used to have EXPECTED birthday surprises back in IIUM, wah liao, missed those times when the clock strikes 12, there’s sure to be a knock on the door, the girls and a cake waiting for the birthday girl!

but now, except for Za, all of us are back in SG, so can’t expect to be having surprises now. there’ll be a hundred reasons why one of us can’t join, and then there’ll be the totally unexpected missed out names on the list (even though we’ve always tried our best to ‘publicize’ the outing), and then there’ll be a hundred reasons why one of us can’t join…oh..i’ve said that already…and then there’ll be the laughters and talks, the heartbreaks and feelings hurts. (tu ah, mak cakap jangan banyak ketawa, nanti nangis..)

ok ok am being ultra sarcastic. it’s the heat and the fever am having now. i keep getting sick this year~ i’m not thinking well. i just had sh*7^/y chats and i’m being sh*7^/y. . and the net and imeem is sh*7^/y.

(can you see that?? the change of emotions i had in a span of minutes?)
i want to go back to my sh*7^/y reading of Through a Glass, Darkly, which at this point, i regretted reading, because as of this moment, i think it’s a lame attempt of understanding humans and angels (well, their version of angels and God even). aarrggh…baca buku lain ah!!

zendagi migzara

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500th post.

Kite runner by Khaled Hosseini is one literature you must not miss. honestly, i bought the book, one day from kinokuniya, without really wanting to read it. just one of the days when i wanted to buy a book, but not having any preference. so i just grab the kite runner, because it’s like the talk of the booktown!

but now i know why it’s the TALK of booktown. it’s just extra ordinary, inspiring, and i found myself unable to control my reactions, while reading on the mrt or the bus, like saying “WHAT??!!” a bit too loud or showing my disgust towards a character a bit more visibly than usual, in public. seriously. it’s almost embarrassing my being too caught up with the book! yes, kak Z, you’re right, you just can’t put the book down.

well, my life has been rather peaceful nowadays. i have managed to somewhat adapt my self to this working-but-not-at the -office job. and i’m beginning to love it. i found our am a bit more productive at home, actually concentrating on one report as much as i can, and not feeling sleepy at all. well, i did feel sleepy sometimes when i was working in the office, maybe it’s the cold or the meal after lunch.

maybe it’s just my style. preferring to do what i need to at my own pace. but of course this cannot go on for too long. some day soon, i might have to get a proper 8-5 job. but alhamdulillah, so far, even with the projects i’m handling, it was well paid off.

once, i thought i’m becoming more like the women in Anita Brookner’s novels: alone, depressed, normal, aloof, drifting apart, losing…until a point of time, i stopped reading anita brookner, lest i really became one. but not anymore. i’m pretty much healed, in many ways. i mean i shouldn’t be too hard on myself. i have all these gifts right in front of my eyes. and time.

i’m just realising, the Lord’s giving me an experience of what i’ve wanted and prayed for. i guess, i shouldn’t waste that now.

zendagi migzara….life goes on…

neat shelfari

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you know what??? i just found out something!

you see that Shelfari widget there? you can actually click on the arrows there to see the books i’ve read, so it will change from one book to another, without having to open up a new window!! neat!!

the widget has been there for so long already, and i just found that out!!

jakuunn naaa.

reading

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within a span of 8 days, i finished reading two books and already halfway through another novel. i have to say, it’s been such a looooonng time since i managed to read and read like it’s nobody’s business. and reading novels at that. after starting the year reading some ‘academic’ books, reading novels is such a refresher!!

i’m done with Jonathan Safran Foer’s extremely loud and incredibly close. a unique book in itself. the voices of a searching son and grandson : a young boy search and understanding death (his father died in 9/11), a grandmother’s endearing love and and strength in silence, and a grandfather’s mistake and eternal silent. beautiful.

and suddenly becoming jodi picoult’s fan all of a sudden, i just read Keeping Faith. about a traumatic divorce affecting a young girl, and out of nowhere, becoming a healer and stigmatic all of sudden. this is more heartrending, a mother’s fight and belief in her daughter’s gift even though she was not a religious person to start with.

and now am on perfect match by jodi picoult as well. now, why would anyone find it interesting what book am reading?? seri, u’re such a geek. haha!

but i just love it. reading without having to strain my brain trying to understand and remembering dates and names and events, or how and why things happened throughout the course of religious history! reading truly for leisure, diving myself into some fictional life experiences. it’s heaven. :))

and i just can’t stop reading. i had books on my shelves, which will suffice through half the year! you have your shopaholic, shoe addict, and now, presenting book addict, close to home! my mother had to practically drag me out of kino or borders, or yeah, popular, just to prevent me from buying anymore books, until i read all those books lining themselves up, waiting to be matched with the same-colour bookmark, and get read. (not to forget i just bought one from Popular@ orchard which is having their closing sale, books at $5!!!)

lord, what a geek.

book tailong

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it’s all about books for this post.
about time to return the library books!! and pay off those renewal and overdue dates.

no borrowing of books now, for there are those books you actually bought since few months ago….

hmm, aili, i ever got lend you a jodi picoult book kan? or is it not? if it’s with you, then it’s fine with me. if not, then i might have misplaced it somewhere.hehe

shasha,’i know this much is true’ still safe in your care.

Anna!!! i miss you roomie!! The historian’s still with you. i sooo want to see you babe!

and oh yeah, Mahir, if you ever come across this….i miss my Silmarillion a LOTTTTT!!!! when can i see you, please please please spare some time for me???

kha, yes, shelfari is a cool thing!! anyway, Nora Roberts’ Valley of Silence is 1/3 of a trilogy – The Circle Trilogy. it’s more of irish magical fantasy set-up with vampires, witches and wizardry thrown in trying to save the ‘world’. however, the thing with nora roberts is that, she wrote more on emotional and love, relationships between witch and wizard, vampire and mortal, more than the ‘adventure’ and the ‘good vs evil’ elements. not really my cup of tea actually. if you’re into fantasy, you can try, but depends on what type of fantasy novels you usually reads.
(uhmm, yes, there are subtypes of fantasy, to me anyway)

hehe, bole buka kedai buku aku ni…

action plan:
finish reading up B.T.B. by this week.